It was when I had gotten screwed over in a relationship for the I-don’t-know-how-many-th time that I finally decided to make a change. Whether it was a different guy hurting me or hurting myself by going back to the same guy over and over again, at the end of the day I was hurting.
And that’s when I stopped caring about being selfish.
How many times can someone tell you they’re not going to do something again, then do it again? How many times will you believe them?
You so often care about other people’s feelings, but forget about yourself. And how is that even possible? To forget about the feelings of the actual entity that you are. It seems impossible, but we often allow ourselves to get hurt to save others.
Being sad, being broken, being mistreated really isn’t just another part of life. It isn’t something you have to accept. You don’t have to accept anything other than what makes you happy. But we accept the sad, broken, mistreatment because we aren’t thinking of ourselves the way we should be.
Go out and get your happiness. Stomp a few hearts on the way, cut off some friendships, delete the phone numbers and unfollow them on Twitter. If they’re not helping you get where you need to go, they are unnecessary. If you’re being held back, it’s time to start being selfish.
It’s rough, it’s not always the nicest thing to do to the people you love. But how do you expect to take care of them when you can’t take care of yourself? A little selfishness goes a long way.
I’ve often found that people refer to dating apps as a game, but most of the apps out there right now are not actually a game.
I came across Spritzr, a match making app, that has more fun and game like qualities than any other app out there right now. If you’re swiping through boring apps and looking for a little more fun, Spritzr is the place for you! Check it out here: https://spritzr.com/
Whether you are single or in a relationship, Spritzr allows anyone to play matchmaker. I especially like this because:
My single friends are always looking to be set up.
I’m missing out on all the dating app fun now that I’m in a relationship!
You can play matchmaker for your friends and help them discover what they have in common. Your friends probably know you better than you know yourself, so why not let them give it a try?
If your friends aren’t on the app, you can match community members without knowing them. You see a main user profile and several secondary ones that Spritzr suggests. If you believe any of those are a good match just drag and drop it onto the main user profile.
This is a game that even has rewards! You can make 10 matches daily and even be rewarded when a good match is done.
These dates are recommended by real people, not just random swiping through people nearby or calculated algorithms that don’t really seem to work. I was a big user of dating apps when I was single and Spritzr seems a lot more fun and a lot more friendly.
I felt like I was single forever after my last long term relationship. I had made the choice to stay single, mostly because I was so aware of how I was kissing frogs that definitely weren’t going to turn into princes any time soon.
Every time I tried to date, I just couldn’t get comfortable. Reaching out to people I had lost touch with to spark something felt awkward. Meeting people for the first time and getting to know their whole life story felt like a lot of work. The whole thing was so exhausting.
It was so much easier to get what I want and then get out. Just scratch the surface a tiny bit until it’s time to leave. Because every time I tried to go deeper, I felt anxious and out of sorts. I just thought being in a committed relationship wasn’t for me.
What I didn’t realize at the time was where that anxiety was coming from. It wasn’t because dating was awkward or because it took a lot of work. It wasn’t because I didn’t want to get to know someone or love someone. It was because the people I was dating didn’t match me. My weird didn’t fit their weird.
Being your own kind of weird is when you are your complete self. You let that weird out when you’re with your best friends, goofing around with your siblings, when you really get to know someone. But not everyone’s weird matches yours and that becomes very apparent when you are dating.
I tried to force things that didn’t fit because everyone was telling me I was being too picky and I was telling myself that these things weren’t working out because I was the problem.
There is no magic answer to finding the person you’re supposed to be with. The only thing I can tell you is that when you find them, you won’t feel awkward. You won’t feel uncomfortable, anxious, or exhausted. Your weird will match their weird and then it all falls in to place.
It still takes work, but it’s fun work. And that’s how I got the dating thing right after many years of feeling wrong.
A new twist, since you always see my writing and never hear my voice, here’s something fun for you guys! I was on Live from the Middle Urinal, a mainly male focused podcast, and voiced my opinions on dating, Tinder and Bumble, relationships, ghosting, and more!
A response to my very old series of endings called I’m Glad It Didn’t Work Out, view it here. This will be the last part of a series focused on the beginnings of various relationships, view part 1, part 2, and part 3.
When we met, I was at a point in my life where I just wasn’t happy. I smiled, I chuckled, I just went through the motions when I was supposed to and that was my version of happy for the time being.
But when I sat next to you at the bar, you made me laugh. A laugh I hadn’t heard or felt in a long time. A laugh that continued all night. You were a friend of a friend so there was only a slight introduction when we jumped into the witty banter. People I didn’t want to see and people I did want to see came and went, but most of my attention was just on how funny you were.
I don’t think I have ever been so struck by someone’s personality before and the fact that you were just so likeable at the time. The bartender made us the most disgusting grape Gatorade shots I had ever had. I only had two or three drinks that night, but I laughed until I cried sitting next to you at that dingy bar. The bar I almost never went to, but happened to be at when I met you.
First impressions are funny because they lack a lot of emotion. You’ll never truly know who a person is when you are barely scratching the surface. But at that time, a night of laughing was all I really needed.
The last day of winter is still a couple of weeks away, it ends on March 19th. But I actually ended up accomplishing almost all of my winter bucket list. The only things I didn’t do were playing in the snow, because there was barely any snow, and crochet a beanie, because I just didn’t have the time or resources. I can also tack on moving out into my own apartment on this list 🙂 I am super proud of myself for all that I accomplished this winter and can’t wait to put together my spring bucket list!
The new and improved and differently named Hookup Culture. I had a sudden and overwhelming feeling of needing something more appropriate for my blog name and something that was branded as me.
I grabbed the domain and switched the name everywhere and there it is! I am extremely happy with the change and excited to see where this blog goes moving forward, I hope you all like the name change as well 🙂
We all get stressed in different ways about different things. This can come as a challenge when you are constantly interacting with different people. We have friends, family, relationships, and coworkers who all get stressed about different things and in different ways. Yet, we still have to figure out how to deal with it.
When I get stressed, I kind of shut down. In light stress situations, I used to be able to make lists and do things that cheered my up before everything got too heavy. But when time isn’t on your side, it’s relatively easy to let things get too heavy.
I’ve never been one to communicate well verbally, even in happy situations. But when I’m stressed, I can barely communicate at all because my brain is chatting to itself constantly. I just don’t take the time to talk to anyone and a lot of my friendships and relationships get impacted by this. I don’t know how to push aside the overthinking to make room for other conversations, whether they are about what I’m stressed about or not.
The challenge to understand how others stress is difficult. Of course we all have our own problems and of course we all want to help our loved ones when they have problems. But how do we juggle it all? It seems possible to some people, but extremely impossible for me.
Leave me a comment about how stress affects you or how you deal with it!
A response to my very old series of endings called I’m Glad It Didn’t Work Out, view it here. This will be a series focused on the beginnings of various relationships, view part 1 and part 2.
The first time I saw you we were at a party and I gushed over your cool tattoos. I tried all sorts of hard to get your attention, but you went on your way.
I swear I didn’t see you again until 6 months later, I was kind of convinced you were some sort of mythical creature I had made up in my head. You had just disappeared. But there you were, in front of me once again, cool tattoos and all. And I didn’t know what to do.
It made no sense to gush again. But I was just so shy – I’ve always been a weird kind of shy – and couldn’t work up any nerve to talk to you.
So I resorted to elementary school behavior and told my friend, who was also your friend, that I thought you were cute. He relayed the message and you found your way to me. I was still too shy. We awkwardly stood in a corner trying to chat. I was wearing a Spiderman t-shirt and I’m pretty sure we tried talking about it for 15 minutes straight.
We met at a party and then again at another party. I convinced myself you were this perfect, tattooed god. But when we were talking in that corner, awkward and shy on my part, is when I should’ve realized we had absolutely nothing in common and that’s absolutely bad news in the long run.