Putting Back the Pieces After a Break Up

What do you do when a near-perfect relationship ends? Your love for each other was so apparent and so real; his family took you in as one of their own; you always felt safe and at home with them. The length of time spent together isn’t important. A three-month relationship can be more meaningful and know more love than a three-year relationship. But what happens when that time ends? How is someone expected to live their life normally as if nothing has changed?

To me, the saddest part of a break-up is realizing the mundane things you used to have fun doing together have become boring again. A joke doesn’t seem as funny as it used to be. An “I love you” doesn’t seem as meaningful when he isn’t the one saying it. Your smile isn’t as bright as it was when he was the reason behind it. You go through the motions of your day-to-day routine and think it’s written all over your face; everyone can see how broken you are. But no one sees it. And no one offers a helping hand. And you realize the person who used to save you is the one who got you here in the first place. And now the only person you can rely on is yourself.

Breaking up in today’s society is so much harder than it used to be. Sure, we can unfollow exes on Twitter and Instagram and unfriend them on Facebook, but sometimes that isn’t enough. We have the ability to keep up with their lives without having to speak to them. We can watch their lives through pictures and Twitter updates—and we do. We text our exes repeatedly with long, sappy text messages blindly hoping that pouring our hearts out will magically fix this horrifying process. We sit up all night with our best friends and roommates crafting text messages we can send him. We think of the last conversation with him over and over again until we’ve managed to create multiple theories behind his actions. Maybe if I heard that he’s miserable too, I won’t feel as badly. Maybe if he hears about how sad I am, he’ll feel bad and come back. Or maybe I’ll annoy him with my painfully honest thoughts and drive him further away than he already is.

Breaking up at any age, for any reason, after any length of time sucks. It seems like the end of the world and like nothing will ever make you happy again. I’m not even close to being a relationship expert (obviously), but I can promise things get easier. It’s okay to cry multiple times a day, every day for a little while. It’s okay to feel like you’ll never love like that again. It’s okay to miss him. You’ll realize that the crying soon lessens. You’ll realize you won’t ever love like that again, but you have plenty of love from plenty of other people surrounding you. You’ll realize that you lived without him before and you can do it again.

 

Danielle Williams

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