The 1, 2, 3’s of the Dating Process

Photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/drriss/
Photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/drriss/

There’s something about dating today that makes everyone’s lives complicated. It seems that no one wants to admit to having feelings first. No one wants to be “tied down” with a significant other. Dating could actually be really easy: you’re exclusive if you like each other, you’re not if you don’t. But somewhere along the line someone decided dating wasn’t going to be easy anymore. And now we’re left with a messy, mostly drunk, agonizing “dating” process. Some people skip steps and some people go out of order, but one thing’s for sure: it never quite works the way we imagined.

You drunkenly meet at a party.

You go out to a party, or maybe to a bar, with a few of your friends and notice a cute guy. There’s no way you can go talk to him, because that would be super weird. But then you get a few more drinks in you and lose all common sense. You do something corny like pretend to bump into him and you get a conversation going. Somehow, you’ve managed to exchange numbers and you think your game is on point. If you don’t manage to bump in to him, you decide to follow him on Twitter and hope he’ll add you on Facebook. You’ll favorite his tweets and he’ll follow you on Instagram.  Some drunken way and some drunken how – you will get his number.

You drunk text him.

Now that you’ve gotten his number, it’s too weird to randomly text him in the middle of the week. So, again, you get drunk and lose all common sense. You shamelessly flirt with him and probably say things you’ll regret in the morning. (And you do, in fact, regret it in the morning.)

You meet up at a party and hook up.

The impossible has happened! You’ve finally hooked up with him and you say the same thing about the hook up several times in different words throughout the entire next day. Naturally, your best friends ask if you would do it again, and you imagine all the possibilities: you can never speak to him again; you could continue to drunkenly hook up with him; or you can attempt to date this kid.

You start hanging out and hooking up during the week.

Now you have to get over that sober hump (pun not intended?). So your best friends help you plan out exactly when to text him, what to say, and how to respond. He asks you to go over his house. But it’s 2 in the afternoon. He wants to hang out in broad daylight and shit is getting real.

You hear he’s texting/hooking up with other girls.

Okay, nothing to worry about. You never said you were dating, so he can hook up with whoever he wants. You haven’t hooked up with anyone else, but it’s not because of him. It’s just a coincidence. This doesn’t even bother you. Who cares what he does, right? You’re gonna do whatever you want to do too.

You get drunk and confess all your feelings.

So you got drunk and told him you like him and don’t want to hook up with other people. This isn’t the end of the world, but, like, it kind of is. He hasn’t even responded and it’s been 6 minutes so clearly he hates you and this was the biggest mistake of your—oh my God, he answered. And….he likes you, but doesn’t want a girlfriend right now. That’s not so bad. I mean, he likes you, he just doesn’t want a girlfriend. You can do that.

You can’t do it.

You get jealous of every other girl he hooks up with and you get mad that he isn’t giving you all of his attention. You try to up your game a bit and get him to notice you, but that fails miserably. You get tired of his shit so you end things and celebrate your “I’ve-always-been-single-but-we-sort-of-broke-up” swag with your friends at a party. You hate boys and you vow to stay single for a long time—but did you SEE that guy over there?

You should go talk to him.

OR you can do it.

And you made the impossible possible in college and are in an actual, honest-to-god, FBO relationship.

Danielle Williams

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