1. Maybe he’s the cute one in the group picture!
2. Oh, he’s not the cute one.
3. Is that his kid? His niece? His little sister??
4. Those dogs are so cuteeee!
5. Is that his girlfriend? Why is he on Tinder??
6. Is that his ex-girlfriend? Is she prettier than me??
7. DID I JUST SWIPE LEFT ON MY SOULMATE?!
8. I wonder how much time it took him to write that paragraph biography.
9. Oh, look we have mutual friends. (Stalks endlessly on Facebook)
10. Mutual Interest: Selena Gomez. I like Selena Gomez on Facebook?
11. This kid takes more selfies than I do…
12. What are you doing with your life when you post two Tinder Moments per day!?
13. Bio: “Actually 17” Actually gtfo of here.
14. Do people ever swipe right on you when your face isn’t in any of your pictures?
15. OMG he’s great and he asked me on a date!
16. OMG I can’t go on a Tinder date!!!!!!!!!!!!