How To Define Cheating

Our generation is very much so used to this so-called “hookup culture.” Are you talking to someone? Dating someone? Or in a full committed relationship?  You may not know this, or you may know it all too well, but these things are all very different and can mean very different things when it comes to the exclusivity of your relationship.

So when exactly can you be cheated on?

If you’re even in the basics of a relationship, you need to know what you’re getting into and what level of exclusivity you both are comfortable with. You may be ‘talking’ to someone, but that could easily mean that you both are talking to other people as well. You may be dating someone, but you could probably still go on actually dates with other people (without hooking up with them) and still say that it’s all fair game.

In order to cheat, you need a set definition.  That way, there are no ifs, ands, or buts when it comes down to the conversation of if someone cheated or not.  There can’t be any excuses saying that he/she didn’t really know what the relationship was. When someone defines the relationship, they’re saying “let’s be exclusive” and you’re saying

yes, which means you are exclusive. You don’t talk to other people romantically, you don’t go out on dates, and you don’t hook up with other people.

Still questioning how exclusive you are? Define it further – can I hook up with someone else then tell you about it before we hook up again? If the answer is no, then no. Keep asking questions until you are both in a comfortable place.  If you are uncomfortable about any of the standards that were set, it is something that needs to be addressed in order to avoid cheating.

If you did cheat, I understand the instinct.  If you do feel the need to cheat, break it off before you commit the crime. You’re in a new relationship, maybe one that scares you, or maybe one you’re not even sure you want to be in.  But always remember honesty is key.  You could cheat (although I would not recommend it) and be honest about it and still save your relationship.  Lying will always be the downfall.

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