I know how to make decisions. I know how to end things when they are going badly and I know how to determine what is making me happy and what is not.
Sometimes, though, those decisions are made and some time will pass. That “goodbye” gets twisted up into a bunch of nostalgic feelings that make me want to say “hello” again. I’ll dip my toes back in the pool, only to get a harsh and cold reminder as to why I left in the first place.
I get moments of caring, but for the most part I don’t care anymore.
The reasoning behind not caring about past relationships falls on the fact that I was either hurt by someone else or I realized I was hurting myself too much or hurting someone else. It makes it easy to let go of things when they cause more pain than love.
When I see your pictures, even though I miss you, I just feel disgust. When I think of our time together, even though it was fun, I only feel embarrassment. When I see your friends out and about, even though we used to be friends too, I only feel shame. When I think about rekindling an old flame, I only feel pain – and that’s why I don’t care.
I don’t care if you have a new girlfriend or if you’re having more fun without me. I don’t care if you cheated on me or said awful things about me. I don’t care if you yelled at me or I screamed at you. I don’t care because it’s easier not to care than to feel heartbreak all over again.