Your first love more often than not leads to your first heartbreak. It’s a hard lesson most of us have to learn, but in the end it’s for the better.
Initially, I blamed my ex. Called him every name in the book, drunk dialed too many times to count, cried like the world was ending, and told everyone how I had gotten screwed over.
Then, I asked myself a lot of questions. Was this my fault? Could I have been a better girlfriend? Would it have worked out at a different time? Did we love each other at all? Did we like each other at all?
Most of these questions I still revisit to this day, because a year and a half of being single has left me still not sure I want a relationship – like, ever. It probably was a little bit my fault and I definitely could have been a better girlfriend if the timing circumstances were different. Although, if we had met 5 years in the future, we probably wouldn’t have anything in common and I probably wouldn’t be who I am today – which is someone I am 80% content with (there’s always room for improvement). There wouldn’t have been any of the drama to overcome and I wouldn’t be so doe-eyed and naïve, it just would’ve been different.
I think most relationships that don’t work out go like this: They love each other at one point and like each other for a while. But being in love quickly turns to just love which quickly turns to caring and comfort. Liking each other quickly turns to tolerating each other which quickly turns to being stuck.
It starts as a fairy tale romance, but year after year we ignore how our relationships grow worse and worse. Is that what being in love is like? Being a part of something so grand that begins to dull and lose its spark but we deal with it because nothing gold can stay?
In the end, I don’t know if you were really in love with your first love because it all depends on how you feel with your last love. I haven’t had much to compare it to since, but I look forward to finding out if you can fall in love more than once or if you get one shot and it’s over.