Nice Guys Don’t Always Finish Last

“Nice guys finish last.” Why do I always hear that? There is some sort of stereotype in the world that says girls like to be treated like dirt, so they intentionally find the guys that are going to hurt them and ignore all of those wonderful ‘nice guys’ who are pining for them.

First of all: no one in the world wants to be treated poorly. Not girls, not guys – at least, not on purpose.

A girl won’t ignore you, not date you, or friendzone you just because you’re nice.  There are other factors involved such as: she doesn’t think you’re attractive, you act too much like a friend, you don’t have any sort of challenge or spark to you.  This isn’t personal – we’re all attracted to different types of people and you’re just not that person’s type.

Of course we want someone who is going to be nice to us.  But we don’t want someone who reminds us of our brother. Protective is great, but family-like is not. Did you ever stop to think that maybe you’re being too nice? To the point where it’s a little unrealistic…

Also who, besides you, is calling you a nice guy? Because nice guys (in my opinion) don’t put down other people just because they don’t like you.

Who even said the problem is you? Because a lot of the time, the problem is me! The girl you like might not want to date anyone, might be going through some problems, or recently got her heart broken.  It’s not because you’re a nice guy, it’s because she’s not ready.

I can agree that a lot of girls gravitate to guys who present more of a challenge – but a lot of guys also gravitate to girls who present more of a challenge. It’s all a matter of taste and in a lot of cases, it only takes getting hurt once for someone to realize they’re not always up for a challenge.

Stop blaming the fact that you’re not in a relationship on you being a nice guy.  That’s great if you’re a nice guy and I’m sure one day you’ll be making someone very happy! But there are a lot of single people in the world, a lot of people who try and fail at relationships, and their personalities all differ.  The nice guy doesn’t always finish last.

30 thoughts on “Nice Guys Don’t Always Finish Last

  1. You’re mostly right. Nice guys who lack great looks and are timid finish last. If you’re not a great looking guy and are of smaller stature you need an equalizer. This can be great sense of humor, a talent, or boldness. Something to give you an edge.

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      1. In their defense (because I was one of them) here’s the catch 22: In order to be bold it really helps to experience a modicum of success. It’s very difficult to have a loosey-goosey personality while being repeatedly rejected. It took me a long time to let these rejections roll off of me and to see the humor in life. Much easier said than done.

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      2. Oh yes, I can imagine. I just have a problem with those who think they’re being rejected because they’re nice or because girls only want guys who are mean to them. A lot of people get rejected and we all have to learn to see the humor in life – but like you said, much easier said than done 🙂

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  2. I think it’s a sort of unsuccessful-male-narcissism: I am brilliant. But HE got you. I hate HIM. I guess I hate HIM because HE’S a terrible person. So that means you like terrible people.

    They project their own anger that another man is dating, they hate the man in a relationship, and assume that their hatred is proof this guy is the worst.

    But the guys getting relationships aren’t terrible people. They’re nice guys. They joke around, go places with us, get us things, ask our opinion, accept our gifts, laugh with us, talk with us… they’re nice. They’re just not “Niceguys”.

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    1. Exactly! You’re right, a lot of that anger must stem from jealousy. From the outside looking in they could never understand someone else’s relationship, so when that girl they like complains once about their boyfriend all they can think about is how they’re better.

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      1. Yup. But I think the issue is they AREN’T outsiders. They have an emotional investment in another person’s relationship. An outsider could say “hey, her boyfriend leaves the toilet seat up and broke her favourite shoe, sounds like a bit of a clutz”. The rejected man instead says “what a horrible asshole! but I would never do that!!!”

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  3. You described me spot on. Haha. I am your stereotypical nice guy who always finishes last. I have been dumped because she went for someone more attractive or more confident. (However, that guy’s confidence was a little on the douchey side). I may not have great looks but I am not bad looking and I am nice, caring, and when anyone close to me is down, I can easily pick them up with a laugh as that is my strength. I love making people laugh. The problem is, I may take more than one date to warm up (2-3 dates) and most girls are all about that first date impression it seems like which sucks. I am not bad on a first date, I just may not be the “silver screen” date at first but if things progressed, I would do anything for my girl as I am old fashioned and driven. It is kind of like when they say it is better to be friends first than date because then you got to know them and it grows.

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    1. Haha aw! There’s nothing wrong with being a nice guy, but you should know that eventually things will work out for you. I’m pretty awful at first impression too so I can totally relate, I think a lot of girls look for confidence because they honestly lack it themselves. In the end, the people that reject you just weren’t meant to be and you should totally continue being a nice person so you can find the person that appreciates that 🙂

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      1. Haha. Thanks! Here’s hoping. All i ever wanted was just a solid relationship, family, travel, and someone to adventure with. Never been into parties, hookups, games (except board games because, well, come on. Haha), etc. My dream is to eventually go to one of my favorite beaches with my girl and sit on the beach all night listening to the waves crash. Just us, no one else. Cheesy i know. And i think confidence can be shown in more than one way and can take some time to come across. But you seem very sweet yourself and i love your blog posts!

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      2. I know exactly what I want in life. I am a go getter and i go for what i want. However, love is the one thing you can’t force, as it involves freewill and someone else, so it is hard to sit back and wait for it. Haha. Key is to be happy with where you are.

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  4. I was actually going to do a post about this soon. Nice guys do finish last. Nice guys, as defined, are not really nice. They are weak. Bad guys don’t finish first though. Good guys do. By good, I mean confident, but still able to treat a woman well. Not whiny unconfident guys and not full-blown douches. I always tell my friends. Don’t be a nice guy. Don’t be a bad guy. Be a good guy, be a man.

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    1. It’s true that confidence is something people look for in a partner and whining about how girls don’t like you because you’re a “nice guy” isn’t confidence. I like your last line, “be a good guy” is great advice.

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  5. Fortunately, it did work out for me, since I’ve been married 16 years, but as someone who was one of those guys, what made it frustrating was not just that I was a nice guy who kept getting rejected, being a nice person was the best thing I had.

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