Beyond A Physical Relationship

Terms such as “hooking up” and “friends with benefits” are pretty common these days. The hookup culture we live in means less relationships because our time is focused elsewhere. Whether we are career driven, education focused, dream chasing, or just plain selfish. There is a time in our life where relationships just aren’t possible so we avoid the emotional and lean towards the physical.

But that time in your life where a relationship isn’t possible doesn’t last forever. There eventually is a time where you are emotionally and physically available. Some start to look for relationships at that time and some choose to veer from them still. There is a time in our lives where we are all ready to settle down, but instead of doing so some choose to stay in the “hooking up” or “friends with benefits” stage.

Honestly, the physical thing just gets tiring. As if dating wasn’t hard enough, now you’re not sure if someone just wants to have fun or wants something serious. It’s like you have to have a pretty honest and serious talk on your first date, which is awkward but maybe necessary. Putting everything out on the line for someone who is looking for only a physical relationship – nothing serious – is a letdown.

And it’s disappointing when someone kisses you like they want to do you instead of kissing you like they actually like you. Obviously physical attraction is a big part of compatibility, but it all doesn’t have to be about shoving your tongue down someone’s throat or how long it will take to get them into the bedroom.

It’s kind of belittling to start to develop emotions for someone who is only looking at you like another notch on the bedpost. Especially when it seems pretty obvious that you are both at steady points in your lives and could settle for something serious. Consider going beyond a physical relationship. If you can’t or don’t want to, then you need to be straight up and honest with yourself and the person you’re considering taking out on a date. It’s nice to be physically wanted, but it’s nicer to be emotionally appreciated.

hc
photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/straightpimpin/

40 thoughts on “Beyond A Physical Relationship

  1. I’ve never really cared for just doing the physical relationship personally because it just isn’t a big deal to me. However, when someone kisses you because they want you physically and not emotionally, it just simply isn’t satisfying. It’s always interesting to read your posts. 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Love this! It’s so true on some many levels! It’s always hard! Then you have to really try and figure out what someone actually wants because things are never straight foward!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I completely agree. Being wanted because of who you are rather than what you look like is way more satisfying and meaningful. In a way, I hate that hookups and friends with benefits has become such a popular trend. I feel like it’s ruined the whole point of dating.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think the friends with benefits thing is okay to do at a certain point in your life, but after that you really need to evaluate what you want and start to form relationships because we’re not rowdy college kids anymore. The emotional connection really is so important because, like you said, it’s more satisfying and meaningful!

      Liked by 2 people

  4. “It’s like you have to have a pretty honest and serious talk on your first date…”

    This is true almost to a T. People are rarely straightforward about what kind of dating experience they want or if they are you feel weird writing off someone you like just because one or both of you are projecting “what ifs” beyond just that first date. Like, you can’t know how you’re going to feel in 3 months if you’ve only been on one date. So why open up the can of worms 3 months earlier? Except that you have to…

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Word. I’ve done the casual FWB thing and it was great and fun because we both knew what it was and had good boundaries. It’s still something I’m open to with the right boundaries, but yeah, the emotional stuff is the true cream filling for me, too 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I actually don’t believe in this “friends with benefits” thing because at one point one gets emotional attached. The only way is to have a one-night-stand. I think it’s okay to do this for some time but I think especially girls get self-doubts at one point because of the missing emotional acceptance. I really agree with you! xx

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Old guy here: It’s good to read that people out there are looking for more depth than the media (social and otherwise) would have you believe is ‘the norm’. There was a time when a couple were allowed to ‘take things slow’ and not have to be under a social pressure to tear each others clothes off. Good for you.

    Liked by 4 people

  8. During my 20’s and even edging into my 30’s, I “dated like a dude,” as I called it – I had many hookups and FWBs. I got to the point where I called everyone “Honey” or “Babe” because quite frankly, I didn’t want to put in the effort into anything lasting – including a name! As I’m closing in on 42, I’m feeling a huge disconnect with dating men right now. A lot of them are getting out of their first (or second, or third) divorces right now and feel as if they were somehow stifled in their marriages, so it’s time to bang anyone with girl parts. The thing is, they don’t fix themselves, they just replace. Now that I’ve done all this work on myself with counseling, etc., I feel like I’m light years away from most of the guys I encounter. Moral of the story: Guys, do the work, it’s worth it. We all need meaningful connections.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ohhh I can definitely relate to that even though we differ in age. I went through the same kind of phase and sometimes I wonder if I should just continue it since so many guys seem concerned with only one thing. It’s hard enough just to find someone I like so it’s disappointing when they avoid a meaningful connection

      Liked by 1 person

  9. emotionally appreciated is always the way to connect and learn from that person.

    I have a best friend who I always try and give advice but never understands the meaning of emotional connection.
    They up and on just hook up or just want to be friends with benefits which is a shame.
    Nowadays, no one really knows what they want or if they want to take a relationship serious.
    It’s all about knowing the person really well, studying them, and seeing or knowing of what they want out of life and if they intend to settle down and get serious with he/or she.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes, truly get to know someone. It all comes down to patience if one has patience to go out of their way and fully get to know someone, ask questions, know more about who they are as people. You’re not going to get anywhere with hooking up with someone trust me. Emotion connection is possible and there’s hope.

        Liked by 1 person

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