It took a lot for me to trust again after my first relationship. And then all the things that happened between that break up and you. All the ways I tried to get over heart break left me with zero trust.
I couldn’t put a label on anything. Swore up and down I didn’t want a relationship in college. Especially not another long distance one. I wanted to do the opposite of everything I had done the first two years of college. I thought maybe I was getting over that phase when I had met you.
I had hurt people, kind of purposefully but kind of on accident. I didn’t want to do that to you, so I refused the label of girlfriend and told you I wouldn’t commit. It drove you crazy and it drove me crazy that it drove you crazy.
We went through each other’s phones, accused each other of everything under the sun. I’d sometimes hint at wanting a relationship. But I had stolen all of your trust just as I had had mine stolen.
But I’m glad it didn’t work out. Even though you made me feel happy again, I was still so sad inside. And that projected onto you even if you don’t know it. I was going to hurt you badly and I did to a certain extent. It seems like I was using you and I wasn’t. I just couldn’t be the person you wanted me to be, I probably still can’t. And that’s why I stay away.
I’m glad it didn’t work out because I think we both learned a lot. I’m glad it didn’t work out because I didn’t want my problems to become your problems. I’m glad it didn’t work out because we never would’ve been fully happy together and I want you to find your happiness.
Rosie Culture 
It can be tough during the loneliness of college. I’m an old guy, but I always remember good relationships happened when I was focused on something else and not looking.
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Haha that is what everyone says! It’s hard to stop looking though
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It comes and goes unknowingly and sometimes unwillingly. ..
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I seem to be in such a similar place to you right now, it eerie lol. I am drawn to the saying lately what we give out is what we get back. So, if you are giving off I’m not that interested in a relationship signals, that’s what you get back. I always find the type of guys that are interested in me change depending on what I am giving off. When I’m free and antirelationship I get guys who are like that and usually only into sex. When I’m happy and content, sometime in there, good guy shows up and I’m pleasantly surprised. Best of luck, no hurry just enjoy life. 🙂
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That doesn’t happen to me lol when I was at the point in my life where I 100% didn’t want a relationship, everyone was trying to get me to be their girlfriend. Now that I’m not sure what I want, it goes either way. But I definitely need to just let things happen and enjoy life
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It is unreasonable for someone to expect a relationship from someone who is just not at that point in their life. But that’s the issue with feelings, reason doesn’t enter into them at all.
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So true, but it’s also unreasonable to expect someone to not want a relationship. So it was mostly my fault lol
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I think at that age, the notion of relationships can be problematic because you are still forming your ideas of what is and what isn’t what you want. I haven’t seen a single relationship from someone in college that has been really good if lasted, and not many have. Even if the feelings were there.
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I totally agree. I think most people I know form their relationships right before they’re about to graduate which can be a good time if you both know what you’re doing after graduation, but really everything is so up in the air in your early 20’s
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I think the main issue is forcing. I like when relationships develop. If you find you are naturally gravitating to a certain person, then you don’t need to label it until that commitment becomes vital.
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That’s what makes dating so hard, first dates with someone you met online are always sooo forced it’s awful. I think a lot of people just don’t let relationships develop anymore
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Agreed!
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Reblogged this on GUM | Growing Up Millennial.
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It can be tough especially when we try too hard. Keep busy Rosie, enjoy life and focus on what you want now and just making the most of your time. As cliched as it is, when the time’s right and it’s meant to be, you’ll meet someone that’s right for you and you’ll just click.
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I’m definitely trying to keep busy! There are so many factors to a relationship working out and in this one I wrote about I just wasn’t in the right place. Now I’m just trying to be in the right place
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Exactly. The right place for you.
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Sometimes it’s good to just take a break from dating and sex. Focus on things that you like to do or accomplish in life.
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I agree! It’s just very hard haha
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I completely understand.
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As love is blind, so you may just close your eyes and fall(in love) for things to work out :).
Why do one “fall” in love when falling means getting hurt?
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They say you should rise in love rather than to fall in love…..but it never easy as it sounds….it comes so slow and goes so fast that you can’t make things your way even if you want to.
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Yes it’s never easy, I totally agree
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