In college I really thought I didn’t need another relationship. Even though I sometimes got conflicted feelings about it, I still think the last thing I need is a relationship.
You felt the same way. It was so reassuring to have someone by my side who wasn’t going to beg me for a commitment. Just go with the flow and see how everything worked out. I was graduating in a couple months, so we both realistically knew it wasn’t going to work out anyway. But we liked each other – so why not enjoy the time we had together while we still had it?
You were afraid. I guess I was more sure about my level of commitment than you were. You were scared you’d end up liking me too much, but I think you were more scared that you were going to screw everything up. Which you did. But I took that risk.
I can’t really call it cheating, but I can call it a lack of respect. I never got insanely angry about it because then I’d just be like all the boys I dated who got mad at me for not being invested in something that wasn’t really relationship.
It kind of hurt – just because you ask a lot of questions about yourself when you’re cheated on. Am I pretty enough? Skinny enough? Good enough? But it was just one of those experiences that made me grow into a better person.
I’m glad it didn’t work out because it would have been much harder if we tried to make it work out. Even if we both had committed, it would’ve been a struggle and full of unhappiness.
I’m glad it didn’t work out because I’m sure it would’ve lead to hostility that we mostly avoided. I’d still buy you a tequila shot at the bar and I didn’t delete you on social media…again. I’m glad it didn’t work out because it’s just better this way.