Well I’m glad it didn’t work out, but I’m not really even sure what “it” is. It’s funny how something so far out of reach can feel so real. You were really just a mirage, a distant figure to help boost my self esteem. For how imaginary you really were, I still fell so hard.
A relationship formed over text messages and exchanging innocent pictures. I was so young and you were so young. I was so impressionable. I turned to strangers for confirmation that I greatly lacked in my real life. We were MySpace junkies, all looking for love that we just couldn’t find unless it was through a computer.
There was drama – how was there drama? It was so unnecessary and it hurt a lot. It shouldn’t have hurt that much, it shouldn’t have mattered at all. But I was so desperate to find myself and to find someone who understood me. I didn’t understand my self at the time and certainly no one else did either.
In a way you helped me. You gave me something to reach for, something to work towards. You gave me the naïve giggles and a smile to go to sleep with.
And we made it through years and years. You’re probably the only friend I’ve kept for this long – if you can even call us friends. We still slightly depend on each other, grasping at that person who is so out of touch that you can bring them back in whenever you want. We use each other in that way.
I’m glad it didn’t work out because we’re so much older now. Back then we were just kids looking for any answers we could get. I’m glad it didn’t work out because one day it might work out. Even if it doesn’t, that’s okay too.