Bear with me here, there’s only one part left after this one. A series of apologies and relationships that just didn’t work out, click here for part 1, click here for part 2, click here for part 3, click here for part 4.
We used each other as much as two people can use each other. Squeezed each other dry of all the pain we were trying to escape. You were always one for running away and you caught me at a time where I was running away too.
I said I didn’t care, you said you didn’t care. Yet you’d do things to spite me. And I’d scream at you for the things you did. I didn’t really know what a love hate relationship was until I met you.
We continued to hurt each other purposefully. And why? We aren’t really those people, the ones that want to make others feel the pain they’re feeling. But we turned into those people and really there was no turning back. I cared about you so much because you got me through the hardest part of my life. I loved you like I would love anyone who helped me through intense heartbreak.
But honestly I hated you. I know I’m not supposed to use the word hate, not unless I really mean it. I do mean it though. I guess I’ve forgiven you, but your presence is toxic. You’re a part of my past I can never revisit again. The comfort you gave me disappeared after a few months. I kept going back for more and you had nothing left to give.
I never really understood how you felt about me and I think that’s what haunts me the most. I told you everything and you offered me bits and pieces through the numerous fights we had. I needed more than that and you wanted more than me. You wanted something or someone else, I get it. I don’t know how we could’ve avoided this riff besides never sparking anything in the first place.
Anyway, I’m glad it didn’t work out. You’ll never know what you want, I truthfully don’t think you’ll ever just want one person. You’ll never feel full or satisfied. There’s something in you that can’t be pieced back together and I understand. I have something like that in me too. Which is why I’m glad it didn’t work out, no matter which way we spun it – we didn’t fit. And I’m not the person who will make you whole again. And you’ll only continue to rip me apart.