I’m Not Sold On Relationships

I’m not sold on relationships.

I’m not sold on the idea of only being with one person for the rest of your life. Because I’m only in my 20’s and feel like I’ve been 10 different people already. How can someone tolerate that much growth in their self, let alone someone else? Plus all I’ve seen is the divorce rate sky-rocket.

I’m not sold on fairytale romances where you meet “the one.” There are SO many people in the world and we’re only exposed to a small portion, even with the Internet. What are the chances you met “the one” at college in your home state?

I’m not sold on dedicating your life to someone else. I don’t think it’s a bad thing to be a little selfish, but in a relationship you shouldn’t be selfish at all.

I’m not sold on the dynamic most relationships adapt. Just settling into the first thing that comes your way, changing your dreams for someone else. You had plans to move out of state after graduation, but you don’t because of the relationship. Sure, it’s not a huge loss because you’re happy where you are. But it is a little bit of a loss – it’s still a “what if.”

I’m not sold on relationships, but that doesn’t mean that there’s not someone somewhere out there that can change my mind.

Screen Shot 2016-04-29 at 11.41.52 PM
photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/hollylay/

49 thoughts on “I’m Not Sold On Relationships

  1. I think at some point, you just know. It also helps to want the same things from life as the other person, without having to sacrifice too much. Idk how far into your twenties you are, but as someone who just turned 40, perhaps finding that special someone takes awhile. I’m sold on relationships if the end game is to get married and have a family. Otherwise, what’s the point?

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    1. I used to think that too, why bother being in a relationship if you’re not going to get married? I’m not so sure now because I don’t really feel that I want kids, nor do I think marrying someone for the rest of your life is realistic. It’s all very confusing but most people have told me when you know, you know

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  2. Miss 🙂 you write Posts which linger in the mind 🙂 AND the question whether relationships can ever last a lifetime, or whether we’re biologically programmed to last no longer than the ‘good ole’ seven year pre itch is at least interesting and worrying if children are involved. I’d guess none of us are sold on fairy tale romances, are happy to change also known as :/ ‘growing together’, but at the end of the day we all long to find our soul mate fall in love live happily ever after and there’s no harm hoping………… both my Grandparent’s reached their Golden Wedding’s so don’t lose hope 🙂

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  3. It happens. I got married in my very early 20’s and we’re 30 years in. Has it all been smooth, no. But I still love my wife as much or more as I did 30 years ago. When you find ‘the one’, you will know it.

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  4. I’m not sold on relationships, either. I wasted forty-one years of my life with the person I thought was “the one.”
    I could have stayed single and been alone and I wouldn’t have betrayed myself or given myself a disease.
    I should have stayed single…..no….I’m not sold on relationships.

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    1. I know the feeling, I only wasted four years on a relationship and felt that I wasted so much of my life. All I can take from it is that it was a learning experience and I am healthier and happier now – I can only hope that one day I won’t fear relationships as much as I do now

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  5. I agree with you, your young….go visit the world, enjoy yourself….if and when that special connection happens, grab it and enjoy it too!! you just never know when that is going to happen….I have been married 3 times….I was way to young for my first marriage…I was engaged in high school….I look back and think how frigin crazy that was…he was a wonderful man, were still friends and have a beautiful daughter….but just fell out of love…second….its a long story…but we have a wonderful son, and I don’t care if I ever see him again…LOL I don’t harbor bad feelings, just don’t need his presence in my life..I said I was never going to get married again…got a dog and was happy living alone doing my thing….however I met a wonderful man, he is my senior by 14 years…he’s a dear, so I agreed to marry him forever and ever….its the best feeling in the world to be in love…but at 20…..just keep having fun and be safe about sex….make memories, see places, just be happy….life really is short…..kat

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    1. Thank you for your advice 🙂 I do feel that while I’m in my 20’s I should be single and living it up – but at the same time, it would be fun to have someone to do stuff like that with. I’m glad you found the right person 🙂

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      1. hey theres nothing wrong with having a companion in life….just remember with all relationship’s its important to make sure you both know what you both expect out of it and make it equal in all ways….well at least that’s my opinion…nothing better than having a good friend along for the ride….just make sure they pay their way…kat

        Liked by 1 person

  6. Yep, right there with you hitting 31 in July. I don’t think we’re sold untill the ‘right’ salesman (there might even be a few of those out there) meet us at the right time. You’ll get there in time.

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  7. All so true! No worries, dating and relationships can help you grow in ways that might take you a little longer to experience on your own, but it can be very draining. Being able to grow on your own is awsome though and I am learning that even though my past relationships helped me grow, I am now in the stage where I am mature enough to see the benefits and growth in singleness while preparing for togetherness.

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  8. I was almost 30 when I got married and my husband was in his late 30s. I am glad we were on the older side. I think we both knew by then what we wanted and needed out of our relationship. Also if I hadn’t gone through some bad, I don’t know if I’d appreciate him as much as I do. But you are right, it is no fairy tale. Some days maybe, but it can’t be all the time because he will always and forever put the cereal box back into the pantry without closing it! That just doesn’t happen in fairy tales.

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  9. There are many things I would agree with in your post. But the optimist in me won’t let me give up on the hope, that eventually we all end up finding someone we can live with. The definition of a relationship is different for each of us, and maybe when two people find that they have most things regarding that in common, maybe they can try and see what it leads to ? Maybe that’s something that works out ?

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    1. I hope so, I wish I was more optimistic but the relationships I see make me doubt it. But I do agree with your point that the definition of a relationship differs which makes me think that my definition will hopefully be one that doesn’t mimic the relationships I see around me

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes, Rosie I do hope your definition is completely based on your own views, not biased by relatioships of others around you. Because we are all different when it comes to personal experiences and how we wish to fulfil them too. Something that makes others happy won’t work for you. But certain things others find problematic, might just work for you ! That’s why it takes time really, figuring out what works for us and finding that out is the most time consuming, at times frustrating even !

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  10. I’m definitely not a relationship person at the moment, but I think I am just pickier about who I would actually date over fuck. I enjoy my freedom. I was just telling a friend that if/when I were to get into a relationship again, I would probably have an open relationship. There just hasn’t been that someone I actually want to date seriously in the past couple years, but I also was in a 6 year relationship before that… which I don’t regret or anything, it helped me understand what I need out of a relationship.

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    1. yea I’m kind of in the same boat, I was in a four year relationship before. Then I swore off relationships for a while and now I just haven’t met anyone who I think I’d be okay with spending all my time with. If I ever got into a relationship again, it would probably happen at snails pace because I’m terrified of being smothered by someone else’s presence haha

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  11. Quite cool to see someone else who feels like this, had a messy breakup in February and since I’ve felt so much more free. Atm I value my freedom more than a relationship.

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  12. I had similar thoughts throughout my teen years. I wasn’t really convinced by my parents relationship. They’re still together but there have been 6 year long affairs and various other shadows within it. I started dating my partner 4 years ago and it took me a year and a half to convince myself I’d be able to trust someone enough to make that commitment. But the way our relationship has grown over the past year and a half makes me so glad I did commit. It’s not always easy but it definitely restored my faith in love. I can’t guarantee we’ll be together. I’m 22 and at the moment a lot is changing in our lives but I love the idea that we might grow old together. I write blog posts about my relationship sometimes. You should check them out.

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  13. I like your post and honesty and agree with you to some degree.
    Still, I think that being in a relationship should actually teach you how to tolerate the growth in yourself and in your significant other. Love is a good teacher, I believe. I also believe that you can like and even love a lot of different people, but there is only one love of your life.. if that makes any sense. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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