The 7 stages of grief are:
Shock, it doesn’t quite feel real that your relationship is over. Denial, we try to work things out, talk it out, do anything and change everything to get back together. Anger, we call you names. We tell you it’s all your fault, you’re a horrible person, you’re the reason I’m the way I am. Guilt, but we feel like we could’ve been better, it’s all our fault, I’m a horrible person and it’s just the way I am. Depression, nothing is going to change. All we can do is cry and sob. Acceptance, because how long can you lay in your bed crying for before you realize nothing is going to change? Engaging life, you don’t really have a choice.
I think some stages of grief just stick with you, or they come back from time to time when you’re feeling low in your life. A lot of people turn to anger because it’s easy. It’s the best way to pull the blame off yourself and to shove it on to someone else. Maybe the break up wasn’t your fault, maybe it was. But you certainly don’t want it to be your fault and you don’t want to be reminded of it. When you are, you get mad.
So we speak poorly about our exes. Because if we’re going to place the blame on anyone, it makes the most sense to go with the person that actually broke your heart.
But you went through those initial 7 stages for a reason. And that reason was because something happened and you’ve now moved on. Stop reverting back to the petty self you had to be in order to get over something traumatic. You’re better now, you’re better than that now. And every time you refer to your ex as a scumbag or evil or awful – you’re only hurting yourself.
Because he probably doesn’t care anymore. And I’m sure that hurts to hear – but he doesn’t. You can call him all the names you want and they’ll just bounce right off. He went through the 7 stages, too, and has moved on. If your ex is still bad mouthing you – let them. Let them say whatever they want to say and stop reciprocating because you’re not hurting anyone but yourself.
You have proven that you are strong and you are happy – so don’t let the past actions of someone else dictate how you feel now. They hurt you, but you don’t have to hurt yourself.