Bad Mouthing Your Ex Is Hurting You, Not Him

The 7 stages of grief are:

Shock, it doesn’t quite feel real that your relationship is over. Denial, we try to work things out, talk it out, do anything and change everything to get back together. Anger, we call you names. We tell you it’s all your fault, you’re a horrible person, you’re the reason I’m the way I am. Guilt, but we feel likeย we could’ve been better, it’s all our fault, I’m a horrible person and it’s just the way I am. Depression, nothing is going to change. All we can do is cry and sob. Acceptance, because how long can you lay in your bed crying for before you realize nothing is going to change? Engaging life, you don’t really have a choice.

I think some stages of grief just stick with you, or they come back from time to time when you’re feeling low in your life. A lot of people turn to anger because it’s easy. It’s the best way to pull the blame off yourself and to shove it on to someone else. Maybe the break up wasn’t your fault, maybe it was. But you certainly don’t want it to be your fault and you don’t want to be reminded of it. When you are, you get mad.

So weย speak poorly about our exes. Because if we’re going to place the blame on anyone, it makes the most sense to go with the person that actually broke your heart.

But you went through those initial 7 stages forย a reason. And that reason was because something happened and you’ve now moved on. Stop reverting back to the petty self you had to be in order to get over something traumatic. You’re better now, you’re better than that now. And every time you refer to your ex as a scumbag or evil or awful – you’re only hurting yourself.

Because he probably doesn’t care anymore. And I’m sure that hurts to hear – but he doesn’t. You can call him all the names you want and they’ll just bounce right off. He went through the 7 stages, too, and has moved on. If your ex is still bad mouthing you – let them. Let them say whatever they want to say and stop reciprocating because you’re not hurting anyone but yourself.

You have proven that you are strong and you are happy – so don’t let the past actions of someone else dictate how you feel now. They hurt you, but you don’t have to hurt yourself.

Screen Shot 2016-05-17 at 10.34.06 PM
photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/lneprz/

24 thoughts on “Bad Mouthing Your Ex Is Hurting You, Not Him

  1. I found the stages really funny because I have been going through them the past year… when I read “Engaging life, you donโ€™t really have a choice.” I couldn’t stop myself from laughing out loud! It really does start that way, but then you soon realize that we might as well just enjoy engaging life! :’)
    The only reason I can’t badmouth is because there is love, otherwise I probably would go ahead and do that too. Everything except the anger is on and off. Especially guilt and depression. And Denial. And Shock. And Acceptance. Uh oh. Well, at least the engaging life part is going well! :’) I guess ultimately it’s about choosing our own health and happiness over the pain. Once we actually realise that it’s a choice, things change drastically. Sure, there are bound to be bouts of these stages, but it won’t last ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It really does start off as doing what you have to do to get back into life and then you eventually start to enjoy it! Honestly I think all the other stages are more healthy than anger because I feel like anger tends to be useless and frustrating – it doesn’t have any rewarding results. So good for you for not being angry! Being happy is a choice, but one you have to work towards. The little pockets of grief along the way just make you appreciate the good moments more ๐Ÿ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  2. This is so true! I hear a lot of people talking really bad about their ex-boyfriends I mean, I do not now their story so I don’t judge but I think it a bit a pitty. In my case for example, I believe that he’s a really good person and the 3 years we spent together were amazing but in the end it just didn’t work… I can’t say he’s a bad person for this, maybe he could have putten more effort but relationship are built together so I do not deny I can have faults too… Thank you fro this post! Really good topic to write and read about! ๐Ÿ™‚
    https://fromdreamtoplan.wordpress.com/

    Liked by 1 person

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