Alright – I’m not saying I’m the nicest girl in the world right now. But I used to be pretty mean.
Nowadays I think they would’ve called me a bully in high school – in my day we just called it being mean girls. I walked around with a glare on my face most of the time, got in catty fights with my friends, and barely spoke to anyone I didn’t want to speak to.
I carried it with me into college. I liked who I liked and if I didn’t know you then I didn’t really feel the need to get to know you. I was mean because it was easier. It was easier than forming relationships with every single person I met because that always seemed to end in disappointment.
It was easier to be mean because it meant I didn’t have to open up. People just chalked it up to me being an unpleasant person – but I made it so the people I did spend time with knew that they were special to me. That I didn’t let just anyone into my life. That they meant something to me while everyone else meant literally nothing.
I accepted the names that were thrown at me, crowned myself a queen b, and moved on with my life. But after getting hurt multiple times by guys I was dating and multiple friends – I realized mean was all I had left in me.
Being mean did not shelter me from being disappointed.
In order to move on from the hurt, I had to move on from the mean. I realized it was getting me nowhere. While I had great friends, I had a hard time meeting new people. And I just found it became easier to be nice upon meeting someone instead of being stand offish.
Because as much as everyone loves a boss, that doesn’t mean that chick is actually going to be loved. Why would I want people to dislike me? Why wouldn’t I open myself to the opportunity to know as many amazing people as possible?
It has impacted the way I leave break ups, the way I form and break friendships, and has changed my outlook. Do I end up with more disappointments than I used to? The truth is, no. Because the people you attract while being mean are probably people who are going to disappoint you anyway.
I am much more open and insecure now though – but that is a small price to pay to be able to finally build your confidence off of something positive rather than negative. If people don’t like me I know its because of me, not just because I’m mean. And while that is disheartening, you really can’t please everyone.
There is always someone who is going to be nicer than you. And there will always be occasions where sass, sarcasm, and a side eye will be necessary. But in general, being nice is just easier than being mean. So I took off my queen b crown and squeezed into the crowd because I’m happier here.