Online dating…I don’t recommend it.
I hate Tinder, Match was awful, Coffee Meets Bagel was annoying, Bumble is just frustrating. All of these things aren’t bad because I’m against online dating, they’re bad because online dating is not for most people.
If you are young, single, career driven, and happy – you really don’t need those dating apps. And going on dates off of them is just going to drive you insane. Why? Because you have better things to do with your time than go eat sushi with a stranger and feel pretty uncomfortable the whole time.
Because you work in a place where you can meet people. Your friends work in places where they can introduce you to people. You go out on weekends to places where you can meet people. You are simply adding another thing to your agenda, something that you aren’t even that enthusiastic about because it is just so awkward.
Despite your age or career, if you’re new to an area or having a hard time meeting people – then I will recommend dating apps (specifically Bumble, the rest are garbage). Because it’s very hard to meet people if you don’t get to go out all the time or if you don’t have any friends in your area. If you really stay home every night with your cat and can’t find anyone to make plans with – then use the apps, go on a date. You’re not wasting any time, you’re just skipping another night of TV and wine, which you can afford to do.
I’ll also recommend dating apps to you if you’re not actually looking for a relationship. If you’re totally cool and down for a hook up or friends with benefits, then I am positive you will find it on Tinder or OKCupid.
Overall, I don’t like dating apps and don’t think they work for a majority of people in their early 20’s, like me. They introduce you to a world of endless possibilities, which actually makes it harder to pick someone to date. Because the selections never end, you might find something better, etc. etc. And if you’re in college then I can guarantee you don’t need those apps.
Dating apps just fulfill a need for attention and cause a lot of conflict when there are so many people available to you. It is totally possible to meet someone in person, it just takes patience and time. Online dating surely works for some people, but I think the rest of us need to delete the app and accept that we’re just attention hungry and bored.
Rosie Culture 
I think online dating can work for people who are shy as they have the opportunity to get to know someone via email, instant messaging and over the phone. In my younger years I used internet dating (not apps). If someone uses a dating website it may be worth using a (reputable) paid service, by which I mean one with good independently verified feedback. There are, of course paid scam sites, hence the need to check them out prior to parting with any money. If a site is free it does, in my experience attract a lot of time wasters, while if signing up entails parting with cold, hard cash generally only serious people will pay to join. Of course people can be anyone online. That “tall, handsome stranger” may turn out to be a short, bald man in his late fifties when you meet him! Conversely, meeting people naturally through work, in a bar etc can be less pressured. A pleasant conversation may, or may not lead onto something else. Kevin
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There is a lot of pressure that surrounds online dating, and to someone who is shy it could be great to get to know someone but then there’s the whole ordeal of meeting. I paid for Match once and it was a dud, though I could see something like that working out for older people and not people my age. It’s very tricky and very frustrating to use online dating.
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I’ve always been 9f the frame of mind that online dating is devoid of the one thing that validates a relationship better than most other things: physical touch.
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well the physical touch happens after you meet online! It can work but it’s definitely different
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PLEASE SENT THIS TO MY MOM. She has a coworker friend who been divorced twice and just got engaged (I think using OCK) but now every discussion we have leads to why don’t you online date?? I have tried time and again to explain that if you’re 40+ and serious it’s a whole lot different.
Everyone (who doesn’t online date) tells me about how great it is. Really? That’s great advice seeing you have never done it. On the flip side I have talked to people who’ve tried it and are much more “meh” about the whole thing that have a clear understanding of the ins and outs.
I’m still sort of trying but I find it super hard to drum up conversation based on what someone puts in there profile especially when I ask something looking for more detail and they tell me the same thing that’s already in there profile.
Your reference to eating sushi with a stranger really hit home – I mention in my profile I like pizza and I think 80% of the guys bring this up or ask if I want to go out for pizza. I find that they are so adamant on a meal. I would feel much more comfortable going for a drink or coffee. You can sip it or guzzle depending on how the dates going and if I’m really nervous I have a hard time eating.
And I agree “young, single and career driven” you’re busy. I start talking a guy and then I’m like “oh, crap” if he asks me out I don’t even have a night free to go!” So then its just trying to squeeze something else into your schedule (which is even tougher if they want a meal).
I am on OCK but I did read an article saying that Bumble was the best. Thoughts? I might give it a try before I give it all up.
LOVED THIS POST!!
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Yes I totally relate to all of this haha being too nervous to eat, striking up conversations, and finding a place in my schedule for the date was one of the hardest parts! online dating is just not for everyone. But if you’re gonna try it I would recommend bumble, I hated okcupid. But on bumble girls have to message first which is terrifying. Good luck!
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Maybe you are right that it works for older people. I met my husband online 15 years ago. We had both been invited to a party and I didn’t go at the last minute . I believe people who are meant to be in our life cross our path wherever that may be. For every bent pot there is a bent lid!
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That’s awesome, I think I believe that too! And I love that saying 🙂
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I have to say, many of my friends (around age 30) meant their future husbands or fiancés on a dating site. They met guys before then on dating sites too, and well those dates obviously didn’t go so well. What I have learned is you have to do a lot of talking and weeding out before you even date. And if you can meet someone in real life, often, all the better.
Great post.
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Yes definitely, I think early 20s is too young for online dating because we’re not even looking to weed people out or put in the effort to talk to them. Thank you 🙂
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This post couldn’t have come at a better time (for me at least!). I went on a date last week with a guy I met on Bumble and I thought it went pretty well but then he just never really texted me after and we haven’t talked since. We texted for a little over three weeks before meeting and from what he told me and what I found on his social media accounts, I had to fill in some gaps and ended up creating this idea of him that didn’t really match who he apparently is. It sucks because I did get my hopes up, but it’s something I can say I did. And right now I don’t have the time or energy to be worrying about dating so I might take a break for now. But great article! I agree with everything you said!
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Ugh I always got my hopes up every time I went on a date, it’s the worst. Even if you don’t really like them, you build up this whole idea of them and then it ends up being a dud. You’ll get em next time 🙂
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Hey Rosie, I tried it once. I had just broken up with my guy.Then guess who i find on tinder, MY EX! he had been there for a long time and the bitch he cheated me with, they met on tinder. Fuck! and yet we have been dating for almost 2 years. The reason I even went on tinder is because after i broke up with him, my girlfriend pushed me to it. Talk about a fucking lying bastard. I need to write about tinder experience. But me and him never met on tinder. Funny thing, i believe if you meet someone online, it doesn’t last. I have read screepy situations on facebook about online dating.
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Wow that’s the worst!! Online dating, especially tinder, is usually just a slipper slope
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I loved Plenty of Fish, had a great time. Never trusted tinder, seems too judgemental. I was on the POF for 5 months before I came accross someone I would meet. Always lots of pictures! Plenty of input preferred. I love online because it allowed me to meet like minded people from another county which I struggled to find in my own town, even a year in college brought no men..none! POF gave me a successful 2 year relationship.
In the end it was facebook that brought me the love of my life. We started chatting in a group Cork Vegans and Vegetarians which is his city. Ended up trading recipes etc, then after chatting for months met twice as friends and not much later I now live with him in Cork. Online dating can be fun even to meet new friends, never dinner on a first date. Always a tea , maybe a walk 😊
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Ah I tried plenty of fish but didn’t have the patience to wait 5 months like you. You’re right it’s all about finding like minded people and I guess online dating or a Facebook group is a great way to do that!
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I’m no fan of on-line dating and I’ll go further still every middle aged woman I’ve spoken to who’s speed dated (“cattle market” one’s words) or tried dating sites has horror stories to tell.
Young lady you are a woman wise beyond your years with this post, there are easier ways for certainly youngish people meet. I’m on a roll here 🙂 , and in my opinion men only log onto Tinder if they’re hoping for sex! Or fwb! Being serious I understand dating is difficult for single middle aged women with children, sometimes heartbreakingly difficult, and there are nasty men out there who take advantage of them.
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😀 btw I’m not on Tinder lol!!!!!!
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That is very true, but there are plenty of men who use tinder for dating too. It’s a lonely world out there
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Yes.
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My issue with the apps has always been that you can’t distill that essential, je ne sais quoi spark onto a profile, you know?
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Yes! I wrote a post about how it lacks spontaneity, I’m a hopeless romantic that believes in love at first sight and such and online dating misses that
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Reblogged this on Build a Dean and commented:
I’m by no means an expert on relationships or romance, although I’m beginning to become more adjusted to the concept. Someone who has certainly adjusted when it comes to this area is Rosie from the blog ‘Hookup Cultures’! I’ve been reading her blog now for a while and it’s really good. Especially for someone like me, who wouldn’t be the best in these situations!
Her latest post is about online dating. I’ve personally used apps such as Tinder, but what do people really want from a social media dating app like this? Well, you’re in luck! Rosie is here to save the day and sprinkle some insight..
Be sure to check her blog out and follow her if you enjoyed, it’s a great! read!
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Thanks for reblogging! 🙂
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No problem, It was a good post 🙂
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LOL. Interesting. I met the guy I’m dating on Black People Meet and were good. It was hard. I went through a lot of jerks and then I met a great guy. It’s always 20-1. For every 20 guys there are at least 20 jerks that you have to go through.
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Hey, completely agree – I hated online dating for finding a parter, but can so far confirm that Tinder is definately good if hook ups are your thing. See my latest post on my first Tinder date. Was quite an experience!
https://singlefemaleblog.wordpress.com/2016/09/06/tinder-date-1-gil-the-israeli-29-censored-if-you-are-a-child-or-a-member-of-my-family-do-not-read-this-thanks/
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