Do you ever get into a period of time where you’re at your highest of highs or lowest of lows? And that period of time lasts weeks or months or maybe even years. So when a different emotion comes up you’re not even really sure what it is.
That’s kind of what it’s like after you haven’t been in love for a while. You don’t know what it felt like or what it’s supposed to feel like. You’re not even sure what it’s like to be happy with someone else. You’re emotionally stupid and it’s extremely frustrating.
I feel like I momentarily shut off my emotions for like 3 years and that it may have caused a little bit of damage to how receptive I am to my emotions. I recognize sad, I recognize happy – but I don’t always understand where they are coming from. Why I’m sad or why I’m happy.
It turns into an extremely frustrating situation where I think things to death. I cause problems that are unnecessary and I feel helpless. All because I can’t read my own emotions.
A lot of us broken people put off feeling certain ways because it just feels better to feel nothing. It hurts less when you don’t care, when you don’t get emotionally attached.
But it’s hard to find and figure out those feelings again. All you know is what you knew before and that wasn’t necessarily the right situation for you. All I know is my last relationship, one that was extremely toxic and left me in such a lost state. Every feeling I feel now goes back to those feelings.
All in all, I never learned how to feel. I had these messed up emotions that I tucked away and when I took them back out I realized I’d never known how to use them in the first place.
Being emotionally stupid is hard because in most cases, you are the only one who knows what you’re feeling. And when you can’t explain those feelings it can become disastrous.