Accepting The Past

I feel like I have been through so many versions of myself. I was once shy, cold, and moody in high school. I was a push-over and boyfriend obsessed my first half of college. I was reckless and couldn’t be caught when I graduated college. And now I am settled, finding new parts of myself, and trying to fit in the old parts.

But the old parts make me cringe. Parts of my life that I used to be so fond of now seem so embarrassing. I have a hard time accepting my past, so I try to just repress the memories. Some of them were good, some were bad, but my over-thinking self really only remembers the times when I felt the worst.

Accepting the past is hard because dwelling on mistakes is easy. Even though I’ve moved on in life and those experiences got me to where I was, I still kind of wish they never happened.

I drank too much sometimes, kissed the wrong guys in the wrong places at the wrong time. I turned down opportunities to make other people happy. I held on to friends who were never good to me. And it all still hurts like fresh wounds when I let the thoughts creep back.

How do I accept the past when the bad times simply blind me? I want to enjoy the life I’ve lived, not regret it.

Capture
Photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/ifeel_infinite/

16 thoughts on “Accepting The Past

  1. This post connects with me so much. It took me until my late 20s to mature out of some of those same things. Don’t worry all of those experiences have made you a better person today, if you didn’t learn or grow from them then you should be worried.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. it’s kind of silly but my father always said the rearview mirror is small and the windshield is big for a reason. You’re young, your blinding mistakes will someday be sparkles of wisdom in your eyes because they will have all taught you something

    Liked by 1 person

  3. when you cannot change something/when it is not under your control and no matter what you do it cannot be changed, the best is to accept it. And know that ya I did all these stuff that made me me today. In the future, I will know because of these experiences, which guys to kiss, which friends to let go and when to stop drinking. I know it is easier said than done. However, once you start accepting things as they were and acknowledge them the sooner you will reach a point of stoic peace.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. It’s interesting, my blog post from yesterday, titled “Chasing Waterfalls”, was about this exactly. As those of us in recovery would say, we live one day at a time. The past is gone. The future is completely unknown and not promised. The “present” is a gift. Be “present” to the love of God for you in the “present” moment….

    Liked by 1 person

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