Losing Who You Are

I just purged my closet. I gathered up at least 50% of the clothes I had and donated them. It seems a little drastic, but it needed to be done. I just don’t feel like myself anymore, I don’t even know who that person is.

I’ve gotten so caught up in so many webs. I’m tied to the version of myself that works a 9-5 job, the version of myself that is a friendly blogger, the version of myself that is a punk pop dork, the version of myself that kind of hates everyone, the version of myself that is a perfect girlfriend and dog mom, and the version of myself that just wants to lay in bed all day.

How can one person be pulled in so many different directions?

I looked at my closet and realized I didn’t identify with any of the clothing in there. I bought them because they’re work appropriate or because I see all the girls on Instagram wearing them. And then hidden inside were a few pieces that really felt like me and that just seemed wrong. Even if I’m going to be pulled in all of those directions, I can at least have a common thread.

So I bought a bunch of second hand clothes that felt like me (most of them in the color black…) and I’m starting fresh to find myself again. I have to admit I’ve been in an appearance slump for a while. I thought about drastically changing my hair, I’ve gone to the gym a lot more, but nothing was really hitting the spot for me. I also have to admit that I’ve been watching a lot of Queer Eye lately which has inspired me to stop being so hard on myself and to just try to love myself. Even if I have a thousand versions of me, I have to love my core.

woman holding mirror against her head in the middle of forest
Photo by Tasha Kamrowski on Pexels.com

17 thoughts on “Losing Who You Are

      1. It was really good, but it started to fall off a bit because the novelty wore off a little bit, and the guys they were working with had it together a little bit more. The first bunch of guys they worked with were disasters, and it was much more entertaining!

        Liked by 1 person

  1. I REALLY loved this post. Probably because I can relate to it so well.

    There are so many different aspects of my personality that I try to maintain – the friendly, always-on-top-of-her-shit blogger who discusses how I keep my life together, the 8-5 email marketer, an out and proud member of the lgbt community who likes to speak out about her viewpoints, a fangirl who tweets about celebrities and tv shows and writes fanfiction, a bookworm who prefers staying in on friday nights to going out and drinking at a bar, a poet who writes and shares too much online… it gets tiring trying to keep up when you feel like you’re pulled in so many different directions.

    On days when I truly struggle with this, however, I just think to myself: I am who I am, no excuses.

    I am 100% unapologetically me and despite how different all these versions of myself are… they are all still ME. And to make me unique, I have to embrace all the parts of me and merge them and just realize it’s okay to be more than one.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. YAAAAAS! I also relate. I’ve been having a massive clothing slump too, where I feel that none of my clothes are really ‘me’ anymore, because so many of mine I bought years ago (as I spend all spare money on travel) so they’re quite outdated, or I buy them specifically for travelling so they’re not entirely my style either. As I’m moving abroad soon, I’m going to be using that as an opportunity to buy a few new pieces, so hopefully I find things I like, haha. Also, I personally use make-up as an expression of myself, I’ve really gotten into trying out new make-up styles and shades and I find that I’ve really found myself more by doing that.

    Glad that you’re finding yourself again, what a perfect last sentence 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes!! I actually never shop, I buy like one piece every 3 months because I choose to spend my money else ware so now everything is outdated or old or just don’t fit my personality. I used to love make up but I’ve formed such a hate with it because I’m not really happy when I’m not wearing it – that’s the next thing to work on! Good luck with your move 🙂

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  3. I go through my closet frequently and see the same 5 things I wear regularly. But for some reason I just can’t part with the stuff. “I might need it for something” is usually my answer, but I’ve been doing better lately. I feel like I’m in the weird middle ground of still being young-ish but also being a mom and after 3 years on prednisone I’m still not used to not looking 11 months pregnant so I feel like nothing works in my closet. Except black. I sometimes feel like I’m Wednesday Addams 🤣 with all the black I wear.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I was like that too! But I finally decided to just part with them. I definitely feel you, I’ve gained weight and just haven’t been able to accept myself recently, I think that’s why it feels so good to start over.

      Liked by 1 person

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