Losing Who You Are

I just purged my closet. I gathered up at least 50% of the clothes I had and donated them. It seems a little drastic, but it needed to be done. I just don’t feel like myself anymore, I don’t even know who that person is.

I’ve gotten so caught up in so many webs. I’m tied to the version of myself that works a 9-5 job, the version of myself that is a friendly blogger, the version of myself that is a punk pop dork, the version of myself that kind of hates everyone, the version of myself that is a perfect girlfriend and dog mom, and the version of myself that just wants to lay in bed all day.

How can one person be pulled in so many different directions?

I looked at my closet and realized I didn’t identify with any of the clothing in there. I bought them because they’re work appropriate or because I see all the girls on Instagram wearing them. And then hidden inside were a few pieces that really felt like me and that just seemed wrong. Even if I’m going to be pulled in all of those directions, I can at least have a common thread.

So I bought a bunch of second hand clothes that felt like me (most of them in the color black…) and I’m starting fresh to find myself again. I have to admit I’ve been in an appearance slump for a while. I thought about drastically changing my hair, I’ve gone to the gym a lot more, but nothing was really hitting the spot for me. I also have to admit that I’ve been watching a lot of Queer Eye lately which has inspired me to stop being so hard on myself and to just try to love myself. Even if I have a thousand versions of me, I have to love my core.

17 thoughts on “Losing Who You Are

      1. It was really good, but it started to fall off a bit because the novelty wore off a little bit, and the guys they were working with had it together a little bit more. The first bunch of guys they worked with were disasters, and it was much more entertaining!

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  1. I REALLY loved this post. Probably because I can relate to it so well.

    There are so many different aspects of my personality that I try to maintain – the friendly, always-on-top-of-her-shit blogger who discusses how I keep my life together, the 8-5 email marketer, an out and proud member of the lgbt community who likes to speak out about her viewpoints, a fangirl who tweets about celebrities and tv shows and writes fanfiction, a bookworm who prefers staying in on friday nights to going out and drinking at a bar, a poet who writes and shares too much online… it gets tiring trying to keep up when you feel like you’re pulled in so many different directions.

    On days when I truly struggle with this, however, I just think to myself: I am who I am, no excuses.

    I am 100% unapologetically me and despite how different all these versions of myself are… they are all still ME. And to make me unique, I have to embrace all the parts of me and merge them and just realize it’s okay to be more than one.

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    1. I love that! I definitely think I’m struggling with incorporating all those parts of myself into the 100% unapologetically me – I just want to merge them and always be authentic

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  2. YAAAAAS! I also relate. I’ve been having a massive clothing slump too, where I feel that none of my clothes are really ‘me’ anymore, because so many of mine I bought years ago (as I spend all spare money on travel) so they’re quite outdated, or I buy them specifically for travelling so they’re not entirely my style either. As I’m moving abroad soon, I’m going to be using that as an opportunity to buy a few new pieces, so hopefully I find things I like, haha. Also, I personally use make-up as an expression of myself, I’ve really gotten into trying out new make-up styles and shades and I find that I’ve really found myself more by doing that.

    Glad that you’re finding yourself again, what a perfect last sentence 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes!! I actually never shop, I buy like one piece every 3 months because I choose to spend my money else ware so now everything is outdated or old or just don’t fit my personality. I used to love make up but I’ve formed such a hate with it because I’m not really happy when I’m not wearing it – that’s the next thing to work on! Good luck with your move 🙂

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  3. I go through my closet frequently and see the same 5 things I wear regularly. But for some reason I just can’t part with the stuff. “I might need it for something” is usually my answer, but I’ve been doing better lately. I feel like I’m in the weird middle ground of still being young-ish but also being a mom and after 3 years on prednisone I’m still not used to not looking 11 months pregnant so I feel like nothing works in my closet. Except black. I sometimes feel like I’m Wednesday Addams 🤣 with all the black I wear.

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    1. I was like that too! But I finally decided to just part with them. I definitely feel you, I’ve gained weight and just haven’t been able to accept myself recently, I think that’s why it feels so good to start over.

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