I’m an overthinker which sometimes leads to me being stuck in this rut of confusion because I can’t comprehend life. I can’t comprehend death. I just don’t get it.
As yesterday was 9/11, I read this article. And watched a video that included a lot of audio from the day. The correspondence from plane to airports, voicemails left from the planes and the towers. All of it completely gutted me. I read the article because it explained a little how I was feeling. I just don’t get it.
How rescheduling your flight may have caused your death. Ironing your shirt saved your life. It’s all so hard to comprehend.
And sometimes I think about how I got to where I am at all. All the randomness and choices that I brushed off as mundane that actually changed the course of my life. I originally had all my sights set on going to college in North Carolina, but last minute stayed in New Jersey and had the time of my life. I took the job I have over three years ago and never thought it would land me in New Hampshire. My boyfriend and I had plans to go to a night market last year and decided not to go because we were tired. There was a shooting there that weekend.
Every tiny decision could change your life, but it’s all just so random. You are here one minute. You are gone and just not a breathing or thinking person anymore the next. Why try to sit here and understand it? It’s just how my brain works and yes, it keeps me up at night.