If you read my word for 2020, you’ll know I’ve decided to assign the word “acceptance” to this year. It’s something I’ve been think about a lot lately, I even wrote about it a little bit in my resisting happiness post.
If there’s one thing I could wish for myself, it would be the ability to stop overthinking things. I’m convinced no one thinks about things as much as I do. Small things, big things, life things, things that have happened in the past. I think about the best and worst case scenarios and what scenario my life fits into now.
I think about my job. Am I happy? How long should I stay here? Am I doing well?
I think about my relationship. Am I ready for forever? Is this how it’s going to be forever? Am I happy with forever?
I think about where I am, right now in life. What does my life need to be like in 5 years? What decisions need to be made? Should we stay here, should we move?
It’s exhausting and I wish I could just STOP thinking about it. Because maybe if I stopped thinking about it, everything would just be. And maybe I would just be happy with that. Let things come and go as they please, go with the flow of life. Stop analyzing everything to the point where I’m basically convincing myself that I just need some kind of change.
I wish I could settle. I wish I could stop thinking and accept my life the way it is.