At my age, a lot of decisions I have to make seem like very final decisions. They seem like decisions that will affect the rest of my life.
If you’re dating, you have to decide if you’re going to commit because it’s getting to be around “that age” where people want to get married. If you’re finding a new job, it could make or break your future career. Are you buying a house that you can’t afford? Adopting a pet that will be with you for a long time?
Everything seems to need a commitment.
And it looks so easy for other people. They pick what they want and they stick to it. But it’s not that easy for me. I change my mind constantly. I won’t buy a house because I don’t want to be in the same spot for more than a few years. I don’t like consistency.
Maybe it’s not that easy for other people. Maybe you just took a leap of faith. You liked the person you were dating so you just dove head on into marriage, ready to tackle whatever comes your way. But for me, I just think about how much I am not ready to tackle. How my ever-changing mind doesn’t like thinking about something that’s supposed to be forever.
I’ve done the same thing with every single job I’ve ever had. When I take it, I just think oh I’ll be here 6 months then I’ll move on. Which hasn’t been true and I am starting to feel that kind of stuck feeling, like there’s no way out. Because I’m good at this and I should stay, but my brain wants to buy an airstream and travel and be alone, I want to fail and succeed in interesting ways and I don’t want to have to worry about holding anything else or anyone else down in the process.
How do you commit? Is it a leap of faith or just deep trust within yourself? Because right now, I have neither.
Rosie Culture 
I can relate to this so much; I hate the thought of being tied down to a life where everything is decided & I can’t easily switch up my plan. I’m a few months off graduating and it feels like there are so many paths I could take and the fear of not picking the right one is overwhelming. I guess the best thing is to follow your heart & do what feels right at the time..I believe things happen for a reason & whatever you decide it’ll work out in the end. There’s a quote from a book that I love that says if you think something is right for you, go for it. If it turns out you were mistaken you can always disentangle it later, but if you don’t seize the opportunity when it is there you may lose it forever. However stuck you may feel there will always be a way out, so don’t let the fear of the future stop you from living in the now x
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I love that, thank you! I just gotta keep pushing myself to take the chances, even if they end up being the wrong path!
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Great post! I really love your honesty and ability to look at yourself through a very realistic lens. I’m on the opposite end of the spectrum—I crave stability and will usually over-commit to things because I want so badly for them to work out. I’ve stayed at jobs for much longer than I should have, and there were honestly probably times when breaking up with my then-boyfriend now-husband would have been an easier choice, especially through long-distance (though I am SO grateful that never happened).
I think part of it is a stubborn personality, while other times you really do have to know, especially when talking about a commitment as huge as marriage—I cannot imagine making that choice without being fully, 100% confident in your relationship, which I think comes with a lot of time getting to truly know them.
Also, I think there’s major value in not wanting to stay still, and seeking out new and exciting opportunities. I’m willing myself to take more risks and chances, and I think that’s key to long-term balance. Thanks for sharing and making me think today!
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Thanks for reading! I really like what you wrote about a break up being the easier choice, I kind of think this is the direction I think in. Leaving a job or relationship is often the easier choice rather than putting in the work. I think that’s what I struggle with, I don’t like things to be hard lol
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I was a restless worker. I did great for a couple of years but after that I started looking around. When my wife and I married we moved at least a dozen times in ten years. We thought it was fun. Now things are finally settling. At your age your mind is young, you might be like me and get a little restless. It happens. In time you will make the right decision in anything you choose. Time has a way of creating good common sense. Until then, don’t worry. You are making good decisions.
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It’s nice to hear someone else was kind of on the same path as me! So many people I know are ready for that settling down point, but I’m just not there yet.
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I think everyone has that feeling about being tied down and stuck somewhere but you don’t need to analyse where you are and where youre going constantly. Just live each day and be ready to embrace any opportunities that get presented. Life has a way of showing you where you can go.
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I read once that the best decisions are those you can unmake and I still believe this to be true.
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I have a tough time committing to anything, too! I think this is the Gemini in us, Rosie. 😝
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