I feel like I have been through so many versions of myself. I was once shy, cold, and moody in high school. I was a push-over and boyfriend obsessed my first half of college. I was reckless and couldn’t be caught when I graduated college. And now I am settled, finding new parts of myself, and trying to fit in the old parts.
But the old parts make me cringe. Parts of my life that I used to be so fond of now seem so embarrassing. I have a hard time accepting my past, so I try to just repress the memories. Some of them were good, some were bad, but my over-thinking self really only remembers the times when I felt the worst.
Accepting the past is hard because dwelling on mistakes is easy. Even though I’ve moved on in life and those experiences got me to where I was, I still kind of wish they never happened.
I drank too much sometimes, kissed the wrong guys in the wrong places at the wrong time. I turned down opportunities to make other people happy. I held on to friends who were never good to me. And it all still hurts like fresh wounds when I let the thoughts creep back.
How do I accept the past when the bad times simply blind me? I want to enjoy the life I’ve lived, not regret it.
Rosie Culture 
Wow! I am totally feeling you on this post.
I am thinking about things, lately, too and sometimes I just don’t know what to do with all this “stuff” in my head, ya know?
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I totalllllly get it. Maybe it’s the season, but I’m so nostalgic right now and overthinking constantly.
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I linked your post; I hope it’s okay. 🙂
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The truth in this… I FEEL you girl. X
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It is SO tough!
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This post connects with me so much. It took me until my late 20s to mature out of some of those same things. Don’t worry all of those experiences have made you a better person today, if you didn’t learn or grow from them then you should be worried.
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Now that I’ve matured out of them I feel so weird about it! But you’re right, at least I grew from it and moved on.
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I can definitely relate to the flashbacks and bad memories. I think the key is to accept those thoughts and try to change, and if you don’t change, to love yourself anyway. 🙂
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I’ve definitely changed but it’s soooo hard to accept those bad memories
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I’m with you, how can you love your past when you hate who you were???
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it’s kind of silly but my father always said the rearview mirror is small and the windshield is big for a reason. You’re young, your blinding mistakes will someday be sparkles of wisdom in your eyes because they will have all taught you something
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That’s not silly, I really like that! 🙂
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when you cannot change something/when it is not under your control and no matter what you do it cannot be changed, the best is to accept it. And know that ya I did all these stuff that made me me today. In the future, I will know because of these experiences, which guys to kiss, which friends to let go and when to stop drinking. I know it is easier said than done. However, once you start accepting things as they were and acknowledge them the sooner you will reach a point of stoic peace.
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It’s interesting, my blog post from yesterday, titled “Chasing Waterfalls”, was about this exactly. As those of us in recovery would say, we live one day at a time. The past is gone. The future is completely unknown and not promised. The “present” is a gift. Be “present” to the love of God for you in the “present” moment….
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Reblogged this on Dream Big, Dream Often.
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Just found your blog, love this post, I know the feeling all too well. 💛
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Thank you for reading 🙂
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I’ve learnt in life that everyone has a past, good and bad but it’s that past that’s made them who they are today. You may not like where you’ve been but it’s what’s got you where you are now X
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I think the key is to accept that all of these experiences happened and are over but were all part of a bigger learning curve. Every uneven step is just another pointer towards the right way to go. You can’t change any of these experiences, they’re done. Try to just adapt them into memories that are easy to return to. You seem really nice to me so everything has happened for get you where you are today.
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I can relate to this! I think the feeling of guilt goes with age. I was like that few years back, and now I am 30 years old and enjoying every little detail about me 😁! Give yourself some credits, experiences in the past makes us who we are now. So, live the good and the bad memories because we are all humans and humans are not perfect 😉
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I’ve enjoyed all these comments 🙂
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I completely connect with this. The past has had so many struggles for me. But I don’t think we ever get over the past. We just learn to accept. Move on. And build from it. That’s why you are you today.
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