Stop Denying Your Relationship

It’s not uncommon to come across cheating in college. Everyone knows the drama: he’s been cheating on her for years. She knows but ignores it. They both cheat on each other and never confront it. It only strengthens the stereotype of the hookup culture and makes everyone questions how relationships work in college.

When you’re in a relationship, it’s because you made the decision to commit yourself to someone. You love to spend your time with them, you don’t get tired of them, you don’t feel your eyes wandering or the need to really be with anyone else. You have a boyfriend or girlfriend, you have a person, someone who cares about you just as much as you care about them and would do anything for you.

If you find yourself often denying your relationship – you might have a problem.  Consistently telling people you are single, or not dating anyone, or “no, I don’t have a girlfriend – why would you ask me that?” means there is an underlying issue to your relationship.  The problem either is your relationship isn’t meant to be or the problem is you.

You can give it any other label than “relationship”. You can say it’s not official, or you’re just talking, or just hooking up. But it’s a relationship no matter which way you spin it – you’re probably just too selfish to admit it.

It’s not okay to deny your relationship. It’s definitely not okay to be asking other girls to come over at 3 am, or ask them out on dates, or text them constantly while asking to hang out a million times a day. You’re not slick, you’re not sly, and it’s not cool that you think you can get away with dating more than one person at a time when you’ve made a commitment to someone.

If you’re very happy in your relationship when your significant other is around, then you need to stop denying your relationship and give it a real shot. Stop telling other people you’re single and stop asking them to come over while insinuating a hook up.

You’re just too selfish to let go of your single self. If that’s the case, you shouldn’t be hurting other people in the process. Especially someone you cared enough about to call your girlfriend or boyfriend. And you’re probably letting a good thing go by being that selfish.

9 thoughts on “Stop Denying Your Relationship

    1. If you’re in a relationship, then I think you’re 100% in it. I disagree with you, though. I think one night stands are fine and the hookup culture has its benefits so I don’t believe we need to move past it. Just stick with our decisions once we make them.

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  1. Well put. Thank you for sharing. I never understood the mental state or desire of dating multiple people at once. You aren’t giving any one of them your 100% so of course, none of them will fulfill your relationship needs 100%. Perhaps I am missing something?

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  2. I think a relationship is ok to deny in very specific circumstances. For example, two people have been hooking up exclusively for several months but both still occasionally go out on dates and both really bristle at the idea of being in a relationship. If a gender is placed before the word “friend”, they will both set you straight hard and fast. They acknowledge being friends, but friendship doesn’t have gender and by adding that you’re making it more than either wants it to be, even though to others it may appear to be that kind of relationship.

    The two people in it are the only ones who can determine if there’s denial happening. No one else.

    I have also seen people get hurt not because the other person is running around on them or any such thing, although that is happening. But because two people got into a situation that they defined in advance – in many cases a friends with benefits sort of thing, but in a few, fly by night kinda of things. And the one person is doing what they agreed to, and the other person simply caught feelings. They then unanimously decided that they were a couple without even mentioning it to the other because their situation lasted longer than some predetermined and unspoken amount of time. Then they get all jealous and hurt because the other person didn’t have the same reaction. It’s a horrible spot to be in, but it doesn’t really have to do with the person hitting up other people – it has to do with unrealistic expectations that crop up uninvited and unexpected.

    Also, I must also state that being in a relationship isn’t necessarily what everyone wants. Some have tried it and found it not for them. For them, other arrangements are necessary, and they have a right to go out and find it. The other person doesn’t have a right to change the game part way through without a conversation.

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