Everyone Settles In Some Way

Categories Relationships, , , , , , , , , , , , , , 37 Comments on Everyone Settles In Some Way

There are different ways that you can settle. You can settle for a job that you might feel uncomfortable with. You can settle for an apartment that you just feel “eh” about. You can settle for a relationship.

I experienced one relationship that really made me terrified of settling. And after college I saw a lot of people graduate with me who just clung on to the first girl/guy they saw and made it into a relationship. It was a good time to settle down, so they just stayed content with whoever they were with at the time.

I’m not sure that there’s anything wrong with that. You could easily settle for someone and live a happy life. Because  I think eventually, everyone technically settles.

You could fall in love with anyone if you really tried. In most cases, you could make any relationship work if both parties are willing to put in the work. You don’t have to be in fireworks, fairytale love to have a decent marriage and future life.

For the people who have never thought about it as settling, it’s easy to fall in a pattern and get comfortable with someone and spend your life with them.

For the people who are painfully aware of what settling is, they question everything. What if I find a better job? What if a better apartment opens up next week? What if I’m just making this person work for me because they’re here and I’m ready?

Are relationships just based off timing? Do we all settle in some way because were ready to fall in love and someone is there to fall in love with? I really think that all of that is true, that there is more than one soul mate for you on this earth, that you could truly make anyone your soul mate if you both tried hard enough. If you are both willing to settle.

37 thoughts on “Everyone Settles In Some Way”

  1. I prefer to use the term “compromise”, I think. “Settle” sounds so negative to me. I think there is always a compromise in situations, regardless of what they might be, because as human beings we are not capable of everything and all things at all moments all of the time. We have to have trade-offs in life, and I think those trade-offs are relevant, because we have to be able to accept them as such.

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      1. Oh, I do believe there are “dealbreakers”, but my point should be expanded beyond the confines of a single relationship. My point is that you have to find the compromise that you can accept. What you are unwilling to accept in a relationship, means you might compromise the relationship. There is always a trade-off.

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  3. I live in a world of “what-ifs” like you said, and am always waiting for something better. That’s why I hate making choices.

    However, sometimes failing to grab hold of something for fear that something better might come along, can lead you to miss out on a lot. There’s different ways to look at it!

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  4. I settled once. It was a terrible mistake. I need that feeling of being destined for someone to have a successful relationship. Without it, is hard for me to put in the effort required to maintain it, and of course, not near as fun. Fortunately, I haven’t settled since and have still managed to be happy.

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      1. If Hannah hadn’t died, it would have worked out. My current relationship is just as, if not more powerful and I think it could work great too.

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      3. No, they definitely are not the same, but after a while, you can start to get a god sense of who has what you want and who doesn’t.

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  6. I had a sibling who settled on her husband with her thought being “this is what I’m supposed to be doing and I might not find anyone else.” However, a few years following her husband decided he wanted a divorce and didn’t want to even try to work it out. If both parties know that relationships are hard work and are willing to make that commitment then yes it can work. If its a one sided deal where one person just giving and isn’t receiving than no. I think all relationships are hard work and there has to be an equal balance of feelings whether that be both parties are lazy, kind of into each other or head over heels for one another.

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  7. I have a guess this Blog Post is a real thought provoker for many readers, my Grandparents both grew up in the same small village and knew of each other from youngsters, they married reached their Golden Wedding together, now exactly the same can be said of my other two Grandparents, tiny village, small population, Diamond Wedding. Now to my point 🙂 what are the odds of someone finding their soulmate in a village of not many people? Two occasions? Aren’t the odds of that happening phenomenal? Both sets were devoted couples and I have a guess both compromised, became comfortable together, grew in affection, did they settle? From a small child I could see there was deep friendship, soulmates? :/ I should have asked shouldn’t I!

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    1. Yes! Your grandparent’s relationship is exactly the kind I thought of when I wrote this. I would technically say that your grandparents settled, but it worked out for them! Because if they weren’t in that village together, they never would’ve ended up together. They would have found another soulmate to settle for. We all do, eventually.

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      1. Yes I must admit I’ve always had the feeling they were good friends, great friends 🙂 MAYBE that comes from growing up together as children? My Parents reached 50 years, they’re great friends but God lol they had some BIG fights when we were kids. How’s about my mother throwing a food mixer at my father’s head for starters!!!
        Great Post 🙂

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      1. I think that’s why a lot of our fellow bloggers felt compelled to respond with their own personal views. It affects us all. Nonetheless, it is fact. Life is a bunch of forks in the road. Left and Right. Right might not be perfect but it’s convenient. Left may be what we want, but it’s not attainable due to our circumstances or resources. What to do? Whether you say settle or compromise or “it’s just in the mean time”, we have to choose one or the other – no getting around that.

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  10. To me the “settling” comes into play when you’re in a “good enough” relationships with someone who checks off all the boxes but there is some kind of obvious red flag you ignore. (The person is abusive, uninterested in commitment, permanently unemployed, explosive temper, spends excessively when they don’t have the money etc.) the day you decide to accept this obvious red flag behavior and determine the relationship is good enough is the day you settle.

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    1. that’s actually really reassuring to me, because I always thought that settling is having a good enough relationship without any red flags. But you’re right, you have to be accepting some sort of behavior you don’t like to be truly settling for someone who might not be “the one”

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  11. Pingback: How To Know You’re Not Settling – Hookup Culture
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  14. Please don’t confuse taking a temporary shitty job with settling on an unfulfilling career. Please don’t confuse the reality that relationships take hard work with settling on a life partner. You seem like a lovely person, would you feel good about someone “settling” for you?

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  15. At first I think me and my bloke settled for each other because we were lonely, then we didn’t like the thought of them leaving us for another and not seeing them again, now ten years on, we can’t really imagine life without each other. We are basically the Male and female equivalent of each other! Wonderful and annoying in equal measure! I think we’ve CHOSEN to compromise in our behaviour, necessarily to be kinder and more understanding, less feisty, rather than ‘settled’. I’m sure many couples who feel they have to get married for various societal reasons, end up learning to settle. I’m glad we never got pressured to do that.

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    1. Thank you so much for this perspective! This is definitely how me and my boyfriend are and kind of what I was trying to convey here. We work to make it work because we’ve chosen each other – it just sometimes feels like settling because I feel too young to be this rooted in life

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      1. No probs! This is how my Ma felt apparently, like she was happy but it all happened when she was young and was very soon and there she was with a husband, mortgage and a kid! Not that she wasn’t happy with who she was with. More suddenly ‘settled down’ rather than having to settle I guess!?

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  16. Settling has several meanings, reflecting our different approaches to life. I like that I am settled, comfortable with my life as it is and not hankering for something different. Being settled makes it easier to have adventures! My advanced age may be relevant here.

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