I was listening to a podcast recently (pretty sure it was Terrible, Thanks for Asking) that started talking about how men and women confront problems differently. It struck a chord with me because my boyfriend and I approach stress in 100% different ways – it often causes our little tiffs into bigger fights because of misunderstanding.
On the podcast, one of the narrators said women express emotions, men find solutions.
When I’m upset and frustrated I say I’m upset and frustrated. Those are my emotions and I have a hard time understanding anything except those emotions.
When my boyfriend hears that I’m upset and frustrated, he starts problem-solving. The exact opposite of what I want in this situation because I’m not really processing or ready to process anything but my emotions at this point.
I get upset and I get quiet. He gets upset and he starts talking without coming up for air. We have completely different dynamics to how we approach these things. And on one hand, it’s great because not everyone thinks the same way you do and we should all attempt to understand people who are different than us. On the other hand, it’s terrible because we’re already in an emotionally charged situation and then we go on to react completely differently from one another.
It’s definitely something that will come with time, patience, and understanding. We are all different and sometimes need to force ourselves out of our bubbles for some new perspective.
Rosie Culture 
I don’t think a truer observation has ever been made.
I’ll add to it that I think often times guys don’t understand their own emotions, let alone those of others. I think it has a lot to do with how boys and girls are raised when they are young. But I don’t know, I’m kind of an odd duck in some respects too – everyone is different, obviously, but there is some sense in trying to understand someone’s point of view on something.
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That’s true! boys are often taught that emotions are “girly” so I’m sure that affects them later in life
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I was taught that…I was girly anyways…lol. Probably more so now.
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A lot of times, I express the emotion before working on the solution. In fact, I often have to tell myself: “Stop raging and start thinking.”
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On the one hand, (I have to say): “You crack me up!” On the other, “Welcome to the world of relationships.”
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Hahah thanks for reading!
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My fiancé and I used to be in the same situation. We got stressed and angry and the smallest issue became a big fight because of all the emotions involved. So we found a solution, a riduculous one: when we find ourselves in that situation we say “popcorn”. It’s like our “safe word” and we say it now we both calm down, ask the other what’s happening and how they’re feeling and usually find a solution to the problem rapidly. Or at least, it doesn’t become a big fight like it used to!
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Ooooh love that advice I might just try it!
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That technique really turned how we discussed sensitive matters around. At first it’s hard but now, a year after, just hearing “popcorn” calms us both down immediately. ^_^
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I am a careful blend of emotion and solution.
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The best kind of personn
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I think things are different for everyone. I may be irritated or frustrated about a problem, but I immediately start thinking of solutions. My husband is the same way which is why we work well together.
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I’ve had to learn the same thing with my wife. Over the years we’ve learned to be each other’s crutch. I listen to her now, and she helps me solve my problems! 🙂
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Amazing! It’s definitely something that couples have to work at together
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