Loneliness can cause a lot of confusion. It’s not just being alone, but being happy sometimes and sad others, missing the feeling of someone laying beside you, of always having someone to turn to – it jumbles up your brain and heart to the point where clarity is a small speck in the distance.
It sounds petty, but we really do need attention. And in times when we lack it, we can become a little drastic in order to receive it.
You can be a happy person alone, but still have loneliness hit you from time to time. A lot of people resort back to their ex boyfriends or girlfriends during this time of vulnerability. Because they’re familiar, they might give you the brief attention you need, they once were something but now are nothing. You don’t necessarily miss them – you just need a little attention.
Or you start dating and talking to other people in order to get attention. Maybe a relationship is what you want. Maybe this time it’s not just temporary loneliness.
But how do you really know if you like someone when the loneliness is causing so much confusion? Do you really enjoy their company or are they just the first person to offer to take you out in a while? Do you really find them attractive or are they just calling you pretty and telling you what you want to hear?
Do you really like them or do you just like the attention?
It’s best to separate yourself from the loneliness if you’re truly thinking of dating someone – but it’s hard and you’re blinded. One way or another you’ll come to find if you really like the person or if you just needed the attention. It’s sad. It makes you seem as if you were using someone when you really just couldn’t separate the needs from the wants. But it’s always something to consider every time you start to flirt with someone new – consider your state of mind with every move you make to avoid hurting anyone. Be careful when you’re lonely and confused, you are not the only one who will feel the consequences of not thinking clearly.
Rosie Culture 
Okay, after reading this, I really do think I’m an attention whore.
I think I seek attention, even if it’s not healthy for me. I suppose I really need to reevaluate my thinking on the matter.
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I think I am one too if that helps lol honestly the lines get so blurred it becomes very hard to figure out if you like someone or if you just like the attention they give you
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Great post, because I think this probably happens to a lot of people!
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In my perspective –
One of the greatest confusions within humanity is the confusion of “Loneliness” with “Aloneness” & Aloneness with Loneliness.
Once I become aware of the difference and examine my mind with this different perspective of the difference between the two, rest will take its course of choice with much ease.
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What do you think is the difference between the two? I am very much okay with being alone, but from time to time get lonely so I feel that they go hand in hand
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When I answer Rosie’s question, it will just be a theoretical concept, a good read. However when Rosie is really interested in getting to know Rosie, Let Rosie become the fuel of Rosie’s Rosie to engulf her in the question that is that questioning the question.
Maybe in here a different Rosie will arise. For I believe self realization and Rosie’s own experience will be the strongest pillars of Rosie’s perception of her reality.
Furthermore in my perspective – Aloneness and loneliness are not opposites, when I know I feel so and so, that is only in reference to the other, a analysis of this reference of the other. Where there is analysis, the mind dwells in the memory. A memory of opposites, for the root of the opposite lies in its opposite and such mind may bobble back and forth between the opposites without knowing neither.
For example – I say light is the opposite of dark and vice versa, I say, I like light but not darkness. However, the liking here is only in reference to each other. If I look at the brightest of the bright light, what do I see (nothing), same applies to darkness. When I get to know one fully, completely, this reference may cease to exist in the perception of the mind perceiving this.
And maybe here, Rosie may discover something very different. Different from the dance of the opposites.
Thank you for letting me share 🙂
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Isn’t every relationship about attention ? Sometimes, we seek to get it, sometimes to give it. But more importantly, to make it work, you have to be attentive ! I think the question to be asked here is, can the attention last.
Sometimes, you get into a realtion for the attention, but later maybe you go beyond that and you find a lasting relationship. Sometimes it begins with something else, but a relationship ends due to the lack of attention.
I think love is the trickiest subject. Everytime you think you have got the answer, life goes and changes the question. 😛
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Every question is answered with another question when it comes to love. I think you really need to evaluate what kind of attention you’re looking for but also, like you said, be willing to be attentive. If you are just a lonely person seeking an attention and not a relationship – your attentiveness is probably not great
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Yes, completely true ! Like I said, it’s all about whether the attention lasts. Both people need to evaluate the situation and take steps to either rectify the situation or just move on to someone where it’ll last.
Also, loneliness has no cure. Sometimes people are lonely in a relationship too. It’s always about love, for yourself and for another. Unless one learns to love, there is no cure to loneliness.
Great post Rosie, Cheers 🙂
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It’s certainly a hard differentiation. In a slightly different thing, I was open to a relationship with my best friend (at the time). I queried it myself – do I want to go to the next level, or am I just thinking that’s what I want because we’re such good friends. I still don’t know what it was that turned the decision to it being a genuine desire on my part.
I still think it’s hard, even with attention, because people want different things from relationships in my experience. My opinion (and I’m better and having them than living by them) is that it’s usually worth testing the water, as long as you can be honest when the time comes.
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On one hand I would agree with you, but on the other sometimes by testing the water we’re leading people on and that just seems unfair.
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Oh, indeed, I agree. Each situation needs to be judged on its own merits and if it is just a case of getting what we need from someone else then it isn’t fair to keep that going. I don’t know, I’ve spent a while deleting, rewriting and deleting because I think how to explain! I guess I just wondered if them being able to provide something that you want, even if that’s a temporary relief from loneliness, could be a spark worth exploring. Maybe I just watch too many movies!
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hahah that would be ideal that something that started out as just a need for attention bloomed into a relationship – but it’s all very confusing and can’t be explained easily haha
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You’re asking all the right questions! ☺
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all of my questions are answered with questions though lol
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WHY – https://oneandnone.wordpress.com/2016/05/23/why/
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I am perfectly fine being alone. I enjoy my own company and don’t get lonely.
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I am perfectly fine being alone and also enjoy my own company, but I do get lonely sometimes.
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It’s good that you understand the difference. Many people don’t.
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Very nice title.. Thats the main question.
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It was never really the attention, as for my case – yeah i enjoy attention, when i get it, but for me it’s the feeling of belonging to somebody. That strong sentimental bound you share with somebody you truly love.
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That is an addicting feeling to me so it’s hard to know if it’s real or just a need for attention
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I wonder … what do you feel when your with a person you like? Or from who do you want attention? Always the same people?
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That is what I have yet to figure out, it’s been a while since I have been able to decipher the two due to a nasty break up
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I understand.
So you are confused. You have to spent some time with yourself (a weekend or so) to put things back together. You can take the time to really think things through and to find out your real feelings.
As for the nasty break up: I give you an electronic hug – hope it makes you feel better ^^
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Hahah I have spent plenty of time putting things back together, I’m hoping that when it’s right I won’t be confused
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Ah, so that’s how it is. Well then I wish you in all honesty good luck and I hope you find the stability you need.
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It is so hard to differentiate between the two. Sometimes when I’m confused as to which it is, I make a list of things I like about the person that has nothing to do with me ( like not “I like that he calls me beautiful” but “he’s really courteous to other people”) If I feel that I can name traits I like about them as a person, then I know I like them. If the things I like most about them are attention based (“he makes me feel good”) then I probably like the attention more. It’s not fool proof but it usually helps me gain more clarity.
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That’s a really good idea actually! Might have to steal it 🙂
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Ha,ha!
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I have to really assess this about myself because Ive grown up under the sensations of always have multiple male attention. Even when I had a boyfriend. I haven’t been single in 9 years so really coming to realization with this and not wanting to make a decision on dating because of wanting the attention! I must give the attention to myself first.
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Yes! It is honestly so important and I totally get that feeling because whenever I didn’t have a boyfriend I would still be seeking attention from someone. I had to really take a step back and look at myself and decide who I am, what I want, and what is good for me
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It funny that me and my bloke nee time to our selves but after two days away we are asking to see each other again because we are lonely! We have to say to each other, hang on another day because you will appreciate it and appreciate us when we are back together for days.
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Ahhh…there is so much wisdom in the questions you posed. Truly, they are rhetorical questions that can be answered combining the intentions of your heart with the intentions of your mind – the answers are in the commonalties that exist there.
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