Unintentional Asshole

Republished from 2015

No matter how much you want someone to change, the truth is they probably won’t ever change.  They won’t ever become the person you thought they had the potential to be, especially if they were content in their ways before they met you.

Whether it be a guy or a girl, some people will just inevitably hurt you without ever having the intention of doing so.  During your relationship, he or she warned you that dating is outside their usual norm and it probably isn’t going to end well.  But you’ve already fallen and you’re willing to fight for it.  And your Unintentional Asshole is willing to fight for it too! A fight against your nature can only last so long, though.

Your Unintentional Asshole is used to being alone.  This person goes where they want and does what they want whenever they want.  You wrangled them in for a brief relationship, but eventually they’re still going to go where they want and do what they want whenever they want to.  They are going to try and protect you from this end because, despite what you may think, this asshole truly does care about you.  This just doesn’t seem like the time or place for a commitment to them.

You may think they suck and are just going to end up alone and miserable forever.  You may be right.  This person is pushing people away and getting into relationships they know will end with the other person hating them.

But if you can relate to being an Unintentional Asshole, then only you know how hard you’re trying. Your significant other at the time doesn’t even know how grueling it is for you to try and be in a real relationship. Someone is trying to change you and you are honestly trying to change for them.  But something has happened in the past where you just don’t want to be in a relationship now and this leads to the Unintentional Asshole pushing people away.

It could be seen as self-sabotage, but we don’t push people away because we don’t want to be happy – who wouldn’t want to be happy? Your Unintentional Asshole cares about you, but won’t change for you. And in reality – did you ever really expect them to?