Finding Yourself Before Getting In A Relationship

I recently wrote about how in my current relationship I learned that you don’t need to be alone in order to grow. It was an idea I was obsessed with after my last break up.

And in part, it was true. From age 16-20 I was in a relationship that consumed my whole entire world. So after we broke up, I had no idea who I was as a single person. My hobbies were no longer our hobbies, I was no longer part of a “we”, I was no longer planning my future out around one person.

I was single for the next 3 years after that. I had some flings here and there, but didn’t want to fully get into a relationship. One reason was that I falsely believed that a relationship would hold me back. But another reason was I just didn’t know who I was anymore and I didn’t want to leech my personality off of the next guy I dated.

You take a little with you from every relationship. I started rooting for Italy in soccer because of my last relationship and I haven’t let go of that part of me. It’s fine to take things from your past and keep them as part of your personality. But it is really a shame when your relationship becomes your whole personality.

So my biggest advice for after a break up is to take some time alone, take some time to understand yourself as a person who is alone. It will help you so much in the long run. And you don’t have to do it for 3 years like me, but at least until you’re ready and comfortable with yourself.

13 thoughts on “Finding Yourself Before Getting In A Relationship

  1. I can totally relate. Life isn’t always rosey but as long as you live right and do right the rest just falls into place before you even know it you’re happy again. Be blessed Stay Striving Endure The Struggles of your Efforts

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I related to this in so many ways. I still believe that I was my best self when I was 16 and then I got into a relationship that I thought I was happy in. It was only when I was 18 I realized the relationship stripped me from myself and I lost sight of my goals and future because I was so focused on my partner and no longer focused on me.

    I left the relationship and literally swore I wouldn’t date until I found myself again. But then I got together my current boyfriend literally only 5 months later….

    Lol it’s been almost 2 years since we met and we’re still going strong. I think it was just the relationship and how I chose my priorities.

    I guess I would’ve have liked a longer people of healing before my current boyfriend? But I know that I am fine now and that I am so happy this happened instead.

    I guess there are just so many different ways to find yourself again and mine was by opening myself up again when I thought being alone was the answer.

    Great post.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. The best scenario is to know who you are before any relationship, but this is hard. The point is that each relation will change you a little bit. So, after that, it’s hard to know how to do some stuff alone. Hard, but not impossible 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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