I recently wrote about how in my current relationship I learned that you don’t need to be alone in order to grow. It was an idea I was obsessed with after my last break up.
And in part, it was true. From age 16-20 I was in a relationship that consumed my whole entire world. So after we broke up, I had no idea who I was as a single person. My hobbies were no longer our hobbies, I was no longer part of a “we”, I was no longer planning my future out around one person.
I was single for the next 3 years after that. I had some flings here and there, but didn’t want to fully get into a relationship. One reason was that I falsely believed that a relationship would hold me back. But another reason was I just didn’t know who I was anymore and I didn’t want to leech my personality off of the next guy I dated.
You take a little with you from every relationship. I started rooting for Italy in soccer because of my last relationship and I haven’t let go of that part of me. It’s fine to take things from your past and keep them as part of your personality. But it is really a shame when your relationship becomes your whole personality.
So my biggest advice for after a break up is to take some time alone, take some time to understand yourself as a person who is alone. It will help you so much in the long run. And you don’t have to do it for 3 years like me, but at least until you’re ready and comfortable with yourself.