My introduction to relationships didn’t exactly start off on the right foot. I know we learn a lot from our households growing up, and mine just wasn’t really ideal. I don’t remember much lovey-dovey stuff happening after I was a kid so for many of my formative years I didn’t really know a lot of parents who were married and actually showed that they liked each other.
Besides that, I also consumed a lot of books with I-would-die-for-you romance and often wondered why there was no Edward to my Bella or why I hadn’t yet met a handsome man who was also trained in fighting against aliens and we would have our meetcute when he saved me from an invasion.
Not the best circumstances to enter my first relationship in, all doe-eyed and ready for someone to sweep me off my feet and save me from the woes of high school. So I started to learn the hard way that love isn’t exactly like the books…especially not the fantasy books I was reading.
And when I learned what love wasn’t, I set out to find what it was by absolutely refusing to give anyone my heart and kind of just observe from the outside how they felt about me rather than how I felt about them.
As you can imagine, that’s not really the best way to experience love. But I did learn a lot, and I did let myself heal enough before taking on another relationship.
And honestly I didn’t really learn what relationships were supposed to be like until my current one. Because I required a lot of patience, I saw immediately that love is what you make it and how you make it work. Along with honest conversations with my friends about their relationships, I really began to see that a good relationship is one where you just love being with each other and you choose each other every single day. You don’t need to profess your undying love at every moment, there doesn’t need to be some great obstacles, there doesn’t need to be fireworks at every kiss – especially when you’re years into the the relationship.
A good relationship just is. Everyone used to say to me “when you know, you know” and I’m here to tell you that you don’t HAVE to know right now, but eventually there will come a time when you know it’s it or you know it’s not.
Rosie Culture 
I had no introduction to relationships in childhood or high school, my parents have stayed together but don’t act coupley at all, and what I learned about relationships in young adulthood was lacking for very different reasons than what you describe. Glad it all worked out.
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Same with the parents. I think I overcompensated in the beginning because of them, all I knew is I wanted the opposite of what they had.
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Hmm… I don’t really know that I knew any different, because I never really saw a healthy relationship or marriage up close. But I do feel like I at least learned some of what not to do.
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I admire you for sharing your vulnerability to how you experienced relationships.
I definitely can relate to you because my first relationship wasn’t what I thought it was either. It was my imagination convincing me that it was perfect.
It wasn’t until I left the relationship that I realized everyone about it was wrong.
I now know what kind of relationship I want and don’t want.
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Thank you 🙂 I had inklings throughout the relationship but really thought it was all perfect. It taught me so much for my relationship now and that’s so important for us!
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I have been feeling exactly the same these days, though my folks have always been happy with each other I still had no idea what love is….and now like you said “when you know you know” ahh…loved it, thank you! Please visit my blog and show some love if you like it. I am new here 🙂 ❤
I wish you and your current one a prosperous life ahead!
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