Guys deserve a lot of credit for making the first move. It’s just what is expected in society, that guys will approach a girl first. They’ll ask for their number and have to make the phone call. They ask her to dance or out on a date. It’s mostly all up to the guy to move something forward.
That takes a lot of guts. You are pushing all of your insecurities behind a mask to make a good impression on someone. And if they don’t like you? Was it your hair, did you smell, did you say the wrong thing? You’re putting your whole self esteem on the line. Girls can be too fragile to do something like that (unless we’re drunk) because we are constantly being shamed by society. I can’t even imagine all the thoughts and emotions that would flood a girl’s head after being rejected when making the first move. I’m sure guys experience a whole lot of emotions and thoughts too, so like I said, I give them credit.
I don’t know if that’s something we should take entirely personally. Sure, someone is making a snap judgement on you but there are so many variables that could be put into place. The person you’re hitting on could be in a relationship, they could be in a tough place in their life, they could forget you met, they could just not feel the vibes, or you’re not their type. There are so many reasons not to take rejection personally. Therefore, I think we should all put our hearts on the line a little more often.
As a girl, I have on many occasions bought someone a drink or told them they were cute to get them to come talk to me. Many of these times were promoted by liquid courage, but it’s something I would like to be able to accomplish sober. Why should it bother me that someone didn’t like me? I don’t like everyone I meet either. They say if you never try then you’ll never succeed – so give it a shot and make the first move.
Rosie Culture 
Having gotten older and had a few of those conversations when I woman told me that she liked me “back in the day”, I only wish they had told me at the time.
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Right! I’ve had some of those conversations before too
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I don’t know that I would call it guts when guys approach women. Many of them are just driven by hormones and their nether regions. If they actually like the girl, now that’s a different story.
As for me, I have approached guys I liked myself. I’ve never been rejected. I think the “trick” is to make a neutral proposal. People kid themselves believing they always know if they want to date someone based on a first impression, so I would strike up a conversation and then suggest that we keep in touch and hang out. Then, it became his turn to make the next move if he was interested and disappear if he was not. 10 for 10 they always got back to me.
I only ever responded positively to that approach from guys as well. The guys who came up and started a conversation about the book I was reading or the hiking trail etc got my attention. The ones who walked over at a bar to buy me a drink or tell me I was beautiful all got shunned.
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You’re right… but this has always been hard for me. In my childhood and teens, most of my expressions of liking someone were met with derision and mocking, so I learned early on that I had to keep it a secret if I liked someone and just hope for the best (which never worked out).
Then purity culture came along in my early 20s and taught that it was wrong to spend time one-on-one with a girl in the first place, that you were supposed to get to know a girl in a group setting, and that essentially your “first move” should be to start planning for marriage. I was a new Christian and thought that all Christians were like that, but then I saw that they weren’t, and some were completely hypocritical about that, saying that they believed all that but throwing it out the window once someone came along. I still had no idea of what to do or how to pursue a relationship
And even today, I’m still trapped by a lot of those old thought patterns, and my few attempts to make the first move usually come out awkward in a way that I feel like I just make things worse. I’m a little more comfortable making a move when the girl is being very blatantly obvious that she’s interested in me, but that has only happened a few times. So I don’t really know where I’m going with this, except to reiterate that I’m pretty messed up…
(Also, this week’s blog post, which will post tomorrow [Sunday] morning, would fit in this category.)
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I agree and disagree. Because sometimes guys start thinking we owe them for the effort when we’re minding our business and want to be left alone. Kudos to them for having the balls, but honestly, sometimes I wish they’d just leave us the hell alone. 😂
That said, if I like someone, I have no problem making the first move. Maybe because I expect no kudos for it, I don’t see why I should give it.
Women’s refusal to make the first move is largely tied to traditional ideals of purity and modesty. I’m not a traditional woman. I do as a I please! 😂
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Much like you I was confident enough when drunk but otherwise insecure.
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