You Can’t Have It Both Ways

I’m not really a forgive and forget kind of person. More specifically, I have a hard time forgetting. As an overthinker, the things I do and the things other people do to me really stick with me. And if someone hurts me, it stays with me for years and years.

I’ve encountered a certain type of person a few times in my life who thought that they could have things both ways. Who thought they could have outbursts, be rude, mean, or unkind, but still come back to me as a friend, boyfriend, or loved one.

No matter the circumstance, at least for me, you can’t have it both ways.

You can’t be rude to me one day and then nice to me the next and expect it all to be forgiven under the guise of friendship or love. You may not have reacted in the way that you wanted to by having an outburst, but the repeated behavior says differently. And you just can’t expect for things to go unnoticed, especially without an apology.

I don’t think it’s fair for people to unload on to others and then chalk it up to a bad day. I don’t think it’s fair for small problems to become big problems just because that’s the way you’re feeling. Your actions and your words will always carry much more weight than you are aware of. And you can’t just turn around and pretend those things didn’t happen.

Life doesn’t just go back to normal for the person you were unkind to. Those words and actions stick with them, so why should you be able to roll them off your back so easily?

8 thoughts on “You Can’t Have It Both Ways

  1. Im also an overthinker. I treasure the good things that ppl have done to me, even if it is just a small action, but some how even a small thing can also hurt me. I used to agree with what you wrote. But then, At the moment, i realize that ppl are different. Maybe it easier for us to not stick with the idea of not letting it go. Maybe we just need to accept the fact that ppl are not perfect and maybe it is better to understand those differences.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. I struggle with this too – I’m often quick to forgive but have a hard time forgetting. Also, this brings to mind a phrase that I learned after dealing with some toxic dynamics that a person’s situation or problems can *explain* their behavior but it doesn’t *excuse* their behavior!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I agree that we should hold people responsible for their actions. I tend to think that forgiveness is for you – not for the other person. You can hold them responsible but also forgive them. If they have broken your trust in a big way then let them go. But I still think forging them is important – for your own peace of mind not theirs.

    Liked by 1 person

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