Yes, It’s True, I Don’t Want Kids

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When I say I don’t want kids, everyone says: “you’ll change your mind!” or “you’re still young!” or “are you sure?”

Yes, I’m sure.

It’s one of the first things I told my fiancé when we first started dating and reminded him of almost monthly to make sure he was okay with it too. Because I won’t change my mind, I really don’t want them.

If I’m being honest, it’s mostly because I’m selfish. I value my time, my sleep, my freedom, and the money I make to spend on my lifestyle. I know kids are great, I have nieces and a nephew who I love to spend time with and spoil, but I don’t have to dedicate my whole life to them. And I don’t want to do that with kids of my own.

Even adopting dogs has been a lot more responsibility than I had imagined for myself. I always vowed to never get a puppy because of the time and effort it takes.

Maybe (and this is a big MAYBE), when I’m 20 years older and feeling like my youth is spent, I would look into fostering or adopting. But that’s way down the road and not something I really need to put a lot of weight into right now.

I’m young and everyone expects women to have kids by their early thirties. For me, that’s just a few years away and a big N O. There’s so many things I want to do in my thirties. But I definitely don’t want kids.

They say my generation is opting out of having kids. If you do want them – that’s great! If you don’t – that’s also great! Make sure you have a plan for your future, that you discuss feelings with your significant other, and know that things can change. But always stick to your instincts. My generation has a lot of reasons to not have kids. We’re in debt. We haven’t even settled at a stable job yet. We can’t afford to buy a house. But the only reason I really need is that I just don’t want them.

*This is an old blog of mine that has been updated

57 thoughts on “Yes, It’s True, I Don’t Want Kids”

  2. I’m still on the fence. With my ex, it wasn’t a question: we were going to have kids (thank God that didn’t happen!), but now, my fiance shows no interest and I, like you, have plans of traveling and spoiling myself with the hard-earned money I make. Maybe in 10 years time, I will grow out of being so selfish, but it’s okay if I don’t too!

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  4. I’m not sure if I want kids, and everyone keeps telling me that I’ll change my mind. Granted, I’m 24, incredibly single, and still live at home, but I’m just not to keen on kids. I can see myself with a million dogs and cats, but kids, not sure. I don’t know what I want to do with my life, and I’m not sure if kids will hinder some things I want to do (not sure if that sounds really bad or not). But thanks for sharing this. It’s nice to know I’m not the only female who feels this way.

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    1. It doesn’t sound bad! Kids are serious work and require you to give up a big part of your life – if you want them, it won’t feel like giving anything up, but if you don’t you’re really sacrificing a lot. I’m 25 and almost in the same boat as you, maybe in like 10 years I can reevaluate but I don’t even know if I want a long term commitment like marriage let alone kids lol

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  5. Stand strong in it! People are learning to respect singles as well as families without kids more – which is the same as saying, they’re learning to be less judgmental about such things. Do what feels right to you. Having a kid is a ridiculous amount of responsibility. Why should culture, family, or friends pressure people into doing things that aren’t right for them?! Know what you want and live it out!

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  7. I remember the first time I heard that not having kids was even an option. I suddenly felt like I had all the time in the world to do what i wanted. After helping take care of five siblings (from both sides of my parents; they split and had my siblings with other people), I’m totally done with sippy cups, potty training, tantrums, dropping them off and picking them up, and now as teens the back talk and attitude. If having a kid was a 2 year commitment, hmm, maybe I’d instill some wisdom and I think 4-5 year olds are pretty cute, but there’s no way I could handle that commitment forever.

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  8. Times have changed. I think if you have kids when you don’t want to, everyone loses. You and the kids. I’m sure 1,000’s of women didn’t want kids in the 60/70/80’s but it was not the norm.

    Always keep your options open like you said. There are more ways to have kids than giving birth. ❤️

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  13. Girl, yes! I’m on the fence, slightly leaning toward no, but my thing is, if i do decide to, it’s going to be because I want to, not because I feel like I have to or because that’s what’s “supposed to” come next.

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  15. People can be extremely annoying and rude about this.
    I also don’t want to have kids. Ever. When I imagine my future it’s just not something that I see. It’s a valid decision for anyone to make and it’s so aggrevating when people tell me “you’ll change your mind”.
    Luckly my boyfriend doesn’t fancy kids either. However, we’ve been together for quite a few years now, so I’ve often been asked whether we are alreay planning…

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    1. Yesss it’s so annoying. Everyone just assumes you’re going to have them, I can’t count the amount of times someone has said “just wait until you have kids” to me like I don’t have to wait cause I’m not having them 🤷🏻‍♀️

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  17. I’d like kids when I’m older but I’m 24 and still feel really young. 24 IS young. So I was shocked when a few months ago my mum (who is really liberal and cool) started asking when I was going to have babies since ‘I’d been with Sean for years, surely it’s time?’ Grr, patience woman!

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  21. I never wanted kids growing up.
    And then somewhere along the way, I think after a bulk of my friends started having kids I was like “yeah maybe.” And then somewhere a little further along I was like “I’m gonna have THREE!” I don’t know what possessed me at that point! 💁‍♀️

    But fate decided that I would have one. And I’m gonna be that person who says “you don’t know love until you’ve had a child” because it’s true. Least for me. That said, we are ONE AND DONE. I seriously don’t know how people have more than 1! Like there is still a selfish part of me that’s like “I already have one kid taking away from my Uggs and vacation funds, I’m not adding another.” Occasionly I do get baby fever & I entertain the idea of another but then I remember how LONG that first year was and how long potty training took and I’m like nah 💁‍♀️ we’re on the road of basic care freedom. No thanks.

    But yes the pressure to have kids- plural, and young in unreal. It’s almost like having 1 kid is a theft and no kids is like murder. Let people live how they want to live. Believe me, I envy my single kid-less friends regularly for being able to go out and just do whatever. So from the other side… ENJOY IT. FOR AS LONG AS POSSIBLE. There are so many things I’ve had to postpone doing because I have a kid who takes priority.

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  22. You’re absolutely right! It’s your decision to have kids or not and I have the same disposition. I didn’t want kids in my twenties and now that I’m in my thirties I know I made the right decision. You’re not selfish for wanting to enjoy your youth. That’s normal. It’s terrible how we as women have such pressure to have 2-4 kids by the age of 35. In the mean time our youth, energy and bodies are never the same. I do believe that having children is a blessing from God, however raising children in this wicked world is challenging. Like you said, it’s important to have a plan and to communicate with your significant other. Proverbs 21:5 says, “The plans of the diligent surely lead to success,But all who are hasty surely head for poverty.” I commend you for taking a mature stance based on your circumstances. The pressure to conform to societal norms will only grow as you get closer to 30 and beyond.

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    1. Thank you! It’s so nice to hear from someone who felt the same as me and never regretted it. I feel like the pressure is insane now but everyone says it just gets worse!

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  26. Consider this a follow up from my previous comment… 😉

    … And not to mention the current affair of the world in which you would be bringing a child into! Horrendous climate change, uber political corruption, a rampant virus, national/global debt… you think it’s selfish to chose not to have a child because you value your time, money, and freedom. Imagine bringing life into this hell pit and subjecting them to a lifetime of depression and anxiety because that was the ‘next step in life’; that sounds pretty selfish to me.

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  27. Thank you for sharing this! I wish more women had the guts to say ‘no thank you’ to kids. Oftentimes women are defined by motherhood and deviating from the norm is almost seen as madness or a waste of a womb. Women are much more than that. And for the sake of the kids as well, I’d much rather women stand our ground and not have kids, than birth kids that grow up unwanted, unloved and abused. Not everyone should be a parent, not everyone wants to be one and that’s okay. I myself am a mom wouldn’t change it for the world but I’ve seen too many women pressured into motherhood only to end up resenting their life and the child.

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  29. I decided I was not the maternal type at 6. I have never waivers once in the next 36 years. But I will tell you this: you are young. Very young. You have about 9,000 more “but it will be different”, “are you sure?” And “you’ll change your mind” statements left before it blissfully just stops. They get tired of “convincing” you. Unfortunately it’s long after you’re tired of hearing it. But it will happen. And maybe, someday you will change your mind. Not about babies unless you want to, but about feeling like you’re going to scream every time you hear it. Maybe one day you’ll change your mind and just think quietly in your head “yes, I have changed my mind. I want three hundred kids right now and I can’t wait another moment! But if I say that she’ll have a heart attack, so I’ll sit here and be sarcastic in my head until she finds a new topic”.

    People don’t understand the idea of choosing what you want. They got married and had babies. Of COURSE you want that too. You’re limiting yourself. For me, having those children would have limited my freedom, my sanity, and would have been horrible for them. It would have been selfish of me TO have them.

    You do you. Keep doing you. And if you change your mind someday, you’ll be a great mother. If you don’t, you’ll be a great non-mother. All that matters is that you loved your life your way and you are happy

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  30. I’ve always wanted kids because I was so lonely growing up. I wanted to experience what having a bigger family was life. Indeed, kids are lot of work but our youth fades fast and we get slower as we age. We will eventually grow old and having children in our lives can be rewarding.

    Also, I like things that last a lifetime. Like kids and marriage for example. I’m okay with settling down even if it means that I’m boring. Traveling isn’t a high priority for me (as I write this I just got off a plane, heading home….) trying to juggle luggage and kids is quite the challenge! Another reason I’m grateful for my husband 😂

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  31. When you move out of state and travel the world… Put Kenya on your list… Because I have been having kids conversation a lot lately and I still don’t get why I need to have them. Oh I came online to read your post… I missed your travel pieces a lot 😃😃😃

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  32. Before I got married, I was 💯 clear to my now ex-husband that I didn’t want kids. In fact, I told him that on the first date and continued to remind him, like you did. Somehow, once we got married, he got it into his head that be could change my mind. His family had a lot of mental health problems. I mean even his dad had a psychotic break, so this wasn’t two distant cousins, ten times removed. When I pointed that out, he actually looked at me with a straight face and said, “The trick is to have three kids, because the middle child is usually okay.” He was dead serious. I’m so glad I got out.

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  33. Apparently I sneezed wrong and now I have four kids. Honestly, I believe that it’s the type of household I was raised in as well. Both of my parents are older (Dad is 79 and mom is 56, and I’m 25). I believe children are amazing and hearing how my father spoke about his childhood, I also want the same.

    Hari and I have kids of our own. We share a lot in common as mothers, and it’s pretty rough being young and having children. Many people expect you to take advantage of how young you are to push out kids. Then, if you’re young AND have kids, the older ones throw the pity card (good thing you started early, I want kids but I’m too old… Yeah, I hate that).

    I enjoyed your post. Every woman has the right to choose their own lifestyle. It sucks that some moms insult women who choose similar lifestyles like yours or can’t have children at all (or cute baby coyote bait chickens in the backyard).

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