Choosing Love

I think we all experience love differently. I see it every day, there is no one way to love someone. And I’m not just talking about family love vs. friends love vs. marriage love – I’m saying that every relationship and every person who is in love does it differently.

My first big love was one of those fairytale ones, at least I felt that way at the time. We pictured marriage and babies and a happily ever after. It felt like we were going against all odds to be with each other – a true Romeo and Juliet. But it really didn’t work out and I thought that I would never feel like that again. That I would never be in love again.

And I don’t really believe in that kind of love anymore, but it’s because I’ve grown and changed so much from that moment of time. It’s just not the way I love anymore.

I have friends who still feel that way. And they talk about their parents who still treat each other like they’re on their honeymoon. It’s sweet to hear, but at the same time it used to make me feel worried because that’s not how I felt in my relationship. I don’t feel this dying urge to be married or have that forever and always feeling about love that some of my friends do. They still have those fairytale notions, and I don’t.

Instead, I choose love. I choose who I love and I choose them every day. It’s always a battle for me because I’ve been through heartbreak and I’ve seen some not-great relationships.

But it’s okay if that’s the way I love, mostly because my boyfriend accepts it. He understands it. He may feel a fairytale love for me, but it’s more of a decision on my end and that’s okay. Because I couldn’t just decide to love anybody, to live a life with just any stranger, to wake up to the same person day in and out and go through our ups and downs together. I chose him and we’re making it work.

Everyone loves in different ways and I think it can be very discouraging to expect everyone to get behind love at first sight or my one and only. We’re all different, we all process emotions differently, and at the end of that day it’s just what makes you happy that counts.

13 thoughts on “Choosing Love

  1. As someone who had her own epic fairytale love and lost it, it’s really nice to see (and get some comfort and hope in) that just because I won’t feel that same fairytale love, I’m still capable of happiness in the future.

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  2. I think love is what you make it. I always talk about “the glue” in a relationship. You can feel something for someone, but if they and you are not keeping up with the glue, it won’t be a very healthy relationship. To be honest, as an empath, I can feel love in a relationship. There are levels and strengths. Sometimes those vary based on when I around that couple. I have felt couples fall out of love. I have felt someone fall in love with someone. It’s a thing. This joining of two people that is beyond them and beyond cognitive choice. I feel like the behavior is the choice. The feelings…well, the feelings work from there. Love your post and you honest feelings about love.

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  3. A great thing to do is the love language quiz online. It’s a concept that we all give and experience love differently and it helps you understand your own, and your partners love language. It’s been a game changer in helping me understand some things my OH does and doesn’t do! Can sound a bit odd, but it’s worth looking at! It’s like letting you know what the “glue” is in your relationship!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I agree. My first love also felt like a fairytale in some ways with butterfly feelings and it for the most part felt like such an exciting ride even through ups and downs, but that relationship ended. I am no married (not to that same guy) and I feel that I do love him differently. For me personally it feels more like a realistic and down to earth kind of love.

    Liked by 1 person

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