It’s no secret that I’ve been hesitant when it comes to relationships. After getting hurt by my first big love, I was really unsure how to move forward. When you think someone is “the one” and they turn out to totally be the worst – you start to question your judgment for a little.
So for a long time I decided that getting married would just probably never be right for me. At one point in my life I saw that for myself, and then after that break up I just didn’t.
Even when I first start dating Matt, it just didn’t really seem like something I’d want. I’d ask married people around me things like aren’t you afraid to be stuck with one person forever? How did you know you wanted to marry them?
And they said when you know, you know.
But that’s very discouraging because I DIDN’T KNOW. It took 5 years, 3 of which living together, a move out of state, a dog adoption, getting laid off, living through a pandemic together for me to be like okay, yea, now I know.
And what do I mean by “know”? Is it a feeling you have, a decision you make together?
If you’re like me, scared and scarred from past relationships, you’re just not going to know right away. And that’s totally fine, there’s no need to rush the rest of your life. But if you’re also like me, it’ll almost be like a lightbulb in your relationship. One day I just felt like everything was right, that I wanted to choose to love this person for the rest of my life because we have such a special relationship.
I’ve seen a lot of people say that if you’re questioning it, it’s probably not right for you. But I completely disagree. There’s no shame in thinking about something or questioning something that’s going to be a part of you for the rest of your life.
My best advice is that your intuition is probably better than you even know. Things take time, just listen to yourself and when things don’t feel right they’re probably not right. And if you’re still questioning, then give it some more time. Everyone’s relationships are SO different it doesn’t even make sense to try and compare. Some build Rome in a day and it works out for them, but if you’re like me and decided to take the long road, then just know that’s your path and it’s not wrong.
Rosie Culture 
This might be weird for me to write, but I kind of view marriage the same way I view virginity. We’re told growing up (or at least I was while attending school that teaches an abstinence only sex ed curriculum) that your virginity is sacred and if you give it away to just anyone then you will be forever tarnished–I say keep your archaic evangelicalism to yourself, thank you.
We’re also taught that marriage *ideally* is between a man and a woman and is forever. Period. But when governments started passing laws and basing things like taxes and insurance on marriage status, that’s when marriage became a legal process. I like to think my marriage will last forever just like most people, but divorce exists for a reason and people in marriages should not look at it as not an option or a personal failure. I believe that kind of thinking just leads to ongoing/prolonging unhealthy marriages.
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Sooo true! I feel like there’s always that little devil on everyone’s shoulder that’s like if you get married you’re STUCK FOREVER. But it’s not true, it’s a serious decision but divorce is a thing and it’s okay if your marriage doesn’t last forever.
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I’m over 40 and never been married. Sometimes I get asked, “Don’t you ever plan to get married and have children?” as if it’s inconceivable that I never have. I’m open to it of course, but if it never happens, I think I’ll be just fine.
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Ugh hate that people ask that!! We all have our own paths
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💕👍
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i’ve always seen myself getting married but i don’t like how society makes it something we must all do! i’d rather be alone than with the wrong person. i’m engaged now but we dated 7 years and lived together for like a 1 and a half. i knew i would probably marry him – but we weren’t in a rush.
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Definitely how I felt too! The rush and the pressure made me think at one point I didn’t want it at all but we did it in our own time
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So true. Being married shouldn’t be purely out of convenience but also shouldn’t be something you rush into. It’s a big choice to make and if you think you are ready for that part of your life then you should go through it happily, but if you have regrets you always have more time to think about it. Children should not be an obstacle, parents should not either. It’s not about anyone else. Your parents will be ok, your children will be ok. They won’t be ok if you are not happy in your marriage.
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i wish you a happy new year
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I’ve never been in a relationship 😂 but I do completely understand what you’re saying! And honestly, I think questioning anything isn’t necessarily a bad thing! It’s a way of providing clarity and certainty in the relationship! Great post Rosie ☺️
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