This may be a weird thing to admit, but when I was younger I always had a hard time picturing my future. Like I never thought I’d make it this far. Maybe I’d die young and leave a bittersweet memory, maybe I’d just vanish.
But here I am, about to be 29 years old, with no signs of stopping.
Most kids I knew in high school had a plan. And it looks like a lot of them are sticking to that plan. They wanted to go to college, they wanted to get a good job and get married and have kids and live happily ever after.
I didn’t really want to go to college. It was just something I felt I had to do. I didn’t really care if I got a good job and up until I got in a relationship, I didn’t want a family and kids (and now, I don’t want a family and kids again).
I’m terrified of getting old, I just don’t feel ready for it. Sometimes I sit and think about how my parents must feel looking at me and my sisters now, all grown up, and wondering where the time went. I feel that way just looking back at college. Where did the time go? Where did the freedom go?
I see tiny aspects of age in my life now, wear on my face and a struggle to lose weight. Stress every day. And can’t imagine what I’m going to look like in 10 years, how I’m going to feel. I don’t even know how I got to where I am now and I don’t know what the future looks like at all.
I still have the high school outlook, I’m just doing things because I’m supposed to be doing them. Then you get old. Then you die.
I wish I had more of an idea of what the future holds. As on overthinker, I know I worry far too much about it. But it’s just always something that’s in the back of my mind, especially when my birthday nears!