Losing Who You Are

I just purged my closet. I gathered up at least 50% of the clothes I had and donated them. It seems a little drastic, but it needed to be done. I just don’t feel like myself anymore, I don’t even know who that person is.

I’ve gotten so caught up in so many webs. I’m tied to the version of myself that works a 9-5 job, the version of myself that is a friendly blogger, the version of myself that is a punk pop dork, the version of myself that kind of hates everyone, the version of myself that is a perfect girlfriend and dog mom, and the version of myself that just wants to lay in bed all day.

How can one person be pulled in so many different directions?

I looked at my closet and realized I didn’t identify with any of the clothing in there. I bought them because they’re work appropriate or because I see all the girls on Instagram wearing them. And then hidden inside were a few pieces that really felt like me and that just seemed wrong. Even if I’m going to be pulled in all of those directions, I can at least have a common thread.

So I bought a bunch of second hand clothes that felt like me (most of them in the color black…) and I’m starting fresh to find myself again. I have to admit I’ve been in an appearance slump for a while. I thought about drastically changing my hair, I’ve gone to the gym a lot more, but nothing was really hitting the spot for me. I also have to admit that I’ve been watching a lot of Queer Eye lately which has inspired me to stop being so hard on myself and to just try to love myself. Even if I have a thousand versions of me, I have to love my core.

woman holding mirror against her head in the middle of forest
Photo by Tasha Kamrowski on Pexels.com

Moving In Together – 6 Months In

After about a year and a half of dating, my boyfriend and I moved in together and I wrote about my first impressions here.

Leading up to it, I wasn’t nervous at all. I was excited to be in one place, no more traveling back and forth to see each other and leading separate lives. Everything would be more convenient and it just felt like the next step. But the day we moved in, I freaked. The weight of all that could go wrong fell on me.

We’ve now been living together for six months and a lot has happened. We got a dog, we moved past the newness of living together, we’ve settled. We’ve had friends over, we’ve stayed in, we’ve fought, we’ve enjoyed our time together, and we’ve learned to give each other space.

It all really just happens naturally if you’re not forcing it. Nothing in life is rainbows and butterflies. You’re going to load the dishwasher wrong and he’s going to throw your dry clean only pants in the dryer and the dog is going to chew up all of your socks. Though social media doesn’t quite show those things, that’s just the way life is.

It’s basically nothing like the photo I used for this blog post. It’s not perfect, but that’s okay.

Six months in and we feel very comfortable in our little apartment together with our little family. It feels right for right now, but does have me thinking about the future a lot. Being together is great, but life has other factors and questions to consider. Do we want to live here forever? No, but when can we move? Are we on the right path for our careers? Can we follow those paths together? When’s the time to make next steps? Do we have to get engaged soon? Married? AH!

Everything is moving slow right now and I kind of just want it to speed up. But that’s no way to live and I’m way too uncertain about most of life’s decisions lately to be able to hop skip and jump to the future. All I can do is try to live in the moment and know that the here and now in our relationships and our little home is great.

person couple love romantic
Photo by Stokpic on Pexels.com

 

Follow Me On Social Media

As my blog grows, I love to be able to connect with everyone on all platforms! Some of my summer bucket list goals stem around social media, so I’d love if you could give me a follow and help me out! 🙂 Drop your links below so everyone can check you out.

Instagram: @rosieculture
Facebook: facebook.com/rosieculture
Twitter: @rosieculture

Vancouver Advice Needed!

I’m heading to Vancouver in a couple of weeks for a couple of days! I’m looking for any and all recommendations on what to do, what to see, and where to eat!

I enjoy (easy) hikes, all seafood and sweets, beautiful views, and fun wall murals (I am a blogger after all)!

Thanks in advance for any advice you can offer! 🙂

Xoxo

Rosie

grey dome building beside body of water during sunset
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Adopting A Dog – Initial Thoughts

Two months ago I wrote about how we adopted our little monster named Kaya. I introduced her to you and told you the backstory of deciding to get her. So now that we’ve had her for a few months, I wanted to give you all an updated!

I have to admit, the first month with Kaya was so hard. All of our conversations were about her and our relationship definitely went on the back burner. She was chewing things up, being a little too rowdy, and taking up most of our time. As someone who has openly admitted to not wanting kids because I selfishly like my time, this was pretty tough for me.

I don’t want to equate getting a dog to having a child, I KNOW that there is a huge difference. But they are very similar in a lot of ways. Your puppy will wake you up in the middle of the night, you’ll worry about them all day when you’re away from them, they will have accidents and ruin some of your things. They will take up MOST of your time.

I wasn’t loving the experience of having a dog, even though I had wanted one of my own for the past 5 years.

But as we all settled in to our home together, Kaya calmed down a lot. She stopped getting too wild when trying to play and stopped chewing on my stuff. She adapted to waiting for us to wake up in the morning and does so well at the dog park. After the first month of basically disliking this dog, now I love her to death.

And I’m back to equating having a dog to having a child. I now understand how giving up most of your life is worth that love you receive back. Adopting a dog should never be a light decision, it was a huge change for us, but our little family feels so complete now!

Breaking Up With The Places You’ve Been

I’ve traveled to a lot of cool places. I made memories there, met people, had a great time with great people, experienced and learned new things. And I miss it.

I miss it almost like it was a person who made an impact on my life and then vanished.

But we can’t live in the past, we can’t live in previous vacations and places we’ve traveled to. We can just hold on to the beautiful memories we made there. We have to break up with the places we’ve been.

We have to let them go and live our real lives again, we must maintain presence. Because when I find myself looking back on brunches next to the ocean, or exploring a volcanic cave, or standing in front of a glacier – I feel a pang of jealousy and a need to escape.

While it’s okay to escape life just for a little bit, we shouldn’t always be pawing for the past. I’ve broken up with the places I’ve been. I’ve said goodbye, for now, and visit the happy memories every once in a while. But I won’t spend time yearning for something that once was.

It’s gone and over. Maybe I’ll return again one day. But until then, we’ve broken up and I have to move on to my present life.

adult architecture art business
Photo by Vladyslav Dukhin on Pexels.com

June Recap

I have a feeling summer is going to fly by before I even get a chance to enjoy it. Did June even happen? Here’s a look at what I did and what I loved:

Favorite show: Riverdale (season 2)

Favorite memory: Spending the day with my boyfriend at a winery.

Favorite place: Sea Isle City, NJ

Favorite meal: We had a date night at a farm to table restaurant where I had an awesome cheese plate and scallops!

Favorite Instagram: Me and Kaya – her first time at the beach!

Favorite Tweet: I made a list of some of the products that have helped me go plastic free!

Favorite book: Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone!

Favorite blog post: This post about not wanting kids.

Favorite collaboration: How fun are these socks?!

What was one of your favorite things about June?