Losing Who You Are

I just purged my closet. I gathered up at least 50% of the clothes I had and donated them. It seems a little drastic, but it needed to be done. I just don’t feel like myself anymore, I don’t even know who that person is.

I’ve gotten so caught up in so many webs. I’m tied to the version of myself that works a 9-5 job, the version of myself that is a friendly blogger, the version of myself that is a punk pop dork, the version of myself that kind of hates everyone, the version of myself that is a perfect girlfriend and dog mom, and the version of myself that just wants to lay in bed all day.

How can one person be pulled in so many different directions?

I looked at my closet and realized I didn’t identify with any of the clothing in there. I bought them because they’re work appropriate or because I see all the girls on Instagram wearing them. And then hidden inside were a few pieces that really felt like me and that just seemed wrong. Even if I’m going to be pulled in all of those directions, I can at least have a common thread.

So I bought a bunch of second hand clothes that felt like me (most of them in the color black…) and I’m starting fresh to find myself again. I have to admit I’ve been in an appearance slump for a while. I thought about drastically changing my hair, I’ve gone to the gym a lot more, but nothing was really hitting the spot for me. I also have to admit that I’ve been watching a lot of Queer Eye lately which has inspired me to stop being so hard on myself and to just try to love myself. Even if I have a thousand versions of me, I have to love my core.

woman holding mirror against her head in the middle of forest
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Adopting A Dog – Initial Thoughts

Two months ago I wrote about how we adopted our little monster named Kaya. I introduced her to you and told you the backstory of deciding to get her. So now that we’ve had her for a few months, I wanted to give you all an updated!

I have to admit, the first month with Kaya was so hard. All of our conversations were about her and our relationship definitely went on the back burner. She was chewing things up, being a little too rowdy, and taking up most of our time. As someone who has openly admitted to not wanting kids because I selfishly like my time, this was pretty tough for me.

I don’t want to equate getting a dog to having a child, I KNOW that there is a huge difference. But they are very similar in a lot of ways. Your puppy will wake you up in the middle of the night, you’ll worry about them all day when you’re away from them, they will have accidents and ruin some of your things. They will take up MOST of your time.

I wasn’t loving the experience of having a dog, even though I had wanted one of my own for the past 5 years.

But as we all settled in to our home together, Kaya calmed down a lot. She stopped getting too wild when trying to play and stopped chewing on my stuff. She adapted to waiting for us to wake up in the morning and does so well at the dog park. After the first month of basically disliking this dog, now I love her to death.

And I’m back to equating having a dog to having a child. I now understand how giving up most of your life is worth that love you receive back. Adopting a dog should never be a light decision, it was a huge change for us, but our little family feels so complete now!

June Recap

I have a feeling summer is going to fly by before I even get a chance to enjoy it. Did June even happen? Here’s a look at what I did and what I loved:

Favorite show: Riverdale (season 2)

Favorite memory: Spending the day with my boyfriend at a winery.

Favorite place: Sea Isle City, NJ

Favorite meal: We had a date night at a farm to table restaurant where I had an awesome cheese plate and scallops!

Favorite Instagram: Me and Kaya – her first time at the beach!

Favorite Tweet: I made a list of some of the products that have helped me go plastic free!

Favorite book: Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone!

Favorite blog post: This post about not wanting kids.

Favorite collaboration: How fun are these socks?!

What was one of your favorite things about June?

Summer Bucket List

Happy summer! Summer is my favorite season (fall is a close second) mostly because I have a lot of free time and I hate being cold. Below is my bucket list for the summer, I’m going to push myself to get A LOT done because if not now, when?!

  1. Read 5 books
  2. Have a picnic
  3. Visit Longwood Gardens
  4. Travel out of state 5 times
  5. Go to a concert
  6. Go to the beach at least once a month
  7. Reach 1,200 Twitter followers
  8. Reach 6,800 Instagram followers
  9. Reach 2,900 WordPress followers
  10. Reach 650 Facebook likes
  11. Finish my photo album
  12. Meet up with friends at least twice a month
  13. Host a game night
  14. Eat vegan once a week
  15. Go to the gym at least twice a week
  16. Plan a trip for 2 year anniversary
  17. Change my hair
  18. Put more money into savings
  19. Make a wreath
  20. Make better choices when it comes to accepting sponsored posts
  21. See fireworks
  22. Watch 10 sunsets
  23. Take a walk with my boyfriend once a week

What’s one thing you want to do this summer?

Yes, It’s True, I Don’t Want Kids

When I say I don’t want kids, everyone says: “you’ll change your mind!” or “you’re still young!” or “are you sure?”

Yes, I’m sure.

It’s one of the first things I told my boyfriend and reminded him of almost monthly to make sure he was okay with it too. Because I won’t change my mind, I really don’t want them.

If I’m being honest, it’s mostly because I’m selfish. I value my time, my sleep, my freedom, and the money I make to spend on my lifestyle. I know kids are great, I have nieces and a nephew who I love to spend time with and spoil, but I don’t have to dedicate my whole life to them. And I don’t want to do that with kids of my own.

Even adopting a dog has been a lot more responsibility than I had imagined for myself. I always vowed to never get a puppy because of the time and effort it takes. Luckily, we adopted my dog at 1 year old and potty trained – but she is still a lot to take!

Maybe (and this is a big MAYBE), when I’m 20 years older and feeling like my youth is spent, I would look into fostering or adopting. But that’s way down the road and not something I really need to put a lot of weight into right now.

I’m young and everyone expects women to have kids by their early thirties. For me, that’s less than 10 years away and a big N O. In the next 10 years I want to move out of state, I want to travel the world, I want to adopt another dog, maybe get married and maybe buy a house with chickens in the backyard. But I definitely don’t want kids.

They say my generation is opting out of having kids. If you do want them – that’s great! If you don’t – that’s also great! Make sure you have a plan for your future, that you discuss feelings with your significant other, and know that things can change. But always stick to your instincts. My generation has a lot of reasons to not have kids. We’re in debt. We haven’t even settled at a stable job yet. We can’t afford to buy a house. But the only reason I really need is that I just don’t want them.

casual fashion girl outfit
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Completed Spring Bucket List

The official last day of spring is less than a week away! The calendar timing of seasons feels much more appropriate to me because summer is just not the same as an adult and my busy season at work just ended so I can finally start enjoying my free time more. Check out what I got done in spring! What’s one fun thing you did this spring?

  1. Read 3 books
  2. Complete one crafting project.
  3. Have friends over to my new place
  4. Go on a weekend trip
  5. Plan a summer vacation
  6. Visit Longwood Gardens
  7. Reach 2,700 WordPress followers
    Only 55 away so basically completed 🙂
  8. Reach 6,600 Instagram followers
  9. Reach 900 Twitter followers
  10. Reach 600 Facebook page likes
  11. Go hiking in 2 places
    Just one, but good enough!
  12. Leave the state 3 times
  13. Hold a sloth
    Maybe in a few months 🙂
  14. Save $$$ for a dog!
  15. Start a garden
  16. Have a picnic
    Definitely adding this to the summer one!
  17. Take a walk outside once a week
  18. Maintain happiness and presence
  19. Create a photo album

When Social Media Takes Over Real Life

The way I approach social media is the following: do it for the gram, but also do it because you love it. I find nothing wrong with people sharing their adventures, selfies, and accomplishments on social media. I find nothing wrong with people traveling just because they want a great photo. I find nothing wrong with people hopping on certain trends like books, movies, or becoming more aware of what’s going on in the world just so they can chime in on social media conversation. Because it may all be for this little internet world, but there are many real life experiences coming from it.

It’s not always the case though. Sometimes our social media lives take over our real lives. And I hate to admit it, but it’s happening to me right now.

If you were to go on my Instagram right now, you’d see fun travel shots from the past. You’d see that I spent my weekend loving life and going to farmer’s markets and getting coffee. You’d see all my friends commenting and liking my photos.

But my real life is just nothing like that right now.

I’m pretty bored and the occasional coffee run doesn’t change that. Work is stressful, life is mundane, and I’m tired. So I’ve dug myself deep into the social media hole just to escape life.

Nothing really should be used to escape life. Alcohol, traveling, social media – are all things you can enjoy, but shouldn’t be used to just forget your life. And that’s what it feels like for now and I’m honestly sharing it with the world because I know other people get sucked up in it too.

I get home from work, put on netflix, and scroll through my phone until it’s time to sleep and that’s no way to live.

Sometimes social media just takes over our lives, but we have to recognize it and get ourselves out and do something for ourselves. Because social media is not going to do it for us.

woman wearing black scoop neck shirt standing in front on concrete column holding smartphone
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