Age Doesn’t Define Your Life

I’m at that point in my life where everyone I know is either engaged or talking about getting engaged. People say “oh you’re just at that age!” But it’s actually the furthest thing from what I want right now.

And I don’t think my age has anything to do with why I should be getting married. Some people get engaged after a short amount of time, some after a long amount of time – and I don’t care why you got engaged as long as marriage is something you really want and are prepared for.

But not all of us in our twenties are. Maybe not even in our forties. Or our nineties. Some people wait to get engaged to save money, some people just don’t see the rush.

And it’s not even engagement – just because you’re 22 doesn’t mean you need to be finished with college. Just because you’re 30 doesn’t mean you need to own a house. Just because you’re 40 doesn’t mean you need three kids tearing up your home.

It’s terrible to set milestones up based on how old you are. Because we didn’t all live the same life. Some of us got our hearts broken for the first time much later than others. Some of us had to work for money before being able to go to school or move on to a better job. Some of us love travel while some of us love the sense of home. We are all different and you can’t clump a group of twenty-something year olds together and expect them all to be ready and willing for the same path in life.

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Why We Rarely Exchange Gifts In Our Relationship

When birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays roll around, I’m often not thinking about what to get my boyfriend. We have just never really celebrated milestones like that with gifts.

Our first Christmas together we exchanged very small gifts. I gave him a candle, he gave me chocolate covered strawberries. And since then it’s always been that way. There have been no expectations of gifts on holidays, it’s just not really our thing.

In my past relationships, it was huge. I would be crafting, spending tons of money, racking my brain to find something my significant other liked.

But my relationship now is just easier. We don’t need things. If we are celebrating something, we’re usually going out and doing something together. Whether it’s travelling or trying something new, we prefer experiences over gifts. Even then, we don’t usually buy those things for each other. We plan and decide together what we want to do – after all, if it’s our anniversary or your birthday, why should I have all the say?

We also tend to sporadically buy each other things. I saw this on Amazon and thought of you. I thought this would really look good in our home and you would love it.

It works well for us and takes a lot of pressure off of our relationship. Giving gifts makes me more anxious than it does excited, so we have taken a different approach with showing each other how much we care.

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The Best Of My Dating Blog Posts

Looking for some good reads on dating? Look no further, here are some great posts I wrote in the past! Leave a comment on one of the original posts so I know that you’re liking it 🙂

  1. Making The First Move
  2. The Dreaded Serial Dater
  3. Not Everyone Sucks
  4. Does Online Dating Lack Spontaneity
  5. Dating Is Depressing
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10 Valentine’s Day Ideas For Homebodies

I’ve never made a big hub bub about Valentine’s Day, but I don’t see a reason to hate on it. I’d rather just embrace another day to show the people I love that I love them.

That being said, I don’t like to go out on Valentine’s Day, it’s just terrible. I don’t want the overpriced meals, the crowded restaurants, and just the overreaction to the day to have to rush out and do something with your significant other. I’m a homebody and have always preferred to celebrate Valentine’s Day at home or on a different day. If you’re like me, here are 14 ways to celebrate instead.

  1. Make some fun cocktails together
  2. Rent a movie and stop by the movie theater to buy a tub of popcorn (I’ve done this, it’s great and CHEAP!)
  3. Turn off the electronics and tackle a board game or puzzle
  4. Create a scavenger hunt that keeps you away from the busy V Day buzz
  5. Try out a meal subscription service and cook together (FYI they always have deals to get $$ off your first meal and then you can cancel after…I’ve done like 5 services like this)
  6. Do the thing you always say you’re going to do together whether it’s just going to a yoga class, booking a trip, or taking a nap.
  7. Host a game-night for couples, you get to stay in your house and have fun!
  8. Do Valentine’s Day on a different, less busy day.
  9. Better yet, do Valentine’s Day on a weekend and make a trip of it where you can be a homebody in a hotel room!
  10. Create a self-care day. You would be surprised how much guys who don’t often soak in a tub or take care of their nails actually enjoy when you take time to do these things with them.

Do you have any Valentine’s Day tips for broke, introverts like me? Leave em below!

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It’s Not Always 50/50

I recently read some Twitter wisdom that really stuck with me. When it comes to relationships, everyday won’t be 50/50. Some days will, but some days all he will have is 10 and you gotta give 90 but it’s okay. Because some days all you’ll have is 10 and he’ll give 90.

I rarely feel like my relationship is 50/50 and it’s the weight of my end that I can’t carry. It makes me feel so guilty to think that I put so much on boyfriend daily. I struggle with basic tasks when my anxiety strikes, I’ve always been a little selfish because of what I’ve been through in my past, and I’m undeniably lazy.

But that’s my point of view. If you asked him, he’d name all the things I do for him. He’d count out all the days where I’ve given 80 when he’s only had 20. And maybe my bad days outweigh his, but I definitely do give sometimes. Even though it’s hard for me to give.

It’s about sacrifice, it’s about give and take. Relationships aren’t always 50/50 and they aren’t always easy. It requires work and effort to keep a relationship blooming and happy. When you get comfortable, it’s easy to lose sight of the effort you really need to be putting in to ensure your partner is happy. When you both resort to scrolling through your phones all night after work instead of having a conversation over dinner, it’s time to realize what you’re putting in and what more you can be doing.

How others see your relationship, how your partner sees your relationship, and how you see your relationship can all be very different. Which is why communication is important and why we all need to pick up the slack sometimes.

Doing The Long Distance Relationship Thing

Temporarily, my boyfriend is living in New Jersey while I’m in New Hampshire. And while this is only for a month and not really a long distance relationship, it makes me really reflect on the people who are open to doing long distance.

My first boyfriend and I were long distance for pretty much our whole relationship. We were never more than two hours apart, but many factors ended up keeping us at a distance. When he was in college, I was in high school and when I was in college he was working and living in the city. Our relationship was forced into these spurts of time together on weekends, breaks, etc. Meaning any free time I had was dedicated to him.

And that becomes exceedingly difficult when you’re trying to put down roots somewhere. You can’t just pick up and leave every weekend or else you’ll never feel settled. And then it comes to a point where you don’t want to pick up and leave every weekend because you’re settled.

I think if my boyfriend and I were truly forced to do long distance for more than say 3 months, it would put a lot of strain on our relationship. We are both people that like to go out and do things and dedicating our free time and weekends to a 5 hour drive is just unreasonable on both ends.

I give a lot of credit to the people that can do it and I hope their quality of life and relationship are still in a good place. I’m just not the kind of person who can live off bi-weekly interactions for years at a time. But I can’t knock it if it works for other people.

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10 Things I Never Knew I Needed In A Boyfriend

I was very independent before getting in a relationship and didn’t think I’d become so dependent when I got into one. But it’s not dependence in a bad way, it’s dependence in the way that now I have someone to help, someone to lean on, and someone to be there for me. I didn’t know I needed all these things until I had them. Here are 10 things I never knew I needed in a boyfriend:

  1. Someone who lets me win sometimes, but not all the time.
  2. Someone to take care of me.
  3. Someone who might not necessarily find joy in all the things I like to do, but will come with me and pretend to enjoy them anyway.
  4. Someone who will put my success and future first when the time is right.
  5. Someone who is more fearless than me, because I’m a chicken who likes to make big plans with no execution.
  6. Someone who will squash the bugs, open the jars, and make me lunch when I’m too tired.
  7. Someone who is willing to put in an equal amount of work, if not more.
  8. Someone who sees right through my mood swings.
  9. Someone who would do anything for me, but can still take care of themselves.
  10. Someone who is there, all the time, but you still miss when they leave for an hour.
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