My New Relationship Feels Familiar

My current boyfriend reminds me of my ex boyfriend. There are a lot of similarities between the two relationships that my head almost spins sometimes because it seems so familiar.

And I was kind of worried about that because my old relationship ended in an all out war of who could make the other person feel worse. My old relationship was emotionally scarring and unstable. My old relationship left me broken and scared. My old relationship sucked.

I was sitting here thinking about how I would like a lizard as a pet, maybe my boyfriend and I could buy one together. But it feels a little weird to me because I used to have a lizard as a pet, my ex and I bought one together.

Coincidentally, both guys like lizards.

But it’s not a coincidence to like someone who has things in common with me. I felt all of these similarities between this relationship and an old one, but really the similarities just have to do with me. I’ve found someone like my ex because I’ve found someone who I have a lot in common with.

And just because they both liked sports, tattoos, lizards, and some other silly things, doesn’t mean that the relationship is the same. This relationship is safe, trusting, open, honest, and loving. My old relationship was full of distrust, anger, and emotional abuse.

Duh, I have a type. And this looming feeling of similarities doesn’t have to be looming at all. It’s actually really cool that I found someone that I have stuff in common with that I can have a healthy relationship with. I didn’t date my ex for four years for no reason, it was because we had similar interests and therefore we had fun together.

My new relationship kind of reminds me of an old relationship, but better.

hc
Photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/super_pat/

How I Finally Got The Dating Thing Right

I felt like I was single forever after my last long term relationship. I had made the choice to stay single, mostly because I was so aware of how I was kissing frogs that definitely weren’t going to turn into princes any time soon.

Every time I tried to date, I just couldn’t get comfortable. Reaching out to people I had lost touch with to spark something felt awkward. Meeting people for the first time and getting to know their whole life story felt like a lot of work. The whole thing was so exhausting.

It was so much easier to get what I want and then get out. Just scratch the surface a tiny bit until it’s time to leave. Because every time I tried to go deeper, I felt anxious and out of sorts. I just thought being in a committed relationship wasn’t for me.

What I didn’t realize at the time was where that anxiety was coming from. It wasn’t because dating was awkward or because it took a lot of work. It wasn’t because I didn’t want to get to know someone or love someone. It was because the people I was dating didn’t match me. My weird didn’t fit their weird.

Being your own kind of weird is when you are your complete self. You let that weird out when you’re with your best friends, goofing around with your siblings, when you really get to know someone. But not everyone’s weird matches yours and that becomes very apparent when you are dating.

I tried to force things that didn’t fit because everyone was telling me I was being too picky and I was telling myself that these things weren’t working out because I was the problem.

There is no magic answer to finding the person you’re supposed to be with. The only thing I can tell you is that when you find them, you won’t feel awkward. You won’t feel uncomfortable, anxious, or exhausted. Your weird will match their weird and then it all falls in to place.

It still takes work, but it’s fun work. And that’s how I got the dating thing right after many years of feeling wrong.

hc
photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/ileohidalgo/

The Hookup On: Relationship Thoughts & Bumble

A new twist, since you always see my writing and never hear my voice, here’s something fun for you guys! I was on Live from the Middle Urinal, a mainly male focused podcast, and voiced my opinions on dating, Tinder and Bumble, relationships, ghosting, and more!

Take a listen here:

Itunes: http://apple.co/29qpw0f

GooglePlay – http://bit.ly/2m81zLd
Stitcher – http://bit.ly/2lKYJAH
TuneIn – http://bit.ly/2hBgiQj

And let me know your thoughts in the comments!

How We Met (Part 4)

A response to my very old series of endings called  I’m Glad It Didn’t Work Out, view it here. This will be the last part of a series focused on the beginnings of various relationships, view part 1part 2, and part 3.

When we met, I was at a point in my life where I just wasn’t happy. I smiled, I chuckled, I just went through the motions when I was supposed to and that was my version of happy for the time being.

But when I sat next to you at the bar, you made me laugh. A laugh I hadn’t heard or felt in a long time. A laugh that continued all night. You were a friend of a friend so there was only a slight introduction when we jumped into the witty banter. People I didn’t want to see and people I did want to see came and went, but most of my attention was just on how funny you were.

I don’t think I have ever been so struck by someone’s personality before and the fact that you were just so likeable at the time. The bartender made us the most disgusting grape Gatorade shots I had ever had. I only had two or three drinks that night, but I laughed until I cried sitting next to you at that dingy bar. The bar I almost never went to, but happened to be at when I met you.

First impressions are funny because they lack a lot of emotion. You’ll never truly know who a person is when you are barely scratching the surface. But at that time, a night of laughing was all I really needed.

hc
Photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/gazeronly/

How We Met (Part 3)

A response to my very old series of endings called  I’m Glad It Didn’t Work Out, view it here. This will be a series focused on the beginnings of various relationships, view part 1 and part 2.

The first time I saw you we were at a party and I gushed over your cool tattoos.  I tried all sorts of hard to get your attention, but you went on your way.

I swear I didn’t see you again until 6 months later, I was kind of convinced you were some sort of mythical creature I had made up in my head. You had just disappeared. But there you were, in front of me once again, cool tattoos and all. And I didn’t know what to do.

It made no sense to gush again. But I was just so shy – I’ve always been a weird kind of shy – and couldn’t work up any nerve to talk to you.

So I resorted to elementary school behavior and told my friend, who was also your friend, that I thought you were cute. He relayed the message and you found your way to me. I was still too shy. We awkwardly stood in a corner trying to chat. I was wearing a Spiderman t-shirt and I’m pretty sure we tried talking about it for 15 minutes straight.

We met at a party and then again at another party. I convinced myself you were this perfect, tattooed god. But when we were talking in that corner, awkward and shy on my part, is when I should’ve realized we had absolutely nothing in common and that’s absolutely bad news in the long run.

hc
photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/vhines200/

How We Met (Part 2)

A response to my very old series of endings called  I’m Glad It Didn’t Work Out, view part 1 and 2 here. This will be a series focused on the beginnings of various relationships, view part 1 here.

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away – I used to be on Tinder. Yikes.

I was so reckless with my heart at the time. When we matched, I didn’t say a word. We sporadically messaged each other through out the months, sending emojis or my favorite pick up line: “How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?”

Months after we matched, we finally committed to a conversation. We had friends in common, more specifically one friend. And it was one friend that I had a very rocky path with.

As most things go during your 20’s and a stage of instant gratification, we were obsessed with each other before even meeting each other. The first time we officially met was when we FaceTimed. I was at my parents house on break, you lived nearby to where I went to school. I felt so uncomfortable, but also giddy.

Then the actual first time we met was pretty strange. Because I didn’t know you, but I still got in your car and we went on a first date. We both ordered the same dish and I barely ate because of nerves.

But it was all so unbelievably innocent, so much more innocent than my reckless heart was used to at the time. I was wrapped up in a world of finally being single in college, breaking hearts and getting my heart broken, and trying not to care about anything. In the midst of that, we went on our first date. And for a little while, I was a little less reckless and a little more innocent. But only for a little while.

hc
Photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/f_lynx/

 

Retiring Writing About Old Relationships

As I was writing my first How We Met post, I started contemplating who else I would write about besides my current boyfriend.

I listed the people I’ve dated and written about in the past in my mind and I just grew tired of thinking about those same old stories. Most of these people I haven’t spoken to or even thought about in years. Their impact on me has been far forgotten. So I decided to stop writing about them.

I’m retiring writing about old relationships and people that disappeared from my life a long time ago and for good reason. I’m tired of them, I’m tired of their stories, and they never really deserved that much from me anyway.

So I decided to only write about people I’ve spoken to in the last year, the people who still sort of linger. Or the people I’ve never written about, the stories I never told. Even they will disappear soon, but at least they are still relevant.

As time passes, these things seem to matter less and less. I’m sure those oldies but goodies will pop up now and then. And I’m sure the more recent people will get boring too. Time truly does help to heal wounds.

hc
photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/patadeperro/