My Monogamy Skepticism

I’ve been skeptical about monogamy for a while now. I used to be very gung-ho on love, having a family, and living happily ever after. But the older I got, the more unrealistic it seemed.

We are constantly changing. It’s hard for me to fathom that with all the changes we go through, we will like the same person for the next 50 years of our life. The only people that have even been in my life for more than 5 years are my family members and I’m stuck with them. Is that what marriage is? Making it work because you’re stuck with them?

It just seems odd to me that we force ourselves to be with one person for the rest of our lives when there are so many other places, other people, and other experiences out there. I see so many more bad relationships than I see good ones. I’ve seen the beginnings and the ends of marriages. And it just doesn’t seem like monogamy is natural for people who live 100 years.

I think it has a lot to do with my inability to live in the present, always looking towards the future. I look down the line and think that I couldn’t possibly be as happy as I am now in the next 10 years if everything is exactly the same.

It just seems weird to me that most people feel the need to anchor down to one person and they do it in their 20’s. 3 years ago I was a different person than I am today and in 3 more years I’ll be different again – can it really be that the person you marry will ebb and flow with your changes along  with their own? That it really does all just work itself out?

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Moving In Together – First Impressions

As many of you know, my boyfriend and I moved in together this past weekend. The weeks leading up to it had me antsy to finally be in one place together and stressed to get everything done that needed to get done.

But the excitement was real. It was basically everything we had been waiting for for a couple of months and after a few days of living together, I wanted to share my first impressions of the experience with you.

I was so impatient leading up to our move in because living together would make our lives so much easier and my boyfriend would always be there when I needed him from now on. The move in day was much less glamorous than I had built up in my head. It was a lot of stuff, it was hard, and it was a long day.

At the end of the first night when we were ready to go to sleep, all the dread that had been masked by the excitement washed over me. Moving in is a big step but I wasn’t really regarding it as such, but the big step weighed heavily on me that night. I was giving up my studio apartment that I maintained, paid for, and lived in all by myself. I’ll be giving up more alone time and privacy. In that moment I became scared of what moving in together meant and if I was going to lose myself.

The next few days included unpacking, cooking meals and not ordering out for once, folding each other’s laundry – and the unease dissipated slowly. I know it’s normal to be nervous about a decision like this, but I didn’t even see it coming. I had been so excited that the anxiety hit me like a truck when it was all said and done.

But relationships and big steps require work and I’ve always been slow to get on board with things and hesitant in my relationships so it’s fine to approach this the same way. You can be scared to make big decisions and enter new phases of your life, the unknown IS scary but could also hold great things!

I’m looking forward to sharing what my impression on moving in together is in 6 months because I really don’t know what the future holds for me, but I am willing to find out!

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The Valentine’s Day Archive

I’ve basically never minded Valentine’s Day. I think the only year it really bothered me was a couple months after me and my long term ex broke up and I went to a party, cried, ordered a ton of pizza and cried some more. IT HAPPENS.

I’ve also never been super excited about the day. I like taking the chance to show a lil love to the people in my life, but I think that should be done regardless of a holiday.

ANYWAY! Here’s some posts I’ve written in the past about Valentine’s Day to get you in the mood. 😉 Enjoy!

  1. Love Yourself This Valentine’s Day
  2. DON’T Hate on Valentine’s Day
  3. Break the Valentine’s Day Mold
  4. Valentine’s Day Craze
  5. 10 Ways to Celebrate the Little Things (for Valentine’s Day and all year!)

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5 Thoughts You Have When Moving In With Your Significant Other

1. But what if we break up?

Call me a cynic, but my first thought was what if something really dramatic happens and we break up and we get stuck in this lease????

2. Will we get sick of each other?

Right now it feels really inconvenient to not live with each other, but maybe we’ll find out that there is really such a thing as too much time together.

3. Am I going to have to give up my alone time?

I’ve expressed my need for alone time often to my boyfriend so I’m not that worried about it…but we’ll see.

4. How big of a next step is this really?

I was kind of like yeah moving in together will be convenient, but other people are like ooooh are you getting a ring soon?

5. It’s not really that big of a deal.

Some people will feel like it’s a big deal, but for me it’s just a way to make our relationship better. Sure, all of the above are concerns. But things happen and maybes can’t keep you from diving in to something that will make you happy!

Any advice for couples who are moving in together? Leave it below!

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Your Relationship Will Always Require Work

I grew up reading romances and pawning over Nicholas Sparks movies. It seemed to me that love was hard at first, but then you would get over the initial battle and everything would be like a fairy tale.

But I think we all learn the hard way that relationships are hard, even when you’ve found the right one.

Emotions are emotions. They are unreliable and powerful, and love may be the most volatile of them all. Even if you’ve met the one, your relationship will always require work.

You’ll always find something to fight about whether it’s over getting enough attention or putting the cap back on the toothpaste.

It requires constant effort. You can’t just buy flowers during the honeymoon stage then sit back and relax for the next 50 years. What kind of life or relationship would that be?

But the effort and the work and the bickering is all worth it for the person you love and want to be with. There will be trials and tests, big and little problems. Life isn’t a fairy tale, but a little work in a relationship goes a long way towards your happy ending.

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What I’ve Learned After 1 Year Of Being In A Relationship

So I had taken about three years off from committed relationships before diving into the one I’m in now. The last real committed relationship I was in lasted four years and this one has just hit the one year anniversary! 🙂

I learned a lot about myself in the time I spent casually dating and being single. It took me a long time to recover from my last break up, to find myself, and to open up to someone again. So here are the things I’ve learned in the one year I’ve been in a relationship:

  1. No two people are the same – don’t compare your current boyfriend to your ex.
  2. Being alone is still very important, you can’t spend all your time with your significant other without going nuts.
  3. There will be doubts, you just have to know if they’re valid or not.
  4. Communication will save your relationship. Be honest, always.
  5. You’ll drift away from your friends. That’s a big part of being in the honeymoon stage and growing older in general.
  6. No one is as happy as they make themselves seem on social media. Everyone fights, bickers, and gets annoyed at each other.
  7. Always show appreciation. I am constantly surprised by how patient my boyfriend is with me and I never stop thanking him for it.
  8. Be yourself from day one. I was weird when we went on our first date and I’m probably a little weirder now, but there were no surprises as the relationship went on.
  9. Being in a relationship isn’t like being in a jail. I used to cringe at the thought of being tied down, but it’s really not bad when you find the right person.
  10. Take everything at your own pace. People all around me are getting engaged and buying houses. But I’m a slowpoke when it comes to big steps and that’s okay!
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The Pressure Of Being In A Relationship In Your 20’s

Every other week someone I know is getting engaged, buying a house, or getting married. When you’re in your twenties, there are three kinds of people in your friend group. The single ones, the ones who met their significant other in high school or college, and the ones who met their significant other after college or a little later in their twenties.

I’m 24 and any friend who met their love in high school or college are now engaged. I fall into the category of the ones who met their love after college, so I feel a little behind. I feel deeply for my single friends, because no matter how happy you are being single, you still feel left out sometimes.

Now I feel a lot of pressure being in a relationship in this stage of my life because everyone automatically expects that engagement and marriage are a few short years away.

But a little over a year ago I didn’t really believe in marriage. I didn’t want it, I didn’t want a relationship, and now while I’m in a relationship I’m still not 100% on board with the idea of marriage.

When I mentioned my boyfriend and I are planning on moving in together, I was asked if I thought a ring was in the future and I replied, “god, I hope not.”

I’m just not ready, but I feel a lot of pressure when a lot of people my age are ready and have been ready. It’s just what comes with my age. When you’re single in your twenties, you’re pressured to find a boyfriend. When you’re in a relationship in your twenties, you’re pressured to get engaged.

As much as I know what I want, it’s hard to ignore that nagging pressure.

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