I guess summer is just destined to fly by because I can’t even believe August is almost here. July was everything I wanted and more! I got to spend so much time with my nieces and nephew who live far away and we went on our first trip in a looooong time. Here’s a recap of my July!
Favorite show: Queer Eye
Favorite memory: Going on the boat with my nieces and nephew (and Kaya’s first time on the boat!)
Favorite place: Vancouver
Favorite meal: Alllll about the Macho Matcha ice cream at Perverted in Vancouver
If you read my previous post about preparing for the worst when traveling, you’ll know I almost didn’t make it to Vancouver. Luckily, I did and I LOVED it!
I gauge how much I love a city based off how much I’d want to live there and we ended up seeing how much apartments cost and looking at job openings so it’s safe to say we loved it.
Things I did:
1. Capilano Suspension Bridge Seriously sooo cool and worth the money, just a little packed!
2. Stanley Park
3. Sunset Beach Park
4. Explored Gastown
5. Vancouver Lookout The views of Vancouver are incredible, beautiful buildings surrounded by ocean and mountains!
Places I ate:
1. Nelson the Seagull
2. Tim Horton’s I had to, right?
3. Cactus Club Cafe
4. Perverted Really cool looking and yummy ice cream!
5. Forage
6. Heritage Asian Eatery
I loooooved Vancouver. That was my first time to the West Coast of North America and it did not disappoint! I have a special place in my heart for Canadian cities, they are just so clean and friendly for people my age. All of the buildings are so beautifully designed and you can literally not get sick of seeing the mountains over the ocean – it’s stunning. I’d love to go back one day.
Something just isn’t quite right…but I’m not sure what it is. Do you ever look at your life because something needs to change, but you can’t figure out what it is?
It seems like a lot of good things are lined up for me. I’ve had a lot of time with my family, a lot of fun on the weekends, and have been working on bettering myself. But then there seem to be twinges of things that are not just going right – but which of them are creating so much of an impact that it’s making me unhappy?
I’ve let a lot of projects die lately. I was saying yes to as many things as I could, I was writing in a gratitude journal, I was trying to be mindful. And I don’t think those things were making huge differences in my life, but ditching them could be behind my unhappiness.
Complacency has also been a huge struggle for me lately. I have been trying to get out of my appearance rut, but haven’t been able to change anything in my daily routine. I spend a lot of time wishing the days away and then sitting on my couch and watching Netflix all evening.
Even when I get to the weekend, I have ended up doing a lot of things by myself recently and occupying my own time. I’m normally all for it, but I had been pushing myself out of my anti-social box lately and now I feel like I’m walking in circles trying to make myself happy all by myself.
None of these are huge problems. I can’t point to one and say that it’s truly making a dent into my happiness. I guess it could be all these small pebbles creating one big mountain I can’t climb. Something just isn’t quite right, but I’m not sure what it is. What’s making you unhappy?
Traveling gives me a lot of anxiety. I’m normally a hot mess day of, even though I’ve done so much planning and coordinating to avoid any mishaps.
I prepare for the worst as best as I can. I have back up plans and we get to the airport extra early. I do a lot of research and ask for advice of people who have been there – but there are always things you can’t prepare for.
For this most recent trip, I got really sick. Like I was in the hospital on Wednesday night and we were leaving for Vancouver on Friday morning. I had been looking forward to this trip for months and I was at a point in my summer where I NEEDED to get away. The threat of this trip not happening probably made me sicker.
As a very cheap optimist, I didn’t buy flight insurance. I was gripping my stomach Friday morning waiting for the cab, still wondering if I should actually go. Will I be able to make it through a 10 hour day of travel? I had to weigh whether I could willingly give up the hundreds of dollars I spent versus putting myself through basically torture.
After this experience, yes, I will always buy flight insurance now. I’m not invincible. But I stomached it and went on the trip anyway, anticipating spending all my time in bed.
But I was able to pull through. I’m a major foodie so it has been quite a bummer to not enjoy all the yums Vancouver has to offer because I’m sick. But at least I got to enjoy this beautiful city and next time I travel I’ll be even more prepared.
I just purged my closet. I gathered up at least 50% of the clothes I had and donated them. It seems a little drastic, but it needed to be done. I just don’t feel like myself anymore, I don’t even know who that person is.
I’ve gotten so caught up in so many webs. I’m tied to the version of myself that works a 9-5 job, the version of myself that is a friendly blogger, the version of myself that is a punk pop dork, the version of myself that kind of hates everyone, the version of myself that is a perfect girlfriend and dog mom, and the version of myself that just wants to lay in bed all day.
How can one person be pulled in so many different directions?
I looked at my closet and realized I didn’t identify with any of the clothing in there. I bought them because they’re work appropriate or because I see all the girls on Instagram wearing them. And then hidden inside were a few pieces that really felt like me and that just seemed wrong. Even if I’m going to be pulled in all of those directions, I can at least have a common thread.
So I bought a bunch of second hand clothes that felt like me (most of them in the color black…) and I’m starting fresh to find myself again. I have to admit I’ve been in an appearance slump for a while. I thought about drastically changing my hair, I’ve gone to the gym a lot more, but nothing was really hitting the spot for me. I also have to admit that I’ve been watching a lot of Queer Eye lately which has inspired me to stop being so hard on myself and to just try to love myself. Even if I have a thousand versions of me, I have to love my core.
After about a year and a half of dating, my boyfriend and I moved in together and I wrote about my first impressions here.
Leading up to it, I wasn’t nervous at all. I was excited to be in one place, no more traveling back and forth to see each other and leading separate lives. Everything would be more convenient and it just felt like the next step. But the day we moved in, I freaked. The weight of all that could go wrong fell on me.
We’ve now been living together for six months and a lot has happened. We got a dog, we moved past the newness of living together, we’ve settled. We’ve had friends over, we’ve stayed in, we’ve fought, we’ve enjoyed our time together, and we’ve learned to give each other space.
It all really just happens naturally if you’re not forcing it. Nothing in life is rainbows and butterflies. You’re going to load the dishwasher wrong and he’s going to throw your dry clean only pants in the dryer and the dog is going to chew up all of your socks. Though social media doesn’t quite show those things, that’s just the way life is.
It’s basically nothing like the photo I used for this blog post. It’s not perfect, but that’s okay.
Six months in and we feel very comfortable in our little apartment together with our little family. It feels right for right now, but does have me thinking about the future a lot. Being together is great, but life has other factors and questions to consider. Do we want to live here forever? No, but when can we move? Are we on the right path for our careers? Can we follow those paths together? When’s the time to make next steps? Do we have to get engaged soon? Married? AH!
Everything is moving slow right now and I kind of just want it to speed up. But that’s no way to live and I’m way too uncertain about most of life’s decisions lately to be able to hop skip and jump to the future. All I can do is try to live in the moment and know that the here and now in our relationships and our little home is great.
