New Hampshire and I didn’t necessarily get off on the right foot. It can seem kind of glamorous to get up and leave the world behind, start somewhere new. But in reality, it’s very very difficult. And I knew that coming into it and I also didn’t set myself up to be in a situation where I would love it right off the bat.
I immediately jumped into a new job when I got here, a job that is much more demanding and requires me to learn a lot in a short period of time. And my boyfriend isn’t moving up with me until the end of the month which means I’ve had a lot of quiet evenings and quiet weekends.
I’m not really one for making friends and I knew that would be my biggest challenge coming up here. It’s too early for me to knock a place because of that. I’ve piled far too much on my plate (as I always do) so my first impression of moving out of state has not been a great one. Especially because we were dumped with snow which put off my boyfriend’s plans to come visit me.
I miss him and my dog and my lizard. I was well-adjusted to living together, to coming home to someone or something every day. Now it’s very very quiet and my apartment is still filled to the brim with boxes and is just a hot mess honestly. I suck at unpacking. I’m kind of just going through the motions in January, knowing that it will be better here in February.
When people start over somewhere new, they make it seem so adventurous and amazing. So I wanted to share my first impressions with you, as that is not always the case.
Oh boy has it been a busy New Year. I am attempting to adjust in a new place and new job and waiting for my boyfriend to join me in our new place. It has kind of just been a month of chaos, does it show in my January photos?
Temporarily, my boyfriend is living in New Jersey while I’m in New Hampshire. And while this is only for a month and not really a long distance relationship, it makes me really reflect on the people who are open to doing long distance.
My first boyfriend and I were long distance for pretty much our whole relationship. We were never more than two hours apart, but many factors ended up keeping us at a distance. When he was in college, I was in high school and when I was in college he was working and living in the city. Our relationship was forced into these spurts of time together on weekends, breaks, etc. Meaning any free time I had was dedicated to him.
And that becomes exceedingly difficult when you’re trying to put down roots somewhere. You can’t just pick up and leave every weekend or else you’ll never feel settled. And then it comes to a point where you don’t want to pick up and leave every weekend because you’re settled.
I think if my boyfriend and I were truly forced to do long distance for more than say 3 months, it would put a lot of strain on our relationship. We are both people that like to go out and do things and dedicating our free time and weekends to a 5 hour drive is just unreasonable on both ends.
I give a lot of credit to the people that can do it and I hope their quality of life and relationship are still in a good place. I’m just not the kind of person who can live off bi-weekly interactions for years at a time. But I can’t knock it if it works for other people.
I look at my blog sometimes and am just so frustrated with the content I’m putting out. Sometimes it’s too fluffy, sometimes it’s too bare, and sometimes it’s too dark. And sometimes there’s just nothing to write about.
While I want to have consistent blog posts for my readers and it seems like something they want that too, my life isn’t always that interesting. I’m not always having some kind of epiphany, quarter life crisis, or relationship realization. I can’t always strip down my soul and spill my guts to you all because I don’t always have something to spill. I try to be as personal and vulnerable as possible, but then I see other bloggers writing about miscarriages, divorces, bankruptcy and I feel so unauthentic.
When there’s nothing to write about, I make lists. I talk about some of my goals, my to-do lists, I promote myself and other bloggers. But it can feel cheap sometimes that I can only give an emotionally and beautifully composed piece of writing to you all every once in a while.
There are a lot of doubts when it comes to being a blogger and a lot of comparisons. I don’t feel that I fit in the stereotypical blogging niche and my audience here on the blog certainly differs from my audience on Instagram. While there is always something to take a photo of, there’s not always something to write about. So I hope everyone will bear with me through the fluff and folly while I wait for inspiration.