It’s hard to be self-confident. I think it comes in waves, you feel really good about yourself then you all of a sudden feel really bad about yourself.
It’s harder after you graduate college, because you get way less attention than you ever did when you were young, flirty, and out every night surrounded by people. You’re just alone more in your mid-twenties and that results in less attention.
And if you’re not going to give yourself the love you need, then no one will. Sure, your coworker will compliment your dress and your mom will tell you that you look pretty today. If you go out with your friends every once in a while, they’ll tell you how great you look and you might get hit on at the bar.
But it’s not a guarantee that you’re going to get the gratification you need, that we all need.
So, take more selfies and learn how to make yourself feel good. Whether you’re slapping on a snapchat filter or taking it from your best angle – do what you have to do to give yourself the attention you need.
We all need a little confidence boost now and again, I’ve never seen taking lots of selfies as a negative thing. If you’re feeling yourself, then snap that pic and hype yourself up. You deserve it.
It happens to everyone. You get to this really great place in your life, you’re happy, you’re thriving, and then BOOM you all of a sudden miss your ex.
And I don’t mean just a twinge of sadness – you cannot stop thinking about them. When you’re stuck in traffic, you think about how you miss the adventures you used to go on. When you’re bored at work, you think about how you used to have someone to talk to all day. When you’re trying to fall asleep at night, you’re very aware of the empty space next to you.
You miss your ex so much. You want to text them, maybe plan to meet up. Maybe you’ll kiss. Maybe you’ll get back together and it will be bliss.
When these thoughts hit you like a freight train, it’s not because you’re having a sudden realization that your relationship should have never ended. It’s really just a soft spot in the life you had begun to enjoy.
You can’t expect everything to be perfect always, we all hit a low every once in a while. When you’re missing your ex, you’re lonely, maybe scared, possible confused, and reaching an unstable point in your life. But this doesn’t mean you need to rekindle a past relationship – it means you need to light a fire in yourself.
You’re backtracking to the familiar because it’s the easiest fix to feel safe again. But this backtracking will only cause more harm than good. You don’t need your ex to get through this rough patch, you can get yourself up and move forward. You’ve done it alone before and you can do it again.
Don’t send the 2 am “I’m thinking about you” text. Don’t make plans to see your ex. You don’t miss them – you miss the happiness and comfort you felt in your relationship. But that happiness and comfort didn’t last forever, hence why the relationship ended. And this low point in your life won’t last forever either. By contacting your ex, you will only drag out the loneliness, fright, and confusion.
You don’t need to focus on your ex, you need to focus on yourself.
Loneliness can cause a lot of confusion. It’s not enough that you’re alone, happy sometimes but sad others, miss the feeling of someone laying beside you, of always having someone to turn to – but it also jumbles up your brain and heart to the point where clarity is a small speck in the distance.
It sounds petty, but we really do need attention. And in times when we lack it, we can become a little drastic in order to receive it.
You can be a happy person alone, but still have loneliness hit you from time to time. A lot of people resort back to their ex boyfriends or girlfriends during this time of vulnerability. Because they’re familiar, they might give you the brief attention you need, they once were something but now are nothing. You don’t necessarily miss them – you just need a little attention.
Or you start dating and talking to other people in order to get attention. Maybe a relationship is what you want. Maybe this time it’s not just temporary loneliness.
But how do you really know if you like someone when the loneliness is causing so much confusion? Do you really enjoy their company or are they just the first person to offer to take you out in a while? Do you really find them attractive or are they just calling you pretty and telling you what you want to hear?
Do you really like them or do you just like the attention?
It’s best to separate yourself from the loneliness if you’re truly thinking of dating someone – but it’s hard and you’re blinded. One way or another you’ll come to find if you really like the person or if you just needed the attention. It’s sad. It makes you seem as if you were using someone when you really just couldn’t separate the needs from the wants. But it’s always something to consider every time you start to flirt with someone new – consider your state of mind with every move you make to avoid hurting anyone. Be careful when you’re lonely and confused, you are not the only one who will feel the consequences of not thinking clearly.
Self destructive behaviors are hard to avoid. You could be self centered, a bad listener, a serial dater, a player, a flirt – just someone who is constantly making things worse for themselves and for others.
Social media makes it very easy for us to become jealous of others. We are constantly exposed to everyone else’s lives and the grass always looks greener on the other side. Plus they’re getting more likes than us on Instagram.
But it’s okay to want attention – I’d be a little worried if you didn’t. No matter how self sufficient you are, you don’t want to get to the point of independence where you’re actually isolating yourself and making yourself lonely.
So we seek attention from others. Whether it’s wanting a lot of retweets or wanting a boy to flirt with you at the bar, sometimes we just need some validation. It’s okay to want that every once in a while. On the days you’re feeling low and something as simple as a compliment on your smile can turn your whole day around.
The key is not to need the attention. You do not want to be reliant on the approval of others. You are the main component to your own happiness, if you are not relying on yourself you will never be able to rely properly on other people.
Another key is to not destruct other people’s lives in the search of attention. You can take someone’s admiration, but you shouldn’t lead it anywhere with false intentions. It will hurt you and it will hurt someone else.
So yea, take pride in someone buying you a drink at the bar. And accept the flirty snapchats. But always accept them with caution, care, and the best intentions in mind.
When we think back to being young we often think of the great times. We think about how we were worry free for so long, how life was filled with ignorant bliss and simple happiness. Most of us choose to forget the part of being young that meant being really weird and awkward…
For me, sixth grade was when getting a boyfriend was really important. Not like an actual boyfriend, just someone you called your boyfriend and held hands with and wrote about in your AIM profile – “K.M. ilysm always and forever &<3;“. I know it’s different for kids now, the importance of getting attention from the opposite sex starts at a much younger age and their definition of boyfriend goes way past mine from when I was young. But from sixth grade on, getting attention from boys was a top priority.
Through social media, television, movies, magazines, my friends, my older siblings, etc; I had formed an idea in my mind of what I had to do to get boys to like me. It was really that important and as a lanky (and transitioning into the opposite of lanky) 13 year old girl I thought I needed to be a certain way for boys to like me. The way all of the popular girls got the boys to like them. Looking back, they probably had the same idea as me – they just knew how to execute it better. They also didn’t have braces and a love for Avril Lavigne that was made apparent through clothing choices.
This is something that inflicted my young and naiive self, but still impacts women my age and older to this day. We want to please everyone by trying to imitate what the media portrays as desirable such as being:
As a middle schooler, there had to be some sort of sadness and complexity to me that I could open up about. Even though I was 13 and my main problem was really the fact that my orthodontist was mean to me.
I always see this on the media. Boys just fall in love with the girl that is tripping over her own feet, that always needs to be saved.
The girl that was too loud and overbearing didn’t seem desirable, she had way too much going on for a guy to want to deal with.
4. Skinny/always done up
I think I’ve been wearing make up since the end of 5th grade when I clearly didn’t need it and probably would’ve looked better without the blue eye shadow.
5. Unique but not weird
This was so hard – you had to be different enough from the polo wearing posse to get noticed, but if you were too different you could forget about anyone ever taking you seriously.
Girls to this day – ages 8, 13, 18, 25, 45, and up – still want to be what boys want them to be. They forget their sense of self just because they’re single and aren’t getting a lot of attention.
I still find myself being guilty of it, trying to seem like someone I’m not just to reel someone in for a little while. Self love can be preached every hour of every day, but so many people believe you need someone to love you in order to love yourself. In reality, being yourself is what is going to get boys to like you. At least the ones that matter.