Why All Girls Are Players- Even If They Don’t Know It

“Boys will be boys” is a frequently used phrase – but no one ever really talks about how girls will be girls.

Girls are taught at a young age how to get what they want. We are told that when boys are mean, they like us. We are told that being pretty will get you pretty far in life. So do your hair, put on your make up, and always look your best. We are taught that we hold a special power over men – you just have to figure it out.

And although we are still often treated as the lesser sex, we do hold a lot of power. A lot of us have learned to harness that power in order to not be the lesser sex.

Yet the boys that will be boys are always the ones that are called out for playing games. For being a player, a bad guy, a phony.

But we all do it – girls just do it in a trickier way.

We don’t openly go around flirting with others and cheating on people and flaunting our power – we do it slyly. We gain all our power through quiet games instead of loud movements.

It’s exhausting though, to always feel you have to be a certain way to get the attention you need. To be constantly playing games because it’s our only chance of survival. Guys play games for fun  – we play them just to even the playing field.

Whether you know it or not – you’re probably a player. Any time you’re trying to level yourself out by upping your game and being someone other than yourself to get what you want – you’re being a player. It may not be a bad thing, because it may be necessary. But just remember your true self is great, too, and when you get tired of playing you can just be yourself.

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photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/my-other-eye/

An Open Letter To My High School Self

Dear high school me,

High school is a scary time. Everyone is going through incredible changes, yourself included. New things are introduced and new interests gain importance. There are so many people who are older than you and know more than you. And you’re in this little building with them, there to learn from them in the classroom and stand next to them in the hallways.

Keep your eyes open always. Because change isn’t always a good thing, new experiences aren’t always good experiences. The things they taught you about drugs, alcohol, and sex – that stuff happens in real life and it’s happening right in front of you. But don’t get sucked up into it. Make a list of priorities and keep looking back at it.

True friends are hard to find, but when you find them hold on tight. Your family doesn’t understand you right now and you don’t understand them – but one day you will. One day it will all make sense again. Keep them by your side.

Trust yourself more than you ever trust anyone else. There will always be people with false motives. There will always be things you desperately want and people will take advantage of that. Don’t lose sight of yourself, even if you see everyone around you getting lost. Even if everyone around you seems to know what they’re doing. Put yourself first in the times you need to.

Never put a boy first. It’s so easy to in a time where you feel like an ugly duckling, or you don’t feel cool enough, smart enough, skinny enough, brave enough. The people who look out for you are people you will always need. And that may be a boy for some time, but you can’t forget about anyone else. Because if there’s an end, it will be just you standing alone.

Lastly, know it gets better. If you don’t who you are right now then you’ll get there eventually. If your friends don’t care enough about you, soon you will find people who will. Cling to the things that are being taught to you – by teachers or otherwise. The insight you will gain in high school is so important. Whether your experience is amazing or straight up shitty, there is always something you can take away from it.

Look for it and learn from it.

Love always,

22 year old me

photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/77353192@N06/
photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/77353192@N06/

10 Times Happily Single Girls Aren’t Actually Happy

1. When you’re lazy and bored at the same time

I want someone to entertain, but I don’t want to get out of bed or stop watching Netflix.

2. When all of your friends are going on a couple’s retreat

They invite you but you’re just going to be trying to meet other people while consistently going home alone so…

3. When you’re hungry and have no one to eat with

You want to get out of your sweatpants and go to a sit-down restaurant but you’re just alone and get two large Wendy’s fries to go instead.

4. When something unreal exciting happens.

There’s not really anyone you can immediately text or kiss or hug or ya know.

5. When your summer wanderlust is biting at you.

I want to go to this museum, this amusement park, and to see this movie so who can I force to come with me?

6. When you’re singing along to love songs but you’re not in love

Well this is kind of depressing.

7. When you’re sick and rolled up like a burrito in your bed but can’t reach the advil.

Can someone bring me soup? And medicine? And cuddles? And maybe a cure for this cold?

8. When you don’t want to go out and get black out drunk with your friends

No matter who your friends are, I’m sure their bad influences and your boyfriend/girlfriend would be a better one.

9. When you’re tired of mediocre people who last a couple weeks in your life

Maybe I could find someone who lasts a couple months?

10. When you just want someone to be there

Like having a pet, but it’s less frowned upon when you’re super attached to them.

photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/mikedorokhov/
photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/mikedorokhov/

Making The First Move

Guys deserve a lot of credit for making the first move.  It’s just what is expected in society, that guys will approach a girl first. They’ll ask for their number and have to make the phone call. They ask her to dance or out on a date. It’s mostly all up to the guy to move something forward.

That takes a lot of guts.  You are pushing all of your insecurities behind a mask to make a good impression on someone.  And if they don’t like you? Was it your hair, did you smell, did you say the wrong thing? You’re putting your whole self esteem on the line.  Girls can be too fragile to do something like that (unless we’re drunk) because we are constantly being shamed by society. I can’t even imagine all the thoughts and emotions that would flood a girl’s head after being rejected when making the first move. I’m sure guys experience a whole lot of emotions and thoughts too, so like I said, I give them credit.

I don’t know if that’s something we should take entirely personally. Sure, someone is making a snap judgement on you but there are so many variables that could be put into place.  The person you’re hitting on could be in a relationship, they could be in a tough place in their life, they could forget you met, they could just not feel the vibes, or you’re not their type.  There are so many reasons not to take rejection personally.  Therefore, I think we should all put our hearts on the line a little more often.

As a girl, I have on many occasions bought someone a drink or told them they were cute to get them to come talk to me. Many of these times were promoted by liquid courage, but it’s something I would like to be able to accomplish sober. Why should it bother me that someone didn’t like me?  I don’t like everyone I meet either.   They say if you never try then you’ll never succeed – so give it a shot and make the first move.

photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/thomashawk/
photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/thomashawk/

Can You Lose The Ability To Fall In Love?

Little girls grow up watching fairytales.  They see prince charming saving the princess and ultimately think that something like that will happen to them one day.

As a young teenager, we think having a boyfriend will solve all of our problems.  We want to have our first kiss and fill the gap in our hearts that we’ve been filling with angsty music and not-so-real reality tv.

I fell in love (using this term loosely because who the hell knows if I was in love or not) when I was 16 and really did think it solved all of my problems. My relationship got me through my weird high school years of not so great friends and not so close family.  It got me through my first very scary year of college. It definitely did not solve all of my problems.

I fell out of love (again, loosely) over a year ago. And I have felt nothing of the sort ever since.

People will say that after a break up, you need to go through your rebound phase and get everything out of your system before you can consider a relationship again. Then, you just need to find the right person and everything will fall into place.

I never thought finding the right person would be so hard. I did the rebound phase and kind of, sort of, tried to seriously date but I could never get myself to stay around long enough.

We all make excuses.  I’m in college and now isn’t the right time.  I just got out of a relationship and now isn’t the right time. I’m still young and graduated and now isn’t the right time.

Are they all just excuses for the fact that you can lose the ability to fall in love after getting your heart broken?  Even if you close your eyes and believe really hard that a fairytale ending is coming your way – what if you already lost all of that princess spark inside of you that was going to make that possible.

photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/camdiluv/
photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/camdiluv/

Being Second Best

Who doesn’t like to win? We are wired to be the best we can be and it’s a very disrupting feeling to know you’re coming in second to someone – especially in relationships.

It’s a hookup culture, we know that a lot of people are hooking up with more than one person at a time.  We accept it, because we’re probably doing it too.  What hurts is knowing you are not someone’s number one choice.

You could get cheated on.  You could be the person being held on the back burner while the person you like is in a relationship.  You could be the second option when it comes to a booty call. You could be the afterthought. 

All of these things and more will make you believe that you are second best.  If you get cheated on, you’ll believe it’s because someone else is better than you.  Someone made a greater offer, was prettier, or smarter – just overall better than you.

You could be held on the back burner, even participate in someone’s cheating in their relationship. But if you were the one they wanted to be with, you would be.  There’s obviously someone else who means more.

You probably know when you’re hooking up with someone if they are also hooking up with other people.  You’re not the first call, there was someone more worthy than you.  But you were just more available.

Overall, it sucks to be the second option – so don’t make yourself the second option.  If your crush wants someone else, let them have it.  Don’t be the rag doll to be picked up and played with sporadically.  It may make you feel good for a while – to have your first choice pick you first for once too – but it will only make you feel worse in the end.  You’ll never come in first to these people, at least not morally. Come first in your own life and find someone who will always make you feel like you’ve won.

photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/128539140@N03/
photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/128539140@N03/

Why Your Best Friends Are Your Actual Soulmates

How many times have we heard the Sex and the City quote:  “Maybe our girlfriends are our soulmates and guys are just people to have fun with.”

photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/jessevaughan/
photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/jessevaughan/

It really couldn’t be more true. I spent a large part of my young life in a relationship that I used to replace friendships.  My high school friends weren’t all that great and when a boy who cared about me came along, I used it as an excuse to get out of friendships that weren’t going anywhere anyway.

It all changed when I went to college and when I became single.

Never in a million years did I think that I would have the friends I have now.  They are beautiful people who are always right behind me, ready to push me up when I’m about to fall.  Friends are your true soulmates because in a relationship or not, they will always be there.

I’ve found myself, as a single gal, doing things with my friends that most people do with their significant other.  Going out to dinner, to the movies, and on adventures aren’t solely activities that can be done with a boyfriend or girlfriend. In the lull between relationships, friends will be there to watch Netflix with you and binge eat Dominos pizza with you because they want to.  When you are in a relationship, friends will still be on the sideline, stepping in every so often.

Your friends hang out with you because they love you and think you’re a good time. They don’t have to pencil you into their schedule.  There is no sense of obligation when your friends are your soulmates because you always want to see them.

You don’t need them all the time, but they’re always there when you need them.  There is an amount of love that doesn’t need to be spoken, but can be felt every time you’re crying from laughing so hard or laughing after you’re done drunkenly crying too hard. Not every friend deserves the label of “soulmate”, but to those who find their true soulmates – you are one of the luckiest people in the world.