When Is It Okay To Be Selfish?

When I was single, I decided that I was tired of being screwed over by putting other people first and getting nothing back. I decided that I needed to find my happiness alone and it wasn’t fair when people tried to get in the way and hinder that happiness. I decided to be selfish.

And it worked out so well for me. I became a healthier and happier person and didn’t let anyone get in my way. It was a couple of the best years of my life.

But now that I’m in a relationship, it doesn’t seem okay to be selfish anymore. Because when you care about someone, you want to do what you can for them and sometimes that means sacrificing things for yourself. But is that okay?

Or can we still be a little selfish. In the end, should we always put ourselves first? I feel like we should because when it comes down to it all, all we really have that is 100% guaranteed is ourselves. But then we feel bad for being this way. And how can you even be selfish when all you feel is guilty?

When you’re in a relationship, is it still okay to be as selfish as you were when you were single or should you really sacrifice some of your happiness for someone else’s?

hc
photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/white_ribbons/

My Millennial Work Ethic

The stereotypical millennial is lazy, entitled, ruining relationships, and most of the things that were built for us. This stereotype mostly comes from the fact that we do things differently than our parents.

I went to college, got an internship when I graduated, got a job then got a better job. Not exactly what I call lazy. I started paying off my stereotypical millennial student loans and immersed myself into the 9-5 culture.

And it’s not easy for me. It’s not easy to work 5 out of the 7 days a week, to work for most of your life, to make your job your (basically) number one priority. It’s not easy for me to wake up early in the morning then work nonstop until it’s time to go. You don’t go at your own pace, there is a schedule and rules and you are supposed to follow them.

So in some ways, I’m the stereotypical millennial who wants to make their own schedule and work from my bed. Is it realistic? No, but a girl can dream!

Just because we dream, doesn’t mean we’re lazy. And it doesn’t mean all of us have the same dream. I know many people who thrive in a pressured 9-5 environment, but I’m just a stereotypical millennial when it comes to this!

hc
photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/149902454@N08/

Leaving The Honeymoon Phase

The beginning of a relationship is full of smiles, laughs, and eyes for only each other. There are barely any fights and all you want is to be with each other all the time. It’s the honeymoon phase and though I know some people stay in it forever, most of us leave it behind after a year or so.

I think it’s even possible for one person in the relationship to still be in the phase while the other person has left. It probably causes a lot of turmoil, possibly ends relationships. Because at that point you’re wanting different things and it’s hard to make people budge on where they spend their time and how moon-eyed they are about you.

Realizing you’ve left the honeymoon stage is tough, because now there are bigger things to tackle. Now there are fights, now there is real life in front of you. It’s not all rainbows and butterflies anymore. You’ve been together for a while and it’s potentially the real deal. It’s potentially the time you need to contemplate if this is for you or not.

It can be such a pivotal moment but also a time where most of us relax with courting our partners. Where we give way to life and just go with the flow. When I see you, I’ll see you. Apologies for having to cancel. No more surprises. Two minds that became one start to separate.

Leaving the honeymoon phase is probably one of the hardest parts of a relationship, it’s a true test. All you can do is evaluate where you want to be and who you want to be with and make sure your partner is on the same page. The phase will come in and out over time, you just have to make sure you want to stick around for the next honeymoon.

hc
Photo by: http://www.christiancrush.com/relationships/couples-retreat-denver-co-colorado-springs-co.html

Losing Motivation

Lately, the goals I’ve set for myself have become harder and harder to reach. That could push some into working harder and hungrier to complete their list, but for me it’s just a disappointment.

I know numbers and milestones don’t mean everything in life, but they are a good motivator to always strive to be your best self. When those things don’t budge, it becomes easier to focus on all the things that are wrong rather than the many things that are right.

I’ve always been a big supporter of making goals to keep life interesting, even if it’s just very tiny attainable goals that will boost your ego a bit. And I’ve been making what I thought were attainable goals, but I still can’t seem to hit them. The thought of lowering the standards is depressing on top of the bummer it is that I can’t hit any of my goals in the  first place.

I’m losing motivation and I just need to suck it up and accept the fact that I need to go back to the basics, like I have to do with many things in my life right now. Because once I get into this funk there’s no way I can get out of it just by continuing down the same path. Sometimes we just have to admit defeat and start over, sometimes these experiences can be humbling, but they mostly just suck.

hc
photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/ptooey

Trying Out Stitch Fix

So, my sisters gave me a gift card to Stitch Fix for my birthday and I was pretty excited about it. I hate shopping mostly because I hate trying things on, so this seemed perfect. Stitch Fix evaluates your style and then sends you a box of clothes as often as you’d like to buy or send back. You pay a $20 styling fee and that will go towards anything you buy, but if you don’t buy anything you lose that $20 which stinks.

I got my first box over a month ago and was beyond excited only to be completely let down. I hated everything except for the sandals they sent me, which were just generic any girl would probably like them. The box seemed like it was picked out for a 40 year old mom with two kids. I questioned why I even bothered to fill out the style profile.

But I gave them another shot because getting packages excites me and I still had gift card money. The second box came and…I hated it. Same kind of style was sent to me again even though I sent specific feedback saying I wanted edgy styles and the clothes they sent me didn’t flatter me at all in both boxes. I did keep a pair of jeans which fit me beautifully, were a little pricey, but worth it because they’re my new favorite pair.

If I didn’t have money left on my gift card, I would have been out at this point. Why bother telling someone what you like if they aren’t going to bother to read it? They even have access to your Pinterest and Instagram. What does the $20 styling fee go towards if you aren’t actually tailoring the style to me?

I just got my third box and swear I fell in love with my stylist. They FINALLY listened to me and I liked every piece! You get 25% off if you buy all 5 pieces, but I only bought the 3/5 that I loved.

Overall, I think for $20 it’s fun to see what they will send you. If you want to check it out you can use my referral code here: https://www.stitchfix.com/referral/12689660?sod=w&som=c&str=17299.

I’m going to keep getting boxes because they really hit the nail on the head this time around, but if I get another total bummer then I will probably cancel. The clothes I got were worth signing up, for sure. Stay tuned 🙂 Let me know if you’re thinking of trying/have tried Stitch Fix!

The Hookup On: Updated Summer Bucket List

Summer is my favoriteeee season! Because summer is so different when you’re out of school and working, it took me a while to adjust to that summer, care-free feeling. Mostly because I still have a lot of cares, like a lot of them. But I’m making big plans and my list is below – what will you be doing this summer?

  1. Go Blonder
  2. Read 10 books
  3. Go to the gym frequently
  4. Visit 3 out of state locations
  5. Go hiking in 3 places
  6. Go kayaking
  7. Start taking more pride in my appearance
  8. Make more plans with friends
  9. Make content calendar for instagram
  10. Reach 2,000 WordPress followers
  11. Reach 7,000 Instagram followers
  12. Reach 550 likes on Facebook
  13. Find my independence
  14. Get a pet
  15. Keep my apartment clean for more than a week
  16. Visit Grounds for Sculpture
  17. Go to a sporting event
  18. Buy concert tickets
  19. Adjust my routine

Social Media Pressures

I love social media, I’ve loved it ever since I get tweets as texts to my flip phone and built up my Myspace profile to 4,000 friends.

I naturally became invested in becoming an Instagram influencer and blogger and I love making content and connecting with people. I work in communications. Social media is basically my life and to some that may be pathetic, but to me it’s what makes me happy.

Reaching people, being creative, and pushing myself for my passion is rewarding to me.

I know some people will say kids these days are attached to their phone, put their whole lives of Facebook, and are lazy and dramatic on the internet. But social media is so much more than that. It’s a connection, it’s an influence, it’s fun.

But social media also comes with a lot of pressure. You used to get judged by your in-person appearance, now you get judged on what you put on Facebook, your follower ratio on Twitter, and how many likes you get on Instagram. It’s all very overwhelming especially if you use social media professionally and personally like I do.

A month or two ago I realized how much it was all really impacting me. I was spending hours on Instagram, combing through hashtags and following people and creating perfect photos. And it started eating at me because I felt like my work wasn’t being rewarded. Social media is work for me and a passion project for me, but I recently lost all of the fun and the passion.

I would get visibly upset when I didn’t get any good photos from an event I went to, even if I enjoyed the event it would get overshadowed by lack of likes, the retweets, the comments.

I had to put my life back into perspective. My whole goal with my Instagram in the first place was to influence others to live their best lives, that they don’t have to be perfect but they can still have fun. I wanted others to follow me so I could inspire them. I wanted the likes and comments so I could reach more people. But I lost all of that to number goals and getting wrapped up in not being as good as everyone else.

Other bloggers have fancy cameras, perfectly coordinated shots, and tons of engagement. I don’t have that and it used to be okay because I wasn’t trying to be perfect. But it’s hard not to want to be what those bloggers are, to not compare yourself to their smiles and their lives.

So I’m going back to the basics, still working on growing my numbers but not getting physically upset over them. The goal was and is now again to show people that you can live your happiest life, you can travel and enjoy what you do even when you feel restricted. I want to inspire others and I can’t do that if I’m not inspiring myself first and shrugging off the social media pressure.

hc
photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/pustovit/