Doubting Myself

When I got the position I work in now, I simply told everyone that I was moving to take a new position. That I was staying with my company and doing a little bit more than I was doing before. I didn’t go around saying I got a promotion, I just didn’t see it like that.

It’s funny how much doubt we have in ourselves and how we truly fail to acknowledge our accomplishments. I always feel like I’ve just gotten lucky. But a promotion is a big deal, I should’ve celebrated with champagne and congratulations. I brushed it all off, though, I didn’t take the time to really appreciate my win.

When people took the time to dig a bit about my new job, I would then mention that it was a promotion. I was greeted with fist bumps, congrats, and kind words. Things I didn’t expect at all and things that truly made me feel good. Other people acknowledged my accomplishment, but I still didn’t see it that way because of all of my self doubt.

Writing this, I realize how little worth I apply to myself. How I made the move to New Hampshire alone and started a new job alone that I’m far from failing at. I actually feel at the end of each week I’m doing well, but I don’t do anything to celebrate that.

This weekend, I’m going to go out to dinner. I’m going to celebrate myself and my accomplishments. I’m going to put my doubts aside for a little bit and really recognize how far I’ve come. There aren’t many people who have done what I do at my age and it’s time I start giving myself more love.

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Photo by bruce mars on

Losing Who You Are

I just purged my closet. I gathered up at least 50% of the clothes I had and donated them. It seems a little drastic, but it needed to be done. I just don’t feel like myself anymore, I don’t even know who that person is.

I’ve gotten so caught up in so many webs. I’m tied to the version of myself that works a 9-5 job, the version of myself that is a friendly blogger, the version of myself that is a punk pop dork, the version of myself that kind of hates everyone, the version of myself that is a perfect girlfriend and dog mom, and the version of myself that just wants to lay in bed all day.

How can one person be pulled in so many different directions?

I looked at my closet and realized I didn’t identify with any of the clothing in there. I bought them because they’re work appropriate or because I see all the girls on Instagram wearing them. And then hidden inside were a few pieces that really felt like me and that just seemed wrong. Even if I’m going to be pulled in all of those directions, I can at least have a common thread.

So I bought a bunch of second hand clothes that felt like me (most of them in the color black…) and I’m starting fresh to find myself again. I have to admit I’ve been in an appearance slump for a while. I thought about drastically changing my hair, I’ve gone to the gym a lot more, but nothing was really hitting the spot for me. I also have to admit that I’ve been watching a lot of Queer Eye lately which has inspired me to stop being so hard on myself and to just try to love myself. Even if I have a thousand versions of me, I have to love my core.

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Photo by Tasha Kamrowski on

How To Actually Support Women

I think we talk a lot of talk about how we want men and women to be equal and many men say that they support women 100%. But I don’t think they really know what that support entails. I saw the following images on Twitter and was disgusted with the reaction from guys who are telling her to be more humble.


Because I have guys in my life telling me to be more confident, that I’m beautiful, that I should stop being so hard on myself. And I don’t believe them, I have a hard time accepting my appearance and if I say “thank you” to a compliment, I’m internally saying “you’re wrong.”

But the second a girl actually loves herself and gains confidence, men and women come out of the woodwork to tear her down. So which is it? You support us, but we shouldn’t get too ahead of ourselves?


If you want to actually support women, you have to accept them. This applies to men and women. You have to let them be themselves, love themselves. You can’t tear them down and call them sluts for sleeping with a few guys or call them egotistical for loving themselves. Because let’s be honest, if you’re posting a picture of yourself on snapchat you already know you look good in it. You have to accept that not all women are weak and in need of your help. But some are.

You have to support them all, not just the ones that fit the mold that you like.


Take More Selfies

It’s hard to be self-confident. I think it comes in waves, you feel really good about yourself then you all of a sudden feel really bad about yourself.

It’s harder after you graduate college, because you get way less attention than you ever did when you were young, flirty, and out every night surrounded by people. You’re just alone more in your mid-twenties and that results in less attention.

And if you’re not going to give yourself the love you need, then no one will. Sure, your coworker will compliment your dress and your mom will tell you that you look pretty today. If you go out with your friends every once in a while, they’ll tell you how great you look and you might get hit on at the bar.

But it’s not a guarantee that you’re going to get the gratification you need, that we all need.

So, take more selfies and learn how to make yourself feel good. Whether you’re slapping on a snapchat filter or taking it from your best angle – do what you have to do to give yourself the attention you need.

We all need a little confidence boost now and again, I’ve never seen taking lots of selfies as a negative thing. If you’re feeling yourself, then snap that pic and hype yourself up. You deserve it.


Love Yourself As Much As You Want To Be Loved

“Love yourself as much as you want to be loved” – the first time I read this quote, I thought it was so beautiful and so true. Self love is so important. But when I looked at it again, I realized what a challenge that could be.

Everyone wants a big love. I don’t care if you’re cynical, bitter, independent, or happy alone. When you watch a movie with a perfect fairytale romance, something deep inside of you aches a little.

We want the fireworks. We want the grand gestures, dramatic, butterflies in your stomach kind of love. Even if that love isn’t really real. We know relationships can be hard and take a lot of work. But we still want the fuzzy brain and heart thumping kind of love.

We never think about how we should have that kind of love for ourselves. And we never really work towards that huge of a love for ourselves. Everyone says it, to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with yourself. But have you really ever thought of loving yourself just as much as you want someone to love you?

You should get over the moon excited about your accomplishments. You should have butterflies in your stomach when you put on a pretty dress and look at yourself in the mirror. You should love yourself as much as you want someone else to love you.

I know it’s not easy, we often look for that kind of love in other people in order to feel it in ourselves. And that’s fine, but you should always continue to work on yourself and be happy with yourself -by yourself. You can be alone and be happy, you can be in love with someone else and in love with yourself. In fact, you should be – or at least be trying.

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I Don’t Know What I’m Doing And It’s Okay

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If you eliminated all the people in your life asking you questions, pressuring you, and telling you what to do – where would you be?

At one point in your life, you’re going to have to fake it until you make it. That point in your life might just be now, in your 20’s, when you literally have no idea what’s going on.

You don’t want to be living at home. You don’t know where you want to work, let alone get anyone to hire you. You thought you got everything together in your four years of college, but now you’re faced with a whole new challenge that no one prepared you for. Yeah, you knew you had to get a job and you knew you had to move home and you knew life wouldn’t be as fun – but you really didn’t expect you to hit you this hard.

People you graduated with are getting jobs and you see them announce it on Facebook. They’re posting pictures of their new apartments and awesome lives while you’re sitting on your couch binge watching another TV show and hoping your mom comes home with food.

Not even the people who look like they have it figured out actually have it figured out. I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone in my life who 100% has their life together. No one does, we all just keep going along with whatever is thrown at us. It’s okay to not know what you’re doing because literally no one else does either. We fake it until we make it until we kind of realize what we’re supposed to do with our life and how to get there.

So calm down, take your time, because you can do it. Just like everyone else.

Being Quick To Kiss

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When we were young and first being exposed to love, everything came so slowly.  You’d see a boy or girl you liked and instantly get this distant feeling of butterflies.  You’d hang out with that person amongst friends, look forward to seeing them in class, make sure everything was just right when you knew they’d be around.

Then slowly, you would hang out alone. You would break away from the crowd and sit next to each other when everyone was watching a movie together.  You’d start texting a little, because knowing everything about someone really wasn’t an option when we were doe-eyed freshman in high school.

One day, you’d kiss. And that would be it. You wouldn’t kiss and immediately expect more.  There was no need for going any further because the feeling of one kiss made your head buzz with a feeling of satisfaction.

Now, no one is going to walk you home from the bar at 2 AM just to give you a kiss and say good night. You won’t hang out with a boy or girl for weeks, making sure that everything is perfect when you know you’re going to run into them amongst friends.  Because you’re going to go on dates and dates end in being kissed and being kissed leads to so much more. Or you’re going to meet them drunk and reveal everything to them in one night.

Everything happens so fast. It’s not always a bad thing, though.  Not every person you meet is relationship material.  It just seems that if you’re not moving too quick to put a silent label on everything, then you’re moving too quick to make sure there is anything but a label on it.