How To Actually Support Women

I think we talk a lot of talk about how we want men and women to be equal and many men say that they support women 100%. But I don’t think they really know what that support entails. I saw the following images on Twitter and was disgusted with the reaction from guys who are telling her to be more humble.

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Because I have guys in my life telling me to be more confident, that I’m beautiful, that I should stop being so hard on myself. And I don’t believe them, I have a hard time accepting my appearance and if I say “thank you” to a compliment, I’m internally saying “you’re wrong.”

But the second a girl actually loves herself and gains confidence, men and women come out of the woodwork to tear her down. So which is it? You support us, but we shouldn’t get too ahead of ourselves?

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If you want to actually support women, you have to accept them. This applies to men and women. You have to let them be themselves, love themselves. You can’t tear them down and call them sluts for sleeping with a few guys or call them egotistical for loving themselves. Because let’s be honest, if you’re posting a picture of yourself on snapchat you already know you look good in it. You have to accept that not all women are weak and in need of your help. But some are.

You have to support them all, not just the ones that fit the mold that you like.

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Take More Selfies

It’s hard to be self-confident. I think it comes in waves, you feel really good about yourself then you all of a sudden feel really bad about yourself.

It’s harder after you graduate college, because you get way less attention than you ever did when you were young, flirty, and out every night surrounded by people. You’re just alone more in your mid-twenties and that results in less attention.

And if you’re not going to give yourself the love you need, then no one will. Sure, your coworker will compliment your dress and your mom will tell you that you look pretty today. If you go out with your friends every once in a while, they’ll tell you how great you look and you might get hit on at the bar.

But it’s not a guarantee that you’re going to get the gratification you need, that we all need.

So, take more selfies and learn how to make yourself feel good. Whether you’re slapping on a snapchat filter or taking it from your best angle – do what you have to do to give yourself the attention you need.

We all need a little confidence boost now and again, I’ve never seen taking lots of selfies as a negative thing. If you’re feeling yourself, then snap that pic and hype yourself up. You deserve it.

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Love Yourself As Much As You Want To Be Loved

“Love yourself as much as you want to be loved” – the first time I read this quote, I thought it was so beautiful and so true. Self love is so important. But when I looked at it again, I realized what a challenge that could be.

Everyone wants a big love. I don’t care if you’re cynical, bitter, independent, or happy alone. When you watch a movie with a perfect fairytale romance, something deep inside of you aches a little.

We want the fireworks. We want the grand gestures, dramatic, butterflies in your stomach kind of love. Even if that love isn’t really real. We know relationships can be hard and take a lot of work. But we still want the fuzzy brain and heart thumping kind of love.

We never think about how we should have that kind of love for ourselves. And we never really work towards that huge of a love for ourselves. Everyone says it, to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with yourself. But have you really ever thought of loving yourself just as much as you want someone to love you?

You should get over the moon excited about your accomplishments. You should have butterflies in your stomach when you put on a pretty dress and look at yourself in the mirror. You should love yourself as much as you want someone else to love you.

I know it’s not easy, we often look for that kind of love in other people in order to feel it in ourselves. And that’s fine, but you should always continue to work on yourself and be happy with yourself -by yourself. You can be alone and be happy, you can be in love with someone else and in love with yourself. In fact, you should be – or at least be trying.

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photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/brennadphoto/

I Don’t Know What I’m Doing And It’s Okay

photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/orangegreenblue/
photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/orangegreenblue/

If you eliminated all the people in your life asking you questions, pressuring you, and telling you what to do – where would you be?

At one point in your life, you’re going to have to fake it until you make it. That point in your life might just be now, in your 20’s, when you literally have no idea what’s going on.

You don’t want to be living at home. You don’t know where you want to work, let alone get anyone to hire you. You thought you got everything together in your four years of college, but now you’re faced with a whole new challenge that no one prepared you for. Yeah, you knew you had to get a job and you knew you had to move home and you knew life wouldn’t be as fun – but you really didn’t expect you to hit you this hard.

People you graduated with are getting jobs and you see them announce it on Facebook. They’re posting pictures of their new apartments and awesome lives while you’re sitting on your couch binge watching another TV show and hoping your mom comes home with food.

Not even the people who look like they have it figured out actually have it figured out. I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone in my life who 100% has their life together. No one does, we all just keep going along with whatever is thrown at us. It’s okay to not know what you’re doing because literally no one else does either. We fake it until we make it until we kind of realize what we’re supposed to do with our life and how to get there.

So calm down, take your time, because you can do it. Just like everyone else.

Being Quick To Kiss

Photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/skohlmann/
Photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/skohlmann/

When we were young and first being exposed to love, everything came so slowly.  You’d see a boy or girl you liked and instantly get this distant feeling of butterflies.  You’d hang out with that person amongst friends, look forward to seeing them in class, make sure everything was just right when you knew they’d be around.

Then slowly, you would hang out alone. You would break away from the crowd and sit next to each other when everyone was watching a movie together.  You’d start texting a little, because knowing everything about someone really wasn’t an option when we were doe-eyed freshman in high school.

One day, you’d kiss. And that would be it. You wouldn’t kiss and immediately expect more.  There was no need for going any further because the feeling of one kiss made your head buzz with a feeling of satisfaction.

Now, no one is going to walk you home from the bar at 2 AM just to give you a kiss and say good night. You won’t hang out with a boy or girl for weeks, making sure that everything is perfect when you know you’re going to run into them amongst friends.  Because you’re going to go on dates and dates end in being kissed and being kissed leads to so much more. Or you’re going to meet them drunk and reveal everything to them in one night.

Everything happens so fast. It’s not always a bad thing, though.  Not every person you meet is relationship material.  It just seems that if you’re not moving too quick to put a silent label on everything, then you’re moving too quick to make sure there is anything but a label on it.

“I Don’t Know” Isn’t An Answer

I want to start living a more definite life.

I don’t know’s, maybe’s, possibly’s and eventually’s just aren’t cutting it anymore. The questions that come up in life can’t be answered with an “I don’t know.”  That is our way of avoiding the question and putting off making an actual decision.

My ex used to answer most of my questions with an “I don’t know.”  It started as him saying no to me about going to a party with me or coming to a dinner he couldn’t attend.  When I would explain (or throw a fit) about how important the event was to me, he would say “I don’t know” or “I’ll let you know” instead of saying no to me again.  The answer always ended up being no, but he didn’t want to make me unhappy.  It inevitably ended up with me asking if our relationship was over and he would respond “I don’t know.”  This left me clinging on to something I thought was alive, but he knew was dead.

We’re afraid of hurting people, making the wrong choice, and just in general screwing up our lives.  Because of this fear, we leave everything up in the air until we’re forced to deal with it.

I became really unsure of my feelings throughout college and dealt with many things with an “I don’t know.” Did I want to hang out with a boy this weekend? I don’t know (because I don’t know if I’ll have met someone else by then). Do you want to be in a relationship? I don’t know right now (because you clearly aren’t the one).

I left a lot of people hanging and left myself hanging. I don’t want to live my life by avoiding my issues and not addressing my problems.  I don’t want to put things off until later and feel so much anxiety when I reach that point.  It’s a “yes” or it’s a “no” – I don’t know isn’t an answer anymore.

photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/brandoncwarren/
photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/brandoncwarren/

Dad Bods, Man Buns, and Facial Hair

It’s funny to watch styles come and go. Even funnier when we begin to popularize things with names such as “dad bods” and “man buns.” Not sure if you want to go down the man bun, dad bod, or facial hair path? Here’s some opinions on the three:

Dad Bods:

By definition – someone who has the body of a dad. It’s a guy who is a little on the softer side, proud of his gut, sporting a little muscle, and built for comfort.

Those who enjoy dad bods say:

It gets a little annoying when a guy is overly obsessed with going to the gym, eating healthy, and having the perfect physique. If they care that much about what they look like, they’re definitely going to care about what you look like. The dad bod lovers want their men looking like they can father children, drink a six pack, and sometimes do manly things outdoors. Plus, who doesn’t love something soft to cuddle with?

Those who aren’t huge fans of the dad bods say:

If I’m busting my butt to look cute, so should my guy! The gals against dad bods want someone who takes care of themselves a little more.  They can lift things, have leaner or sculpted bods, and are a little more clean cut than the dudes with dad bods.

Man Buns:

By definition – a man bun is a man with their hair in a bun. First seen on Europeans and soccer players, the man bun has gained its popularity through sports players and rugged models/actors.

Those who dig the man bun say:

The guys who did it originally and have rocked the style, can actually rock it. They have the scruff and the bod that lead to a perfect boho and indie look. With the right Instagram filter, a guy with a man bun looks as if he lives an active and wild lifestyle that you could be a part of!

Those for chopping off the man bun say:

There are a few things man buns go with and don’t go with.  They do not go with dad bods, they do go with facial hair.  Too many man bun wannabes are attempting this style with clean shaven faces and messy hair or messy hair with a messy bod.  Chop it off, take a shower, look like you put some effort into yourself besides sticking your weird straight hair into an attempted half-pony.

Facial Hair:

There are mustaches, beards, goatees, chin straps, sideburns, and all of the above combined!

Those who like the scruff say:

The more a man looks like he lives in a cabin in the woods, chops wood, and drinks whiskey for breakfast, the better! A guy with facial hair gives off the manly man vibe. Plus, if it’s well taken care of it’s sooo soft!

Those who want a clean shave say:

They want a baby face.  The cavemen-esque style just doesn’t cut it for them because it kind of looks like you’re a little dirty. As stated before, they want some effort in your appearance. Facial hair can also cause some irritation during a long make out sesh.

photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/defekto/
photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/defekto/

Here’s a disclaimer though: if you like the way it looks then continue to rock it! Always do what makes you happy.