The Courage It Takes To End A Relationship

When break ups happen, I think the person who did the breaking up is often overlooked. The person who got broken up with must be so shattered, must need tons of support – but, no one stops to think about how hard it really is to break up with someone.

It takes a lot of courage to end something that has been so important to you. To cut ties with someone you loved, someone whose family has become your family, someone who knows everything about you. It takes courage to flip your life upside down because even though you’re not happy in the relationship, how do you know you’ll be happy outside the relationship?

And while it’s hard to get broken up with, it’s so hard to smash the heart of someone you care so deeply about. For a lot of people, it’s hard to be selfish and put yourself first and realize that the relationship isn’t making you happy anymore.

A lot of people would rather stay in a bad relationship forever than go through all that. They’d rather just settle than face the confrontation. I can’t blame them, especially if it’s just a fizzled relationship. Where there’s no reason to leave, but there’s also really no reason to stay.

I think it takes courage to end a relationship and start over. I admire the people who take this huge step because I know it could not have been an easy one for them. And I hope that everyone has enough self-awareness to get themselves out of something that’s making them unhappy.

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Mid-relationship Crisis

A mid-life crisis is an emotional crisis of identity and self-confidence that can occur in early middle age. So I think that would make a mid-relationship crisis an emotional crisis of identity and self-confidence that can occur in early mid-relationship.

And shout out to whoever googled the term “mid-relationship crisis” and somehow got to my blog and inspired this blog idea.

I think it’s very easy to have an identity crisis in a relationship. Before I started dating my current boyfriend, I had been single for years and even living by myself. I had become very independent, which isn’t quite like me, but I enjoyed it. But then we started dating and mostly everything became about us.

It’s not a bad thing to invest your time and emotions in someone else and of course the beginning of a relationship will be so happy and sweet you won’t want to tear yourself away from it. But as the relationship progresses, you may begin to lose your independence. You may be giving up parts of yourself and you might not even notice. And these things are mostly because you allowed yourself to do it, not because your partner forced you to.

All of a sudden, you realize you barely see or talk to your friends anymore because your significant other kind of satisfies the role of a friend. And you stop making the gym and eating healthy a priority because it’s so fun to come home and chill on the couch with snacks and your boyfriend. You stop putting in a lot of effort towards how you look because you see the same people every day anyway, why does it matter?

They are little things that can build up and cause an identity crisis which can cause a mid-relationship crisis and make you think you need to call it quits for everything in your life to be better again. But that’s not always the case.

You can be independent in a relationship and even if you lose it for a little while, you can always get it back. Everyone at some point freaks out about their relationship whether it’s the commitment, longevity, fear of losing someone, etc. Assess your own happiness and decide whether this crisis really needs drastic measures or just a step back into your old comfort zone.

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I Don’t Believe In Soulmates

My high school boyfriend and I once laid in the grass on a baseball field at night looking up at the stars and he told me I was his soulmate…..gag.

I don’t believe in there being only one person out there for you. That there is one person that your soul is destined for and you better find them or you’re just screwed.

I am very happy in the relationship I’m in, but if for some reason we broke up, I’d be able to move on. I could get someone to date me – but they might not necessarily be right for me.

Because what are the chances that my soulmate was waiting for me right here in New Jersey where I’ve been here all along? That out of allllll the people in the world, your soulmate was just right in front of you at your gym, your college, your high school. There are so many people in the world, so many people that could be a good potential match for you.

But if you find someone you like, who you have common interests with, who treats you right and is in the right place at the right time – you can make them your soulmate. The gods didn’t put you together, there is no invisible string in the universe that attaches you. We make it work with the people that work. Timing, effort, and compatibility are extremely important when it comes to the person you’re going to spend your life with. It’s not fate, you just met someone who you enjoy spending time with and you fought to stay with them.

I don’t believe in soulmates, but I believe in love. I believe that if it’s meant to be, it will be and if it doesn’t work out, there’s probably a good reason for it. Do you believe in soulmates?

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The Hookup On: Sexual Health Awareness Month

This is a sponsored post. All opinions are mine.

If you’ve been following my blog long enough, you’ll know that my blog name used to be Hookup Culture. I primarily wrote about relationships and the single life and I still incorporate those topics into my writing today. September is Sexual Health Awareness Month and while I’ve talked a lot about dating and doing your own thing, I haven’t talked a lot about safety.

I have no judgement when it comes to how you choose to live your romantic life, but I will judge you a little bit if you decide not to take care of your health. The fact is, getting checked for STD’s should be as normal and common as getting a physical or going to the dentist. It’s just another part of your health that you need to take care of.

There is a stigma around it, though. As if getting tested means admitting that you’re dirty or you sleep around too much. But whether it’s 1 or 100 partners, you should get tested and you should mind your health. Ignore that very dumb and very outdated stigma because there is nothing wrong with making sure your body is 100%.

But I know that it can be awkward in the doctor’s office to go through this process. There are other options like STDCheck.com. At STD Check, you only need to visit a lab for a blood and urine sample and then you’re emailed your results in 1-2 days.

STD’s don’t just happen to young people or old people, they don’t just happen to people who have slept around, and they aren’t something that you want to ignore. This September, please keep your health a priority and get checked.

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What It Really Means To Love Someone

I will first start out by saying, everyone loves differently. So I can’t speak for everyone, but I can try to speak generically.

Loving someone doesn’t mean saying “I love you” every morning, evening, and night. It doesn’t mean spending all your free time together and thinking about them every minute of the day. It doesn’t mean falling asleep in each other’s arms or getting them the most extravagant gift for your anniversary.

If some of those things apply to you, that’s all nice and good.

But loving someone means not being that grossed out by all their gross habits. It means thanking them for going the extra mile for you when you’re tired after a long day at work. It means thinking of them a few times a day and being able to go a few days without them, but being so happy when they finally come home. It’s about sacrificing time in your day to pick up the groceries so they don’t have to or walking the dog in the morning so they can sleep a little longer.

Loving someone is about constant care, work, effort, and appreciation. It’s not about getting the perfect photo for Instagram and explaining to everyone why you both love each other SO much. While everyone loves each other differently, loving someone rarely means the things you can see from the outside. It’s everything inside that goes unnoticed by everyone except you two.

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What I’ve Learned After 2 Years Of Being In A Relationship

Our two year anniversary of dating is next week! For a reflection of what I learned after one year, click here.

I learned a lot about myself when I was single, I’ve never been one to jump from serious relationship to serious relationship. I think self exploration can be done in a relationship, it’s just harder. The first year of our relationship involved a lot of learning curves for me, I had been single and independent for a long time and was badly burned after my last relationship. As we approach our two year anniversary, I was given more time for self exploration and growth. Here’s what I learned after two years of being in a relationship.

  1. It’s okay to be afraid of big steps. We moved in together, we got a dog, I freaked out. But that’s okay.
  2. Nothing has changed, communication is HUGE. If you are freaking out, you need to tell your partner. They should understand, they should be the one who is able to help you.
  3. Make time for your friends. There are just some things your boyfriend will never understand. It’s important to have at least one other person to confide in.
  4. Things will easily start to get boring in the relationship. The simple thing to do most nights is to plop on the couch and watch Netflix. Put in the effort, switch things up, don’t let it get mundane.
  5. It’s normal to have relationship doubts. Some people just have a harder time settling than other people. If you know yourself, you should know when your doubts are valid or not.
  6. Alone time is still very important.
  7. The longer you’re with someone, the more you think about the future. And the more the future becomes about “us” and not “me”.
  8. No one is as perfect as they look on social media. We bicker – a lot. It’s healthy.
  9. At the end of the day, love isn’t Romeo and Juliet and dying for someone. It’s choosing to be with the person who you like spending time with – every day with – who you don’t actually hate ever.
  10. Take everything at your own pace. It may seem like you NEED to follow the steps of getting engaged, moving in together, getting married, and having kids. But just because that’s the normal plan doesn’t mean it’s your plan.

Let me know how long you’ve been in a relationship for and your biggest piece of advice in the comments! 🙂

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