Why I Don’t Care

I know how to make decisions.  I know how to end things when they are going badly and I know how to determine what is making me happy and what is not.

Sometimes, though, those decisions are made and some time will pass. That “goodbye” gets twisted up into a bunch of nostalgic feelings that make me want to say “hello” again.  I’ll dip my toes back in the pool, only to get a harsh and cold reminder as to why I left in the first place.

I get moments of caring, but for the most part I don’t care anymore.

The reasoning behind not caring about past relationships falls on the fact that I was either hurt by someone else or I realized I was hurting myself too much or hurting someone else.  It makes it easy to let go of things when they cause more pain than love.

When I see your pictures, even though I miss you, I just feel disgust.  When I think of our time together, even though it was fun, I only feel embarrassment. When I see your friends out and about, even though we used to be friends too, I only feel shame. When I think about rekindling an old flame, I only feel pain – and that’s why I don’t care.

I don’t care if you have a new girlfriend or if you’re having more fun without me.  I don’t care if you cheated on me or said awful things about me.  I don’t care if you yelled at me or I screamed at you. I don’t care because it’s easier not to care than to feel heartbreak all over again.

photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/henrie/
photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/henrie/

To Those Who Self Sabotage

photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/european_parliament/
photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/european_parliament/

In most cases, you are your own worst enemy.

Someone who self sabotages knows what they want and have all the means to get it.  For instance, they are on their way into a great relationship and actively do something so that relationship never begins.  Usually they do this because something in their past is subconsciously affecting how they think now.

If you self sabotage, you probably have problems managing your emotions or thoughts.  I’m a classic over thinker, myself. Every time something good comes my way I start to question everything about it.  Is this really what I want? Will I succeed or will I fail? What if something else comes along?

It’s hard to identify when you are self sabotaging.  Mostly because you’ve put so much thought into your life that you’ve convinced yourself that your decisions are correct.  I repeatedly convince myself that i’m making the right decision after completely overthinking it – but on a day to day basis, I shouldn’t have to be putting so much thought into something that could be so easy.

All you can ever do is learn from your mistakes.  Identify how you are self sabotaging and figure out the best way to stop it according to you.  I’ve learned to stop self sabotaging in most aspects of my life, but am still working on forming relationships.

Ask yourself questions, but don’t overthink.