Do What You Have To After A Break Up

How do I know when a girl just went through a break up? She starts posting selfies, deep quotes and poetry, and sharing Thought Catalog articles about how being alone is better (at least share my blog posts guys, come on). And then all of her relationship pictures start to fade from her social media. Her profile picture changes to a solo pic or a photo of a girl’s night out. And the status quietly changes to single.

It’s all a little cliche. That whole dying your hair a wacky color after a break up to try to change your identity. People talk about it all the time and poke fun at the girls having their poetry induced break through. They talk about how much she’s changed and how funny it is that she never used to act that way.

Well, they change because break ups change you. They force you to look at yourself as a lone person and understand who you truly are. Maybe you are a blonde at heart, a party girl, or an independent being.

Who cares what anyone else thinks? As if they’ve never had a life shattering break up, as if they’ve never hit their single and ready to mingle phase.

We’re all guilty of it, and even if we weren’t, girl, DO YOU! Do what you have to to find yourself,  to feel better and move on. If you have to make out with a lot of people, do it. If you have to talk crap on your ex, do it. If it makes you feel better I did it on a blog for all of the world to see, you can just do it in a group chat. Or start a blog. Why not?

If you have to share poetry about fueling your fucking fire, shout out Christopher Poindexter, then DO it. No one can tell you how to heal. Don’t ever feel silly about the things you are doing to better yourself and move on. I’m rooting for you and every girl who has had their life changed by a break up is rooting for you.

hc
Photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/samuelyoo/

Accepting Break Up Blame

I don’t like my exes, not a single one of them. My relationships/spurts of dating/long-time hook ups ended poorly often. I might’ve not liked them even before we broke up. Sometimes I stopped liking them during the break up process. Other times, we were friendly for a while, but I ultimately stopped liking them. Mostly due to resentment over any mistrust, being cheated on, or just seeing them be happy when they didn’t let me be happy or caused me to be unhappy for a while.

You may think that because I don’t like them, it probably means they did something wrong. And that’s true, but the bad blood doesn’t fall all on them. As much as I’d like to sit here and play victim, I wasn’t always innocent.

I didn’t cheat, I didn’t intentionally try to hurt people, but I did let things go on longer than they should’ve. I did put a lot of time into things I knew weren’t going to work, did act one way and say the opposite.

I accept some of the break up blame. In most cases, I did the breaking up because I either recognized my faults in the relationship or the guy I was dating at the time did something to screw everything up.

I’ve written a lot about my exes, I’ve written a lot about how much I resent them and how far I’ve come since them. But I’ve shrugged off a lot of the blame until now. I might’ve not been the problem that caused us to break up, but I was part of the problem. All I can do now is move on and grow from it and wish them all the best of luck.

hc
photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/hernanpc/

My New Relationship Feels Familiar

My current boyfriend reminds me of my ex boyfriend. There are a lot of similarities between the two relationships that my head almost spins sometimes because it seems so familiar.

And I was kind of worried about that because my old relationship ended in an all out war of who could make the other person feel worse. My old relationship was emotionally scarring and unstable. My old relationship left me broken and scared. My old relationship sucked.

I was sitting here thinking about how I would like a lizard as a pet, maybe my boyfriend and I could buy one together. But it feels a little weird to me because I used to have a lizard as a pet, my ex and I bought one together.

Coincidentally, both guys like lizards.

But it’s not a coincidence to like someone who has things in common with me. I felt all of these similarities between this relationship and an old one, but really the similarities just have to do with me. I’ve found someone like my ex because I’ve found someone who I have a lot in common with.

And just because they both liked sports, tattoos, lizards, and some other silly things, doesn’t mean that the relationship is the same. This relationship is safe, trusting, open, honest, and loving. My old relationship was full of distrust, anger, and emotional abuse.

Duh, I have a type. And this looming feeling of similarities doesn’t have to be looming at all. It’s actually really cool that I found someone that I have stuff in common with that I can have a healthy relationship with. I didn’t date my ex for four years for no reason, it was because we had similar interests and therefore we had fun together.

My new relationship kind of reminds me of an old relationship, but better.

hc
Photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/super_pat/

That Was So Long Ago

Are you one of those people that sometimes stays up until 2 AM and thinks about that really embarrassing time that you jumped off the swings in preschool and everyone saw your teddy bear underwear?

I am and that’s a true story.

I think about the sad, bad, embarrassing moments a lot of the time and work myself into an anxiety about it. I’ll stay awake until the sun rises over something that happened years ago.

And I wonder why I’m even thinking about it or why it still matters, but I am and it does. Even though I can’t do anything about it now.

I can’t do anything about it now. That’s what I tell myself every night when I’m thinking too much or on my drive home from work when I had a bad day. It’s time to start over, it’s time to wipe the slate, its time to forget about it and try harder tomorrow.

Sometimes I get anxiety when ex boyfriends try to contact me. Because every single relationship ended badly and every single guy reminds me of that. But why does it matter? Why do I care? It was so long ago. I can’t do anything about it now.

And that’s my mantra to my anxiety. It was so long ago. I can’t do anything about it now. It doesn’t always work, but I’m learning not to sweat the little things or the little people.

It was so long ago that I dated that frat boy and made a fool out of myself. It was so long ago that I shut out my family in high school. It was so long ago that I slipped and fell in the middle of the student center during the lunch rush. It was so long ago, I can’t do anything about it now. I can only try to grow and be better.

hc
Photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/acousticskyy/

The Hookup On: Search Terms and Commonly Read Posts

Do I get some really weird search terms sometimes that direct people to my blog? Yes. But the most commonly searched and read articles are the following:

Chances you’ve already met your spouse:

I read that 82% of people meet their future spouse before they turn 16. I think a lot of other people have read this fake statistic too, I wrote about it here.

Dating someone with the same name as your ex:

I momentarily ran into this problem and it can get a little weird. It’s an easy problem for anyone to run into – you can read my solution here.

Hookup culture:

What is the hookup culture? Why is that your blog name? All the answers to your questions can be found here.

How do introverts flirt?:

Us introverts are a special breed of human. We’re pretty weird and pretty awkward and it can be hard to tell if we’re flirting. Here’s some helpful hints.

Things vegetarians are tired of hearing:

No, we don’t miss eating steak. Please stop waving your food in my face. And other frustrations can be read here.

Stop impressing others:

We all get caught up in impressing others rather than ourselves. You can read about it here.

Getting ghosted after a hookup:

It happens to the best of us, we go on a date or hook up with someone and never hear back from them. Here’s a quick read on ghosting.

I’ll also see things along the lines of trying to find a hook up on snapchat or instagram. I also will see just other very random things that I’m not sure what you’re looking for but I found it on my blog. As always, I write to help people as well as myself. So this link round up of my most commonly searched and read blog posts may help you – it definitely reminded me of a thing or two 🙂

hc

Visit Your Past, But Don’t Live In It

There are three kinds of people. The people who live in the past, the people who live in the present, and the people who live in the future.

I don’t think many people live in the present. It’s very hard to be completely aware of the moment you’re in when you have years of junk from the past filling your head and years of wants in the future to look ahead to. I applaud the people who live in the present, the ones who are appreciating the life they are currently living.

The people who live in the future face a lot of anxiety because there is so much unknown and they just want to know it all. They have so many desires and so much to work toward that they forget there is a life to be lived right now, in this exact moment.

The people who live in the past tend to ache for something that once was,  but will probably never be again. They get caught up in it and stop moving forward because they’re reaching so far in the past. It hinders them.

It’s fine to revisit your past every once in a while. It’s fine that a song reminds you of your ex boyfriend. It’s fine that a picture reminds you of broken friendships. But don’t dwell on those things – learn from them.

Happy memories as well as sad memories hold lessons that are so important for you to learn. Don’t let anyone tell you to get over it or move on if you’re still learning. But also don’t let yourself get caught up in a moment that you can’t change.

Continue to move forward, but don’t forget your past completely. Visit it, but don’t live in it. If you want something to change, then change it. If some memories are still painful, grow from them. If some things still make you smile, learn how to do that in your present.

There is so much that you have done and so much to be done, but remember to keep those lessons close to your heart to make your present as great as possible. Be grateful and be aware of your life – if you had happiness in the past you can surely have it right now, too.

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photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/inhisgrace/

8 Ways To Clean Up Your New Year

1.Go through your social media

Delete people you barely know and people who make a negative impact. I deleted 51 “friends” on Facebook and deleted like 3 picture albums. They were just part of the past that needed to be swept away.

2. Go through your phone.

I compulsively delete pictures and text messages daily. But if you’re not a weirdo like me, take some time to get rid of those texts you reread to make yourself feel bad and those pictures that don’t stir up good memories. And delete any contact in your phone that is unnecessary – I deleted 29 people from my contacts.

3. Go through your music.

Download the songs you’ve been dying to listen to and delete the ones that you constantly skip over. Get rid of the playlists made by exes and bring in the new.

4. Donate your old clothes.

I think I had two trash bags full of old clothes that I hadn’t worn in years. Get rid of the extra clutter and make room for your new gifts. Donate them to someone who needs them.

5. Physically clean something.

Vacuum your room and remove the 15 half empty water bottles from your car. Start fresh.

6. Get rid of the junk food.

Actually stick to your resolutions and clean out your snack cabinet.

7. Try a new work out.

Clean up your gym routine and try something new, no more half assed squats and a brisk walk on the treadmill.

8. Clean up your attitude!

Out with the negative, in the with positive. You had all of 2015 to wallow in the things that weren’t going right in your life. 365 days passed where you didn’t make a change. So do it now, there’s no better time to appreciate what you have and start living life with a different point of view.

hc
photo by: https://www.flickr.com/photos/100407711@N08/