How I’m Working On Mindfulness

I started doing yoga so I’m probably 10x more annoying than I was before. I’ve been seriously talking about my chi, my throat chakra, and mindfulness like all week.

Basically all that talk has come from me being more aware. I was fully aware of how stressed I was, what health problems I was having, and how I was feeling. But I had no clue how to fix any of it. I just felt stuck in this constant state of anxiety.

Then my yoga instructor described a situation to us. She said that she is often tailgated in traffic because she’s a slow driver. She made it so that now when this happens, there is a moment between the action and her reaction where she takes the time to stay calm. I don’t think many of us take a moment between the action and the reaction, we just ignite as soon as something happens.

I am working on being mindful. Because we so often go throughout our day and never think about why we are doing the things we do. Why did I get up for work this morning? Why did I eat so much crap after dinner? Why did I skip the gym? Why am I so tired? Why do I feel happy?

When you put reasoning and time into the way your feeling, it can help you to understand yourself better and to put more meaning into the activities in your life that seem mundane. So, I am trying to work on my mindfulness.

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Every Love Is Different

I think it’s pretty safe to say that love is the most complicated emotion. We’re never actually sure if we’re feeling it. It can be paired with hate or obsession or resentment. It can be overwhelming, consuming, and confusing.

Every love we ever encounter is different. The way you love your family is a bond. The way you love your friends can be similar to your family. The way you were in love in your first relationship can never be identically mimicked in your next.

And then you get confused, because this love doesn’t feel like your last love. This love doesn’t feel like anything you’ve ever felt before so how do you even know it’s love?

How do you know that you love someone? How do you know if someone is the love of your life? You can try to base it off experience, but chances are it won’t get you very far. Because every love is different.

Love comes with questions. All you can do is try and go with the flow, accept the fact that you’ve never felt this way before and you may never feel this way again. Don’t make comparisons constantly, because the way you feel now will never match up to the way you felt before when it comes to love. Sure, there will be tiny similarities. And those similarities will help guide you to knowing whether you’re in love or not.

But in the end, we just have to trust our heart. Which is the scariest thing to do when it can end up broken. Love isn’t always rational, clear, and concise. It is messy and blurry and a whirlwind of different emotions mushed up into one. But that’s what makes it great.

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Figuring Out Your Feelings

Do you ever get into a period of time where you’re at your highest of highs or lowest of lows? And that period of time lasts weeks or months or maybe even years. So when a different emotion comes up you’re not even really sure what it is.

That’s kind of what it’s like after you haven’t been in love for a while. You don’t know what it felt like or what it’s supposed to feel like. You’re not even sure what it’s like to be happy with someone else. You’re emotionally stupid and it’s extremely frustrating.

I feel like I momentarily shut off my emotions for like 3 years and that it may have caused a little bit of damage to how receptive I am to my emotions. I recognize sad, I recognize happy – but I don’t always understand where they are coming from. Why I’m sad or why I’m happy.

It turns into an extremely frustrating situation where I think things to death. I cause problems that are unnecessary and I feel helpless. All because I can’t read my own emotions.

A lot of us broken people put off feeling certain ways because it just feels better to feel nothing. It hurts less when you don’t care, when you don’t get emotionally attached.

But it’s hard to find and figure out those feelings again. All you know is what you knew before and that wasn’t necessarily the right situation for you. All I know is my last relationship, one that was extremely toxic and left me in such a lost state. Every feeling I feel now goes back to those feelings.

All in all, I never learned how to feel. I had these messed up emotions that I tucked away and when I took them back out I realized I’d never known how to use them in the first place.

Being emotionally stupid is hard because in most cases, you are the only one who knows what you’re feeling. And when you can’t explain those feelings it can become disastrous.

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Being In Love Vs. Being Comfortable

Relationships are hard for a number of reasons. They involve two people, each who has their own thoughts, feelings, and complicated structure. Two people that are trying to melt their lives into one. To have one set of thoughts, feelings, and one single complicated structure.

Sometimes it can be hard to find the person that’s right for you. Sometimes it can be so easy to fall in love. But the beginning of a relationship is rarely the hard part – the months and years and rest of your life that follows is the hard part.

You have to be so self aware. You have to constantly know how you’re feeling and how to talk about it so it doesn’t get in the way of anything. When you lose your self awareness and settle into the relationship bed you’ve made, problems can’t be identified anymore. You can’t see happiness or sadness or jealousy or rage. You just see your relationship and it is what it is.

Are you still in love or are you just comfortable? Sure, you can’t picture your life without him but that’s only because you’ve spent so much time with him. Because you have structured your life around another person and have become painfully unaware of your own feelings.

Do you stick out the fights, the jealousy, the unhappiness because you’re in love? Love does not have to be pain, in fact it should be the one thing that makes you feel better when it’s recipricoted.

This relationship may be your norm now, but it wasn’t always this way. And if you step back and take a good hard look at your feelings and your relationship, you’ll be able to see if it’s worth fighting for. You’ll be able to see if you’re in love or just comfortable.

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5 Ways To Beat Writer’s Block

Overall, when writer’s block strikes, I have one rule. Don’t stop writing. Even if it doesn’t make sense, or isn’t on your normal beat, or just seems dumb to you – don’t stop. Eventually an idea will come out of nowhere, but here are some ways to beat writer’s block:

  1. Compile a list of ideas

When you’re not blocked, make a list of ideas that will spark something when you are suffering from writer’s block.

2. Just make a list

Write a post like “5 Ways To Beat Writer’s Block” or “10 Relatable Things For People Who Love To Nap.” Sure, they’re cliché, but they keep you from missing weeks of blogging.

3. Journal

Write down your feelings or day to day activities or current thoughts often. Your brain might just be clogged up with daily life problems.

4. Read other blogs

It’s okay to draw inspiration from other bloggers, they probably do the same thing while reading your blog!

5. Listen to music

Music can bring up emotions you’ve tried to squash in the past, get your nostalgia on.

Comment below if you have other ways to beat writer’s block! Bloggers that are blocked (including me right now) can use all the help they can get.

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The Summer of Feels

You know when you hit that time of the year where it just seems like everyone is going Facebook official? Or getting married? Or having a baby?

There are basically two times in the year where relationships seem to pop out of the ground like weeds – summer and mid winter.

Today, June 20th, is the first day of summer.

There’s something about the summer that just makes everyone more attractive. We have golden tans, wear skimpier outfits, and just exude happiness. The sun, the longer days, the overall atmosphere of summer makes everyone more desirable.

In the summer, you’re probably spending most of your time in one place. Whether it’s at school, down the shore, in your home town, etc. So you start to surround yourself with the same group of people. They become your go-to summer buddies and your summer fling will most likely be located in that group.

Summer is a time where we’re looking for adventures. We feel good and we have time to kill, now we just need someone to do it all with. That’s why people tend to get so attached during the summer. We have the time and we’re ready for fun, might as well do it while holding someone else’s hand.

But the summer of feels is dangerous. Because when school starts back up again in the fall, everyone will want to be no strings attached. Or when the tans fade and the high of summer starts to come down – everyone will realize it was all a charade.

The difference between cuffing season in the summer and the winter is – the winter tends to last longer. We’re down to cuddle, we’re not feeling top notch, and we need someone to spend the cold nights with. You might want to be single by the time summer rolls around, but your winter fling has a higher possibility of lasting rather than your summer fling.

Even so – enjoy it all. The summer of feels is a rollercoaster ride – but rollercoasters are fun sometimes, right?

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I’m Glad It Didn’t Work Out Part 2

A series of apologies and relationships that just didn’t work out, click here for part 1.

I put you up on a pedestal the moment I saw you. I was pretty young at the time and boy was I lost. I was the definition of a rebel without a cause, an emo kid who couldn’t cheer up. You looked a lot like the lead singer of my favorite band and I fell in love. I was so weird and such an outcast at the time – you barely gave me a second glance.

But I adjusted. Ditched some of my more unusual clothes and dyed my hair a natural color. I tried to get your attention any time I could. It kind of worked. But I was still so much younger, and you should’ve known how naive I was. You should have known by the way I followed you around like a puppy that you should’ve just cut me off. You shouldn’t have paid me any attention.

One time you kissed me on the forehead on my front porch. I think a part of me died inside while a part of me felt alive. You wrote me a story, you wrote me a song. Pulled out all the tricks to make me fall harder. One time you made me cry in the hallway – I’m not sure you even knew about it. But it was because I know you didn’t like me the way that I liked you.

I’m glad it didn’t work out, though. I got my first real taste of what it was like to get over someone. That heartbreak ended up being less rough than my first real and true and horrible heartbreak. It helped me grow. Helped me find out what I wanted and what I deserved. I became a little less naive.

And it never would’ve truly worked out. We were going to be at two different places in our lives and I preferred it happening sooner rather than later. Because I moved on to different people who taught me even more about myself. And even now I think we’ve both grown and become so different it’s hard to even imagine we were together in the same place at one point.

I’m glad it didn’t work out but I’m also glad that we provided each other a little bit of happiness in a short amount of time. That small town was so bleak, we were destined to move on. And I’m glad it didn’t work out because it all seems to be working out for us now in our separate places.

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