Friendships in Your 20’s

One thing no one prepared me for was how different friendships become after you leave college. In college, you live with your best friends. You eat with them, go everywhere with them, you rely on them like family. Then *poof* graduation comes and you all have to separate.

It’s hard to get on the same schedule after that. It’s hard to see each other, make commitments to each other, and stay in touch. It’s hard to keep that family type of feeling alive because you’re relying on other people now.

It kind of feels like things start to fall apart because you were so used to knowing everything about someone and now you only get to see them once a month. Friend dynamics change. You make new ones, old ones fall off the map, and some friendships start to take priority over others.

Effort is required on both ends to keep a friendship going and it’s frustrating when you don’t live near each other and more effort is being put in on one side and none on the other. I think friendships in your 20’s means sometimes we just have friends who are there for a good time, not the hard times. And we can’t put all our care into those friendships anymore.

It’s fine to keep those people around for the good times, but we can’t get upset when they don’t reciprocate the care we show. Then there truly are friends who are in it for the long haul. Friends who you only see once every 3 months, only text once a month, who you can still turn to at the end of a long day even though it feels like you’ve been strangers for a while.

Friendships in your 20’s is all about putting yourself and those who care first and leaving the rest as a secondary thought. We’re growing up, we can’t put all our time and energy into people who don’t do the same for us. It’s sad, but it’s time to move on.

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Why Be Anything But Nice?

I will be the first to admit that most of my life was spent not  being a nice person. I think I tried to be a good person when I was young, but was quickly walked all over in middle school and high school. So I tried being bitchy and it seemed to work better for me.

It kept people out of my life and at arm’s length, it kept me safe and protected, but it was a lot of effort. It was hard to consistently be meanish to people, not because I was denying my nature to be nice, but because you have to be tough all the time and keep up this image that shows people that you don’t want to be bothered. It was like a game, you can’t catch me because I’m dark and edgy and I don’t like you.

Right after I graduated college, I just realized it’s easier to be nice to everyone. You can still keep them at arm’s length, but in a way that you could reach out if you needed to. Back when I wasn’t nice at first glance, people were always disappointed when the can’t catch me girl was caught and wasn’t as dangerous as they thought. I felt like I was never living up to anything and was just over the trend of people not liking me. Who wants to be disliked? Why was I ever that way?

I watched this video on Facebook the other day about a woman who was fat shamed at a Dairy Queen. It absolutely killed me.

I have been working very hard to help build up the people in this world who have been torn down by media, society, and just the pressures of being human. Because I feel all of those things too and I need someone to build me up too.  Everyone is fabulous in their own way. I used to get jealous and spiteful when a girl looked better than me, now I’m like damnnnn girl, rock it! If you look hot, I’m going to tell you that you look hot even if I don’t know you.

Because why not? Being mean wasn’t easy, it bogged me down. I think we need to stop striving to be this elusive boss ass bitch and just be nice. You can still be powerful and kind.

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You NEED To Be Selfish

It was when I had gotten screwed over in a relationship for the I-don’t-know-how-many-th time that I finally decided to make a change. Whether it was a different guy hurting me or hurting myself by going back to the same guy over and over again, at the end of the day I was hurting.

And that’s when I stopped caring about being selfish.

How many times can someone tell you they’re not going to do something again, then do it again? How many times will you believe them?

You so often care about other people’s feelings, but forget about yourself. And how is that even possible? To forget about the feelings of the actual entity that you are. It seems impossible, but we often allow ourselves to get hurt to save others.

It’s time to save yourself.

Being sad, being broken, being mistreated really isn’t just another part of life. It isn’t something you have to accept. You don’t have to accept anything other than what makes you happy. But we accept the sad, broken, mistreatment because we aren’t thinking of ourselves the way we should be.

Go out and get your happiness. Stomp a few hearts on the way, cut off some friendships, delete the phone numbers and unfollow them on Twitter. If they’re not helping you get where you need to go, they are unnecessary. If you’re being held back, it’s time to start being selfish.

It’s rough, it’s not always the nicest thing to do to the people you love. But how do you expect to take care of them when you can’t take care of yourself? A little selfishness goes a long way.

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Putting Too Much Time Into Dead Friendships

We weigh our relationships by importance. Sometimes family comes first, sometimes your significant other, sometimes your friends.

The only problem with this is when we put too much weight into a friendship that has been long gone. A friendship where you have been laying on the effort and none has been given back in return.

It might be your first instinct to try to fix this dead friendship again. But more often than not, you’ll find yourself trying to fix it again just a short time later.

Stop putting so much time into dead friendships, relationships, whatever. Slow down and evaluate how much you’re really benefiting from the friendship. If it’s a whole lot of drama, a whole lot of heart ache, a lot of unanswered texts and plans that get canceled – you don’t need it.

Stop putting all your effort on one side of the scale, because you’ll see very quickly how unbalanced that friendship truly is. And more effort on your side won’t fix it. Some people just won’t value you the way that you value them. That’s okay, not everyone has to be as great as you are. But what’s not okay is giving them the time of day when all they do is drag you down.

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My Word For 2017

Although I am huge on making goals and resolutions, a new idea was brought to my attention this year and I’d love to try it out. On top of my resolutions for 2017, I also chose a word to live by this year.

Essentially, this is to help you bypass the large load of things you want to change about yourself and just choose one to work on. You can read more about this concept at,  this website will also help you find your own word!

The word I have chosen for 2017 is enough.

I am enough. I don’t have to change myself or push myself or drain myself of everything just to please other people. The ones who accept me are the ones who can stick around, the ones who don’t just aren’t necessary.

I don’t want to worry endlessly anymore if I’m good enough, if I deserve something. If I’m pretty enough, what I can do to get there. Because I need to be enough for me. I need to stop striving for things that are outside the realm of my possibility.

But I also want to focus on if I am doing enough and being mindful. Is my lazy day in bed a day well spent. Are there other things, better things, that I could be doing? Am I putting enough effort into things that truly matter? When I get out of bed in the morning, drive to work, and come home – are those things enough or can I do more? Can I stretch myself a little further to be a better version of myself?

Even if you don’t choose a word this year or make goals, I hope you have time to do what you need to do in order to be happy. If you do choose a word, leave it in the comments!

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Why I Didn’t Miss College After Graduation

College was the best four years of my life, hands down. I hated high school and turned it all around in college.

But four years was really all I needed.

In some ways, college felt short. As I put on my graduation cap, it felt like I had just moved into a dorm I hated with a failing relationship nipping at my heels. As I walked to the ceremony with my friends, it felt like I had just been trying to crack open my shell and form those relationships I had heard everyone talking about. As I grabbed my diploma, it felt like I had just been getting lost on my way to class yesterday.

In other ways, college felt long. Because I met a lot of people that were great, but also a lot of people that were awful. I had a great education, but also some very useless classes at very early times. I had learned a lot about myself, but I had learned it the hard way.

In four years, I explored every aspect of myself. I did everything I needed to do to find out who I truly am. It took a lot of time, it took a lot of heart break, a lot of tears and fights. It included a lot of drama that was unnecessary and a lot of long late night talks that were.

When I graduated college, I was happy. I wasn’t sad to leave behind the university that taught me so much. Or the sorority that raised me. Or the professors that guided me.

Of course I would miss living with my best friends when I moved in with my parents. And I would definitely miss sleeping in or even sleeping all day without a care in the world. I would miss having less responsibilities and the ability to have fun all the time – but it’s more nostalgia than it is sadness. It was a good time, but now it’s over. Now it’s time to have different good times.

I dove head first into postgrad life and I couldn’t be happier. I shed my college self skin and found a version of myself that makes me truly happy. I still learn a lot, I still have great friends, and I still sleep in on the weekends. I appreciate everything college gave me, but I don’t miss it at all. You can’t if you look at your new life with positivity, if you give the postgrad life a chance and learn to live it up in a different way. It’s a whole new world waiting for you to explore it.

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Finding Hope In The Hopeless

Do you ever look back at old pictures, journals, or memories and think about how much has really changed since then? Sure, your hair has grown and you’ve gotten a little taller. And that friend isn’t in your life anymore and your pet has passed away. But have you ever really seen how much you have evolved as a person?

When we become happier or reach good points in our life, we really forget to appreciate them. There are highs and lows all the time – but we let the lows make more of an impact than the highs.

There was a time you were hopeless. That you pined over people who didn’t want you. That you swore off all things that could make you happy. You lived in fear, in sadness, hopelessly ghosting through life.

But did you know in that hopelessness there is a glimmer of hope at the end of the road? Hope that will eventually lead you to happiness if you stop burying yourself in the guilt and blame.

Things change, you have to count on that fact. And since things are always changing, you need to believe that they will eventually change for the better. That not all people are hopeless. Your life isn’t hopeless. That someone or something will give you hope and help you change.

There was a point where I was so certain of how my life would be, I accepted a very bitter and unhappy version of myself. It’s okay to look back at that person to remind myself how much better I can be. Because I made hope for myself and other people gave me hope to keep trying. There is hope in the hopeless.

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